Damaged Hearts
by heathersflawless
Summary: AU: SUMMARY: Can you get back the love of your life if you were the cause of her heart break? What lengths are you willing to go to prove that she is the only one for you? And what consequences are you willing to face along the way? Pregnant!Santana WARNINGS: Talks of abortion. Possible miscarriage.
1. Chapter 1

**Damaged Hearts**

* * *

I sit and stare out of my bedroom window, wondering how I could have let the best thing I ever had slip away. No one can help me now. I'm a lost cause. A lost cause that has to bring another life into this world all by herself. I feel tears begin to fall down my face, leaving a damp trail down my hollow cheeks. Thinking back to when my life had first started to turn upside down.

* * *

"I'm sorry OK I am so so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I love you so much please don't give up on me," I plead as I watch the love of my life break right in front of me. Tears falling endlessly from her beautiful eyes.

"Give up on you. How can I ever trust you again? Am I just supposed to forgive you for sleeping with someone who wasn't me? Were the vows you took a joke to you?"

I feel my heart-break when she thinks that I don't think out marriage is serious.

"What? Of course I took my vows seriously," My anger rising a little at the thought she would even say that.

"How can I believe you when you have just broke your vows Santana? You said you had changed since high school. I guess I am stupid for believing that you would change.

My anger rises for real this time and I slap my hand down on the table in front of me.

"Don't you dare call yourself stupid Brittany. You know I hate it when you or anyone calls you that because it is not true. You are the most intelligent woman and nothing will ever change that." I say firmly.

"Yeah. Well you made me seem pretty dumb with me thinking you would never go with anyone else. But yet here we are standing in our kitchen arguing over how you did in fact _sleep_ with someone."

I watch as more tears spill from them ocean blue eyes I love so much and it takes all my restrain not to go over to the other side of the table and comfort her. To tell her everything is going to be OK. Because was it?

"I'm so sorry," I repeat. "I know you don't and won't believe me but when I say I didn't mean for this to happen I mean it. I love you like nothing else in this world and if I don't have you, I don't know what I would do with my life. I need you like the ocean needs water, like plants need sunlight. Without you I can not survive."

I watch as she lifts up her hand to wipe away the tears from her eyes, he cheeks and eyes now red from all the crying. "I just.. I don't know what to think right now. I hate you so much for what you have done but yet I still love you so much and it really, really hurts to know that you couldn't keep faithful to me." I watch as she breaks down all over again. Holding onto the table to support the weight. "Why wasn't I enough for you?"

My heart breaks completely. She hates me. Never in my life did I think them words would come out of her mouth. And for her to ask that question. How could I have let this happen to make her feel unwanted. She is the most beautiful person in the world inside and out and I have just broken her. What kind of monster would do that? My vision becomes blurry as more tears threaten to fall.

"Don.. Don't you ever say that Britt," I choke on my words as I hug my body. "You were. Are enough for me. You always have been and always will be."

"So then why did you sleep with him then?" She asks in disbelief while shaking her head.

"I.." I go to answer her but I have no idea. I know that we had just had an argument before hand and I went to cool off at the local bar down the street from our apartment I was feeling lonely and he was sitting right there. Giving me all this attention that I had been deprived of for 2 months and that is when my anger peaks again. "Well maybe if you hadn't of left me for two months without telling me I wouldn't have felt lonely and we wouldn't have argued and I wouldn't have went to the bar and slept with some random guy who was giving me the attention my wife should have been." I know it's a low blow and I regret saying it almost instantly.

"So what? This is all my fault because my job relies on me having to leave for two months so I can get money for us to buy food and keep our home? You are blaming me for not giving you enough attention when you know fine well I give you as much as I can with me having to leave for my job."

"Yes! That is the point it shouldn't be the case of 'give me as much', you should just be there for me, it shouldn't be something you must do while you aren't at work."

"How dare you! How fucking dare you stand there and say this to me. When you are the one that cheated! Oh no poor little Santana felt lonely so she had to go and find a warm body to keep her warm. Isn't that what you used to say? Well guess fucking what! I was lonely too but I was able to stay faithful unlike you!"

My body tremors with how hard I am crying._ She's right_, I think. _It's all my fucking fault because I couldn't stay faithful and stay strong. No I did the cowardly thing and moved to the next warm body, just like an idiot_. I collapse onto the floor and curl myself up into a ball rocking back and forth trying to take all this away. Wishing that none of this has happened and it's all a bad dream. But I know it isn't a bad dream when I hear what comes out of my wife mouth next.

"I'm going to stay at Quinn's for a few days to think. But don't get your hopes up. It's not looking good."

And with that she left the kitchen. Packed her bags and left me lying on the cold tiled floor, taking my heart right out the door with her.

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**A/N: Yes/No? What do you think? Should I continue? Please leave a review. Thanks **


	2. Chapter 2

It's been 2 weeks now. She said it was only for a couple of days. I'm going out of my mind. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I haven't shown up to my work in over a week. I try to ring her every night but it just goes straight to voice mail. I've even went round to Quinn's apartment to see her but Quinn just made up an excuse saying she was out. I just don't know how much longer I can wait. I am dying without her.

It takes another week before she finally contacts me. And it's not even in person or through a phone call. I got a freaking text at 12 o'clock in the morning telling me she's done thinking. And that's literally what she put 'I'm done thinking'. That was it! But then again it's better than no text at all. At least now I know she's ready to talk.

I get a text the following morning with details about meeting up. She picked the small café opposite her dance studio because she has work and we're going to talk through her lunch break. This could either be very, very bad or good that she thinks we can sort this whole thing out in an hour and 45 minutes.

I get to the café 5 minutes before we're supposed to meet and order 2 drinks. One coffee and the other hot chocolate because Brittany hates the taste of coffee. I sit in a lone booth at the back of the café so we can at least have some privacy. My leg bounces up and down as I wait for her arrival. I think back to the first time Brittany had stayed over at my house and she tried coffee for the first time.

* * *

_"Morning Britt."_

_"Morning San, what you drinking there?", Brittany asked as she walked towards me with a bounce in her step. Only she could be so awake at 7 o'clock in the morning._

_"It's coffee B, haven't you ever had coffee before," I laugh while stretching my neck round to see her from her from behind hugging me, then take another sip at the hot drink._

_"Oo no, I see my Mom make it but she says I can't have it because it's to strong or something." _

_She looks down with a pout and it melts my heart._

_"Aww baby don't be sad, here," I turn around and hold the mug up to her face, "Take a drink."_

_I watch as she brings the mug to her mouth and take a sip of the bitter liquid. Her eyebrows crease into the middle while her face scrunches up._

_"Eww! San that is horrible, why do you drink that? It's like self inflected torture."_

_I laugh at her face and take the cup from her hand, placing it on the counter behind her._

_"I never said it was nice babe," I laugh as I watch her go into the fridge and drink nearly the whole carton of milk._

_"Ahh. That's better. I am never drinking that stuff again. Ever!"_

_I laugh again and go over to give her a hug then cupping her face in my hands. "What ever you say Hun."_

* * *

I am too bust smiling at the past memory to see Brittany walk into the café. It's not until she walks over and clears her throat that I snap out of my haze.

"Oh. Sorry Britt, I didn't see you there. Err.. I got you a hot chocolate 'cause I know you don't like coffee." Ah God I'm so stupid! Why the fuck did you just say that, she knows you know that you idiot.

I turn red with embarrassment and look down finding the table top a lot more interesting.

"I'm not here to chat and catch up over drinks Santana. Thank you though for the drink but I've got to go back to work soon."

My heart sinks hearing that she's not staying long.

"Oh. OK."

I hear her sigh and sit down opposite me.

"So you know why I asked you here today."

I finally look up at her and catch her ocean blue eyes I've been deprived on for what seems 3 years not 3 weeks. I am momentarily lost in her eyes until she shuffles awkwardly in her seat and looks down.

"Ahem," I clear my throat. "Err. No sorry I don't and I defiantly wasn't expecting this to be a short visit either since I haven't seen you in three weeks."

She tightens her hold around the Styrofoam cup and sighs again.

"Look I'll just get straight to the point. I'm moving in with Quinn permanently until I can find a place for me to live."

I feel my heart crack at this new information.

"Whaa.. I thought you went to Quinn's to think stuff over," I cry.

"Yes I did. And it has took me three weeks to come to the conclusion that no matter how hard I try, I cannot forgive you for what you have done."

My heart completely shatters this time. My breathing becomes shallow as I try to take in what my wife, soon to be ex wife has just said. _This can't be happening_, I think as I grab the table, my other hand shakily combs through my hair as my vision becomes blurry with unshed tears.

"No," I say loudly. "No, this is not happening, you left me for 3 weeks with no contact and you just expect me to let you walk out on our marriage. My life!" I shout not caring who can hear.

"Lower you voice right now Santana." She scolds me before continuing, "I haven't walked out on anything. You were the one who walked out on our marriage when you slept with _him_. So don't you dare say that. This is all your fucking fault. You are the reason why I am moving out of our home. You are the reason why I am filing for a divorce. None of this is my fault. You have no one but yourself to blame Santana and the sooner you realise that the sooner we can move on from this and not make it into an ugly affair. All I want is a divorce, I want none of your money. I just want to be free again."

My breath catches in my throat when once again she is right. This is all of my fault. But no. I am not giving up on her. We have been through too much to just give up to easily.

"No, you don't get to be free. And I don't like how you said that 'be free again'," I use my fingers to make quotation marks in the air, "I haven't trapped you anywhere. I don't have you chained to the front door. But I can tell you one thing. I am not giving up on us. We have been through too much to just give up. And yes I know that what I have done is despicable. But you have got to have a place somewhere in your heart that is telling you to hold on," my tears are coming down fast now, my breath quickening at the thought of loosing her. "You must still have a feeling in your heart for me after all these years being together."

I watch as she breaks down for the second time time and I once again it takes all my restrain to not go over and hug her.

"I don't know any more " She cries. "I don't know what you want me to say. You have hurt me so badly and you expect me to just forgive you. But it's just not that easy Santana. Every time I see you all I see is you having sex with someone that wasn't me and that breaks my heart. I can't go to sleep without see it. Being close to you hurts to much now and I don't know how much longer I can take of it."

We are both sitting crying our eyes out in the back of the café while everyone is staring at us. I would have normally shouted at everyone to mind their own fucking business. But right now I couldn't give a toss because my life is pretty much ending right here right now and I wouldn't even care if it did because if Brittany does leave. I have nothing more to live for.

"Please don't leave was just a stupid mistake. I promise you I will change. I won't ever go out any more. I will do everything I can to make you trust me again. Just please don't give up on me. You are all I ever need Britt and I don't know.. No I know I can't make it without you. You are the reason I am living B. So please don't take my life away from me. please," I beg while standing up to kneel beside her. "Please Brittany," I whisper.

"I'm sorry Santana but I can't. I can't forgive you no matter how hard I try. I just can't. Not right now anyway."

I quickly wipe my tears and stare up at her.

"So, I might still have chance. I just have to give you time. Because I can give you time. I can give you all the time you need if it means you will forgive me because Brittany I need you. I need you and I am going to spend the rest of my life showing you why you need me and how much I love you. I promise."

She shakes her head and then looks me straight in the eyes.

"Don't think too far into the future Santana. We have to figure all this out first. And also I don't want you to get your hopes up for something that might not happen."

My heart sinks again knowing that what she's saying is true._ Guess I've just got to try and convince her_, I think to myself before looking up with determination in my eyes.

"Well then it looks like I'll just have to prove it to you then."

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**A/N: Yes/No Should I continue? Tell me what you think in that box below :) Even if it's bad tell me because you can only improve with critiques. Thanks **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Next part of the story. I have decided to take this in another direction to what I previously planned but the outcome is still going to be the same. And to answer your question - peculiarmaleficentself - Yes there is a possible chance Santana might be hospitalized but not for what you think :) Enjoy!  
**

* * *

I had put my plan straight into action once we had left the café that day. I started off simple because I didn't want to force her into coming back to me, because I want her to forgive me when she is ready, not when she feels I want her to. So I went right back to basics. I sent her texts in the morning something that seemed to fade out over the past 2 years of being married. I would send flowers to her work place. Each day different flower and a card telling her what type of flower it is and the meaning behind it. I would complement her whenever I saw her which was rarely. So when I did get the chance I savoured it because I didn't know whether each time was going to be the last. This lasted for about a month until everything seemed to crash right back down.

* * *

"What do you mean it's been cancelled," I shout down the phone as I quickly pull on my coat. "The order was sent over a week ago. This is impossible."

"I'm sorry boss but they said that the shipment was never received so they are pulling out of the deal."

"Ah. Look just stall them for a little while longer, I'm coming. OK."

"I'll do my best boss."

I quickly shut my phone off and put it in my bag as I take the keys off the sideboard. _This cannot be happening._ I break several laws while getting to my office. Putting the car into my designated spot before running into my studio.

"Hello. Yes it's Mrs Pierce. I know and I understand where you are coming from but what you don't understand is that I sent all of it off a week ago. What do you mean I must have made a mistake! I know fine well when I sent off the load don't talk down to me like that."

"Look Miss-"

"It's Mrs." I say in a sharp tone.

"Ah. Look Mrs, maybe you have just a stressful week and you forgot to send the shipment it's just a mistake. However It is a mistake that we are not about to have happen in the future so I would strongly advise you to look for a new partner because we are pulling out."

"What? You can't. We have a contract. You can't just pull out. And any ways this is the first time something like this has happened."

"I am sorry Mrs Pierce but this is not up for negotiation and if you look through our contract again you will see that it clearly states that when we seem you are no longer up to our standards we can pull out any time we want so that it doesn't affect our company."

"That is complete bull. I read the damn contract. I didn't see that anywhere," I am seething. How dare this man try and con me.

"The fine print my dear. The fine print." Is all he says before hanging up on me.

My anger rises and I throw the phone at the wall watching it smash into pieces in front of me.

"Mrs Pierce are you OK, I heard a loud bang."

"I am fucking fantastic!" I say sarcastically as I stand up from my chair and push past him. "Listen up everyone. We have just lost one of our main partners so we are going to have to cut back a bit until we can find another partner that is willing to pay just as much. So I am sorry but you will be getting a cut back on your salary and also working hours for the mean time." I hear everyone groan so I quickly glare at them and they all shut up. "As I said this is just temporary so things will get back to normal soon, hopefully. But until then you can all just go home. We can't do anything else today."

I turn sharply and head into my office. I sigh as I fall back into my chair. _What am I going to do_. I put my head in my hands and think of what I am going to do to gets us out of this wreck.

I am brought out of my thoughts by my phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Santana, its your Mami why did you answer like you didn't know it was me?"

"Oh. Sorry Mami. I've just had some bad news at work that's all and I forgot to check the id before answering that's all."

"Oh dear. Is everything OK?"

"I don't know Mami, one of my main partners have cancelled on my and I have just had to tell all my workers that they are going to be getting a pay cut and their work hours cut soo.." I trail off as I rub my temples. A headache is starting to form.

"Ah I am sure everything will work out the way it's supposed to darling." She tries to reassure me. "Any ways, I rang because I was wondering if you and Brittany are still coming round tonight?"

_Shit,_ I think. _I forgot to tell them that we have split_. "Err.." _What the fuck am I going to say. They were so proud of me when I had married Britt. They said it was the best thing I have ever done. I can't disappoint them. Not again. _"Yeah. Of course we are Mami, I'll call you later. Bye." I don't let her reply as I hang up.

_Oh fuck! __Guess I better ring Britt._

"Hello Santana."

I cringe at her still using my full name. She hasn't done that in over 9 years.

"Hey, Britt, err I have a favour to ask you.." I trail off not knowing what else to say.

"Look Santana, I am really busy right no-"

"Please Brittany, It will only take a second, I just need to ask you something." I cut her off hoping that she will let me ask her.

"Ugh. Fine. But hurry up I've got to get back in five."

"Right OK. Erm, I was wondering if you could maybe come to my parents place tonight because it is their anniversary and I may have forgot to mention that we have split and I really don't want to spoil there night, you know." I ramble as I hear the line go silent. "Britt?"

"I.. Er.. I don't know what you want me to say. How could you have not told them about our separation?"

"I hadn't spoken to her until today so I never really thought about it and if I am being completely honest I was really hoping I won't ever have to."

"Ah. Look Santana. I know that this going to be very hard on both of us but you have got to stop with the flowers and the texts and the daily complements. They are not going to make me forgive you any faster. And maybe you should tell you parents. I mean you can't hide this forever."

I feel the tears well up in my eyes and I am so glad I sent everyone home. I'd hate them to see me crying. weak.

"Please Britt. Just this one night," I beg. "You can go back to hating me the next day but please come with me. I can't tell them that we have split. It will break them. They told me that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and if I go there tonight without you by my side. I.. I just.. I don't know how I will be able to handle seeing the disappointment on their faces when I tell them I lost you. I just can't."

"Santana. Your parents will not be disappointed in you. You are their daughter."

"Brittany you don't understand. They worship the ground you walk on and they will want to know why you left and when I tell them I will not have just lost you but them as well and I can not handle that. Not again. You know it killed me the last time it happened."

"That is not going to happen. They have learned from what happened the last time. They won't make the same mistake twice."

"I wish I could believe you Brittany. But that is exactly what I thought the first time. I never thought in a million years that they would leave me. But they did and it was because of you that I managed to stay strong and go on but if it happens again tonight. I don't know how I will be able to cope because I won't have you to fall back on. Please I am begging you Brittany. Just give me tonight and I won't bother you until you are ready ever again!"

The line goes silent and I have to move the phone away from my ear to see if we are still connected. I go to speak again until I hear her sniffle.

"Pick me up at seven."

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**A/N2: Yes/No? Tell me what you think :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I decided to changed the name because I didn't really like 'Damaged and Heart Broken'. I think Damaged Hearts is a better way to describe this story. Anyway I just want to say thanks to everyone who has followed and favourtied this story :) Also I don't know when I will be able to post the next update because school starts tomorrow so I thought I'd do a weekly update, say every Friday? Let me know what you think. Hope you like this chapter...**

* * *

It's half six and I have been rushing around trying to get ready for the best part of 2 hours. Changing my clothes. redoing my make-up and hair. I don't know why I am so nervous. I haven't been like this since I asked Brittany out on our first date back in high school. I had butterflies all that night wondering whether she would say yes. Kind of like how I felt when I asked her to come to my parents house this evening. I was scared of the possible outcome. It is quarter to seven when I am finally satisfied with what I am wearing. A black dress that comes down just above my knees but tight in all the right places, my hair had a natural look to it, which really took an hour of hot irons and hair spray to keep it in place, my make-up was minimal with just my fake eyelashes because Brittany always said I look best when I'm natural. I lock up and leave with 10 minutes to get to Quinn's apartment which left me 5 minutes to spare.

I'm standing outside of the apartment having not found the courage to knock yet. H_ow are we going to do this,_ _I think. Is she going to actually act like we are married? Will she let me hold her hand? Stand with my arm around her waist as she speaks to my family? Will she even speak? _I start to get myself worked up until I snap myself out of it. _Oh of course she is going to speak to them, it's Brittany we're talking about. She's nice to everyone. Plus she loves your Mami and Papi.  
_

I stand up straight and knock on the door three times_. _The door swings open and a bright light obscures my vision and I squint and there in front of me is a woman who is dressed in a white dress, her blonde hair flowing down past her shoulders making her look like an angle. My breath is caught in my throat as I look at the beauty in front of me, her pure blue eyes shining down at me.

"Wow.." Is all that comes out of my mouth as I am stunned. She moves forward closing the door behind her, shutting out the light surrounding her and I can finally see her properly and I wish that I could go back to a few seconds ago because as I get a proper look at her I can see that her eyes aren't as bright as usual. My heart hurts to see her so lifeless, but what hurts more is the fact that I did this to her. I broke her beyond repair and I have no idea how I can make things better between us.

"You just going to keep staring, or are we going to get going?" Her voice is rough and monotone and I slightly wince.

"Err.. Yeah come on," I say as I step to the side and hold my hand out motioning for her to go first.

She steps forward and I follow her all the way down to where my car is parked. I go to open the door for her but she just quickly shakes her head and slips in the passenger side. I sigh and go round to the other side getting in and starting the car up.

"So, how do you want to do this. Are we just going to act like normal, or like set some ground rules down?"

"Look Santana, before you get ahead of yourself I just want you to know that I am not coming here tonight for you, I am going for your parents because it is their anniversary and I don't want to spoil it for them, so yes we will act like normal but this does not change anything between us. As soon as we leave we will go back to our own lives OK."

I feel my eyes sting at how blunt she is being. She has never been like this with me. In fact she not like this with no one. I guess I really did a number on her. I sigh once again at how cruel I was to break the once easy going girl. Oh how I wish I could do that night all over again.

We don't talk for the rest of the journey to my parents house. My heart beats fast as I pull up onto the drive, I turn the engine off and turn to look at Brittany.

"I know this is a shitty time to say this to you but I have to and I need you to know that you are the only one for me. I love you more than anything else and I know you said that we will go our separate ways after tonight. But I want you to know something before you get ahead of yourself. I will stop at nothing to call you mine again. And I will prove it to you tonight and even if it doesn't work tonight I will damn well make sure I won't give up because you are my soul mate. The love of my life and I am not going to let you slip away."

I don't wait for her to answer. I get out of the car and start making my way towards the front door. I hear the car door slam shut and heels making there way up the drive until she is standing by my side, arm wrapped around my waist as I knock on the door.

"Oh darling you're here. I missed you so much." my Mami says as she bring me in to a bone crushing hug.

"Mami. Can't. Breathe." I gasp out as I try to get out of her death grip.

"Oh. I'm sorry sweetheart."

"Jeez, you only saw me a week ago, you act as if I haven't seen you for three years," I laugh as I watch Brittany get pulled into a hug.

"Oh hush now, come on everyone's in the living room."

We get pushed into the living room and I lose sight of Brittany as we go round saying hello to everyone.

I find her in the kitchen making a drink and I walk up next to her unsure of hoe to behave.

"You know you're not doing a very good job, I'm surprised they haven't figured it out yet."

"Whaa.. what do you mean?"

"Well if we are supposed to be like how we were when we were still together, you wouldn't have been able to keep your hands off of me. Like now you would be holding me from behind instead of standing next to me like a lost puppy."

I chuckle a bit because she's right I am acting awkward, but it is just because I am unsure of what she is conformable with.

"Sorry. I just didn't know if you would be comfortable with me hanging off of you." I say and look down to the ground.

"Hey," She says softly while grabbing my chin making me look at her. "Lets just go back to the party and forget about what has happened between us and just be happy for your parents OK."

"OK Britt."

* * *

It's near 10 when someone people start to leave. The only people left is close family who are staying the night. Me and Brittany are huddled on the couch with me leaning my head on her shoulder.

"I had a really good night B, thanks for coming."

"I told you Santana I didn't want to ruin your parents anniversary."

I turn around and slide closer to her, practically sitting on her lap. "I've really missed you B. It's lonely without you around. I am so sorry. So so sorry." I says sincerely.

I put my head closer to hers and close my eyes taking in her intoxicating smell.

"I love you."

"Santana..."

"Shh. It's OK," I mumble as I lean forward, we are a millimetre away from kissing when I see realisation seep into her eyes and she pulls back.

"Santana. No, we can't."

"Oh. you know when you first said yes I thought you were coming because of me. Because I said to you if you have anything left in your heart for me you would come and when you said yes, I honestly thought it was because you still love me."

She doesn't answer me. She just pulls me up and leads me upstairs into my old bedroom.

"Look.. I am sorry that this is hard on you but when are you going to realise that this is all your fault? You were the one who cheated and yet you expect me to forgive you and still be in love with you!"

I am shocked by her sudden outburst and I stumble back my knees hitting the bed.

"I.. Whaa..."

"Yes I came here tonight because I didn't want your parents to be mad at you and for what happened to you in high school happen again, but that does not mean that I want to get back together with you. I may not want to be with you but I am not that heartless to have your parents not want you either."

"Why are you doing this... Why couldn't you just let us have one night. One fucking night when things are normal!"

"Because it's not fucking normal Santana! When are you going to realise that! I am sick and tired of you feeling sorry for yourself. You _cheated. _You where the one that made me leave not me. This is not my fault."

I fall down onto the bed and curl up as if hiding will stop the pain and truth in Brittany's words.

"I_ loved_ you so much Santana. You were my everything. But I cannot stand here knowing that you _fucked_ someone else. It breaks my heart to be around you and I don't know how much I can take any more. It's just all to much."

I'm full on sobbing now, my whole body shaking the bed as I try to catch my breath. Loved. Loved. That word spinning in my mind. She said loved, past tense. My chest hurts from crying and trying to breathe and I feel my stomach starting to churn with the thought that she will never love me again.

I finally calm down a bit and look up into ocean blue eyes.

"Please say that's not true Britt. Please say you love me back! Please. I can handle you being angry and mad at me but please don't say loved. Don't say it like you have given up on me!"

"Oh, San.." My heart skips a beat at the mention of my nickname.

"Why do you do this to me? You make it so hard for me to hate you yet at the same time, I can't look at you without seeing _him."_

"I know Brittany. I know. But he was just a stupid drunken mistake. It didn't mean anything!"

"You don't know how it felt to come into our home and hear you making them noises that I only thought I'd hear at the cause of me, but no! I walk in, to you, in our b-bed," She's crying now, tears falling endlessly from her eyes and the pain in my heart doubles. I hate seeing he cry, even more so when I am the cause. "With someone random guy." She falls to the floor and I move quickly so I am beside her and I go to hug her but she tenses and slaps my arms away.

"You have no idea how I felt!" she screams and all I can do is stare wide eyed not moving a muscle.

I cringe at how she say it. My mind shouting at me that I am an idiot. Because lets face it I am. I have the worlds most beautiful girl standing right in front of me and just because I felt a little lonely I went with someone else. I mentally curse myself for being so pathetic.

"I.. I didn't know Brittany. I'm so sorry. I know I am just stupid girl. I know I shouldn't have done what I did and I will never ever forgive myself. So you don't need to worry about that. I will never feel like I am worth anything ever again because lets face it. I am just a useless _whore_!"

Once again she doesn't say anything. She just sits there staring at me. And I start to feel a bit uncomfortable because I feel like she is look right into my soul.

"You're not a whore Santana," She says quietly. "You may be stupid but you're not a whore."

I just look at her. The girl of my dreams, the love of my life. Even in times like these she still tires to help me. She still tires to make me feel good about myself.

"I love you Brittany. So much, I don't know what I did to once have you but I will try damn hard to find out why so that I can have you again."

"I know, you keep saying that you won't give up on us and if I am being honest some part of me doesn't want to let go. But this isn't going to work Santana. You know it's not. I know you want us to get back together straight away. But I know that I'm not ready for that. If I come back to you now. When I'm not ready. I will start to hate you and regret coming back to you and I don't want to hate you Santana. When and if I come back to you I want to for the right reason."

I look up at her from my bed and nod my head at her. Finally we have come to an understanding. And even though I may not like it right now. I know that what she is saying is for the best and makes a lot of sense. So for now I will wait. But that still wont stop me from trying.

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**A/N2: Yes/No? What do you think? Please review and also here's my tumblr because I won't be on here quite as much and I feel like if you ask questions on there I can answer them a lot more faster and also you can tell me some ideas to what you want to see happen in the story. Thanks **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I decided I am going to write this chapter in Brittany's POV so you get an insight on how she is dealing and coping with all of this and what she walked in on. Hope you like this chapter, Also I've never written as Brittany before so sorry if its bad.**

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I don't know what do to. A part of me hates her, like I can't stand the sight of her. Every time I go to close my eyes imagines of that night flood my memory and I feel torn all over again. She was my everything. And now I don't even want to be in the same room as her.

Quinn bless her has tried to make me be happy again. She has tried countless times to cheer me up. But there is this constant weight on my chest that won't go away. It's like I can't breathe properly and somewhere in the back of my mind I know it's because I'm not next to Santana. I was always at my happiest when I was with her. She was the light in my life, no matter how I was feeling she would always make it better and love me for who I am. She was and still is the only person who has never called me stupid and I know that might sound silly since we are older now and it shouldn't matter what happened in high school. But I will always be grateful that Santana never left my side throughout school. I honestly don't know what I would have done without her.

But now. Now I'm not so sure I want her by my side any more. I know she loves me. I know that. I would never test her love for me. But I can't trust her. What she's done to me is unforgivable. Sure we had our fair share of arguments and fights but that is what marriage is about, you fight and shout and maybe even feel a little lonely once in a while but you deal with that, you talk through your issues before you go to bed a night, you tell each other you will be there through thick and thin, just like the vows did. You certainly don't jump in bed with the next person you see when things start to get tough. I will forever wonder why I wasn't enough. Why she had to sleep with someone instead of trying to talk through our problems with me. I guess its true when they say love isn't everything.

I lay awake every night, tears falling from my eyes as I remember the day I got the best news in the world. But also the night when my life came crashing down.

* * *

_I need to make a change. Something has to change otherwise I'm going to lose her. I think to myself as I run across the road to where the dance studio is._

_I open the studio door and I'm greeted by the usual music coming from the main dance hall. It was Saturday which meant 'Senior Day'. Me and Mike thought it would be a great idea to have a day where people above 50 could come and do some exercising and also dancing to keep them in shape or to just brighten their day. Saturday was my favourite aside from Thursdays when I get my junior class. I love little kids. If I wasn't a dancer I would have been a primary school teacher. I just love when you see a little kid get a dance step right and their whole little face lights up._

_I make my way over to the front desk and see Tina sitting behind the computer._

_"Hey Tina." I smile brightly while leaning over the desk._

_"Hey Britt, you ready for you class?"_

_"Oh. Didn't you hear? I got a promotion. I don't work Saturdays any more. The boss wants me to help choreograph some of the Broadway shows that are up and coming so he has cancelled all my classes until he can find someone to cover them." I say excitedly.  
_

_"That amazing Britt. I'm so happy for you. I know you have been waiting a while for you big break. At least you don't have to leave any more. I bet Santana's happy about all of this?"_

_"I hope so."_

_"What do you mean have you not told her yet?"_

_"Nope. I'm waiting to surprise her tonight because we kind of got in an argument again, but this will defiantly make everything better between us. I know it," I say happily jumping a little.  
_

_"I hope it does," Tina says smiling at me._

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

_I left the studio at around ten because I had to go over some of the contacts and details for my new clients and I never been good with numbers and big words so it took longer than I expected._

_I took a cab to our apartment instead of the train because I knew San would be wondering where I am and I also want to get there faster so I can tell her my great news._

_It's half ten when I arrive outside our apartment block and I turn to pay the driver before bounding up the steps. I'm skipping along the hallways to the apartment door. I let out a squeal as I near the door. I can't wait to tell her. I think as I pass the creepy old lady's door who has this evil cat. Seriously its like a little ginger devil. I laugh quietly as I reach the door and quickly open the door into the our home._

_As soon as I stepped in to the apartment something wasn't right. It was way to quiet. The lamp next to the couch wasn't on like it normally is because Santana doesn't like to be in the dark by herself yet she won't put the main light on because she doesn't want to waste electricity. The place seems different but I can't put my finger on it while I go into the kitchen to get a drink. _

_It's after I finish the glass when I hear the first sound. It sounded like a bang but I wasn't too sure. I quietly put the glass into the sink and make my way back into the living room. My senses are heightened as I walk into the hallway between the bathroom and our bedroom._

_'Ugh!' I stop dead in my tracks as I hear someone moan. And I __defiantly know that wasn't Santana. My heart start to beat wildly in my chest as I get close to the door._

_'Don't s-stop' There the voice is again and my stomach starts to churn. Who the fuck is that? She wouldn't would she? She might just be watching some porn right? I try to convince myself. But as I get closer the sounds coming from the bedroom are too realistic to be from a computer. _

_My hand shakes as I turn the door handle and open the door the scene in front of me._

_"Santana..."_

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**A/N2: Thought I'd leave it there :) Yes/No? what do you think? Tell me in the box below and also if you have any questions or what you would like to see happen in the story. Thanks**


	6. Chapter 6

_"Santana..."_

_I see the bed sheets rustle and her head pop up with wide eyes like a deer caught in headlights._

_"Britt," She gasps. "Brittany.." She repeats again, not knowing what to say._

_I shake my head and I feel my whole body get considerably heavier. I feel a weight being placed on my chest and I can't breathe. My hand is grasping the door handle so hard I'm surprised it hasn't broken off by now. I stare at her and she at me for the longest time, as if time as slowed down and we are in slow motion. Only our breathing can be heard in the silence of the room. _

_The sound of bed sheets rustling again breaks the silence. My eyes snap towards the person occupying my side of the bed. My eyes zone in on the stranger and my anger rises, my heart pumping as I stare at the now bare chested man currently sitting next to my wife._

_"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU," I scream while charging forward and with strength I never knew I possessed dragged the nameless man from my bed and throw him onto the floor._

_"Whaa.. Who are you?" The man says breathless while clutching the back of his head that hit the door while he fell to the floor._

_"WHO AM I!" I scream once again bending over him and clutching his neck in my grasp. "I'm the wife of the girl you were just fucking." I say coldly while applying pressure to his neck making his hands wrap around mine and body shake. "Now I'll ask again." I say, "Who. The. Fuck. Are. You?" I accentuate each word with a squeeze to his neck._

_"Br-Brian," He gasps, face turning red from lack of oxygen._

_"Brian," You copy._

_He nods his head quickly and as effectively as he can while my hand is around his neck._

_"And why were you in my bed Brian, more importantly my home?"_

_"I.. I.. B-Bar.. Met," He tries to stutter out and I narrow my eyes as I smell the alcohol on his breathe and try to put together what he's trying to say. __I relieve some of the pressure and let me speak. "I met her at a bar," He quickly says eyes begging for me to let him go._

_My anger flares once again and I let go of his neck to push down on his shoulders, straddling his stomach and I start to lay punch after punch into the drunken man._

_"How dare you take my wife home from a bar." I say while hearing a crack and a cry from the man beneath me. "What were you too drunk to see the wedding band on her finger you dick." I keep laying punch after punch into any part of his body that is uncovered by his arms now placed over his face, protecting his already broken nose._

_It's not until I hear the scream and shot from Santana who I forgot was in the room, pleading me to stop. "Britt, Your going to kill him." She shouts at you and you quickly stand up and jump back from him._

_I stare down at the bruised and bloody man lying on your bedroom floor, fighting to stay awake. My breathing is ragged and my face is bright red from rage. I start to pace the room, trying to clam myself down before I kill the man in front of me._

_The room is once again silenced. Only the heaving breathing coming from the man on the floor can be heard. I turn to face him once again before glaring at him and with the last of my strength pull him up, grab his pants from the floor and throw him out of the bedroom while telling him to get the fuck out._

_It's not until I hear the front door shut, do I turn towards my wife and all my anger is replaced with hurt and tears fill my eyes for the first time tonight._

_"Why?" I choke out. My arms wrapping around my body as if to protect me from what she's about to say._

_She just sits there and stares at me. The guilt on her face is undeniable. But the trust we once had between us is smashed with the words she utter next, "I'm sorry B, I don't know."_

_My heart breaks and my tears fall from my eyes staining and leaving cold damp trails down my cheeks._

_I turn and quickly exit the room heading towards the kitchen. It's just to hard to be standing in that bedroom right now._

_"I'm sorry OK I am so so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I love you so much please don't give up on me," I hear her plead as she follows me into the kitchen now wearing my old college jumper and my heart breaks all over again._

_"Give up on you. How can I ever trust you again? Am I just supposed to forgive you for sleeping with someone who wasn't me? Were the vows you took a joke to you?" I say to her in disbelief. 'How could she do this,' I think to myself._

_"What? Of course I took my vows seriously," I watch as she gets angry._

_"How can I believe you when you have just broke your vows Santana? You said you had changed since high school. I guess I am stupid for believing that you would change." I say bringing up the past I was always scared would rear it's ugly head._

_"Don't you dare call yourself stupid Brittany. You know I hate it when you or anyone calls you that because it is not true. You are the most intelligent woman and nothing will ever change that." My heart swells at how even now she still doesn't let anyone even me call me stupid. _

_But that feeling is soon gone when I turn to look at her my eyes once again filling with tears._

_"Yeah. Well you made me seem pretty dumb with me thinking you would never go with anyone else. But yet here we are standing in our kitchen arguing over how you did in fact __sleep_ with someone."

_I watch as her shoulders slump forwards and then repeats what she said in the bedroom just a few moments ago. "I'm so sorry," She continues, "I know you don't and won't believe me but when I say I didn't mean for this to happen I mean it. I love you like nothing else in this world and if I don't have you, I don't know what I would do with my life. I need you like the ocean needs water, like plants need sunlight. Without you I can not survive."_

_My breath hitches from what she says, even in the toughest of times she still says things that take my breath away and my belly get butterflies. But I stand strong. No amount of sweet words no matter how true can get her out of this one._

_"I just.. I don't know what to think right now. I hate you so much for what you have done but yet I still love you so much and it really, really hurts to know that you couldn't keep faithful to me." I fall against the table to keep my weight up. "Why wasn't I enough for you?"_

_I see her having an internally conflict with herself and I can see the guilt written all over her face. She hugs her body and looks up at me with tears in her eyes. "Don.. Don't you ever say that Britt," I choke on my words as I hug my body. "You were. Are enough for me. You always have been and always will be."_

_"So then why did you sleep with him then?"_

_She goes to answer but the stops herself. I watch as she thinks stuff over and then she opens her mouth and I can't believe what comes out of her mouth next. "Well maybe if you hadn't of left me for two months without telling me I wouldn't have felt lonely and we wouldn't have argued and I wouldn't have went to the bar and slept with some random guy who was giving me the attention my wife should have been."_

_I stare at her in utter disbelief how she is trying to blame me for all of this. "So what? This is all my fault because my job relies on me having to leave for two months so I can get money for us to buy food and keep our home? You are blaming me for not giving you enough attention when you know fine well I give you as much as I can with me having to leave for my job." I say fuming as I think how I have accepted the promotion at work for her._

_"Yes! That is the point it shouldn't be the case of 'give me as much', you should just be there for me, it shouldn't be something you must do while you aren't at work." _

_"How dare you! How fucking dare you stand there and say this to me. When you are the one that cheated! Oh no poor little Santana felt lonely so she had to go and find a warm body to keep her warm. Isn't that what you used to say? Well guess fucking what! I was lonely too but I was able to stay faithful unlike you!"_

_I watch as she falls to the floor, curling up into a ball crying._

_"I'm going to stay at Quinn's for a few days to think. But don't get your hopes up. It's not looking good."_

_I don't wait for her reply as I leave the kitchen and grab an over night bag and head for Quinn's leaving my heart behind._

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**A/N: It will be back to Santana's POV next chapter. Sorry for spelling mistakes, It's 4 am here, I'll re look at it later. Leave a review please. Thanks.**


	7. Chapter 7

Brittany had decided to head back to Quinn's while I stayed at my parents house. I told them that Brittany had some work left to do at home and I was just staying here since it's closer for me to get to the studio in the morning. You couldn't really tell them that Brittany was going back to Quinn's and you couldn't bare the fact of sleeping in that apartment tonight. You hate the silence that fills the house at night. I know I've made the biggest mistake of my life and if I could do that night all over again I would in a heart beat. But that's not how the real world works. Sometimes in life you don't get a happy ending, and there is nothing you can do to change it. I never meant to get drunk. I was just so mad at her. She would be home for 3 months tops then she would be flying out to a different place without even a glance in my direction. It was as if it didn't bother her to have to leave me behind every time. I thought I would of got used to her leaving all the time but each time was just like the first.

I would sit on our bed and watch as she packs her bags and suitcases, my heart beat slowing down every time I watched her put a new pair of clothes in the suitcases because that meant another day spent without me. I would feel myself becomes sadder with each mile left to go before she was at the airport. And I would feel the tears flowing down my face as I watched her plane fly up into the sky. And every time I would stand in that lobby until I couldn't see the plane any more. Then I would drive myself home, crawl up into our bed, on her side wearing only her old t-shirt and cry myself to sleep. That has been my routine for the better part of 3 years. And I know what you're thinking. You're being pathetic because you know she will be coming back to you soon and it's not like she was leaving you. But, that's not what it felt like. Every time she would leave, she never asked me how I was feeling, never once did she ask if I wanted to go with her, and what hurt the most was that the past couple of times she went away, she didn't tell me that she loved me back. We would hug and kiss and when I would say, 'I love you' her only reply was a small smile and a quick squeeze of her hand before she boarded the plane.

It hurt me a lot and when she had got back from her recent trip, I just let go of everything. I told her how it made me feel and how I was getting upset with her leaving all of the time. And she just sat there. She fucking sat there with a blank expression. It didn't even look like she was looking at me, it was like she was just staring into the space behind me.

So I got mad. I started to shout at her, telling her how she knows me talking about my feelings is hard for me and when I do tell her she just sits there with a blank expression as if she doesn't care. But something must have clicked in her head because next thing I knew she was shouting back at me, telling me that I am stupid for believing stuff like that and that she knows it's hard for me to talk about feelings but that I'd have to eventually grow out of it because she's sick of this wall that is constantly around my heart.

And that is what set me off. She knew what had happened with my parents and all the shit I had when I was younger, she knew why I had built this wall so why was she trying so hard to knock me back down. I thought we were in a good place where she understood that I have some boundaries that I'm still not comfortable with yet. But I guess I thought wrong, she mustn't have been happy with me not talking about everything. But I just can't help it..

Even now lying here in my old bed I can't find the courage inside of me to ring her.

But any way that is what led me to the bar that night. I was so mad at her for bringing my past up and I was hurt, and when I am hurt, I try to forget about everything and the best way I could ever forget was by drinking myself into oblivion until I can't even remember my own name.

I know it was stupid to go out and drink myself silly but I needed to forget about everything for a while and I know I can never really fully blame the alcohol for sleeping with him, because as I said, he was being affectionate with me and I had been missing that in my life for so long and I promise you now I would have never, ever, went with him back to the apartment if I wasn't drunk. But unfortunately I was and I wasn't thinking clearly and my stupidity ended with me in the apartment in the bed I share with my wife having sex with a complete stranger.

I had never felt so dirty in my life. I knew something wasn't right when we were in that bed. The weight on top of me was heavier and the grunts in my ear were louder and rougher than normally, but my head was all over and I couldn't figure out what was happening. The movements were much sloppier and erratic than usual as well. Every thing just felt completely wrong. But all I could do was lie there and wait for it to be over.

Out of all the shitty things that have happened to me in my life, all the self-hatred I went through was nothing compared to seeing my wife's face when she saw me in bed with someone else. The heart-break I saw on her face completely smashed my heart to pieces and it was in that instant when he came out from under the blanket and she dragged him out f it that I sobered up completely. Everything seemed to catch up on me at once, the meeting at the bar, the strange looks he was giving to me when I was drinking, him asking if I wanted more and more and I drank all of them because I was angry. Everything I had done caught up with me and it left me paralysed on the bed. Unable to move. My stomach dropped and my heart stopped beating as I felt everything drain out of me. I knew what I had just done was unforgivable, I knew it was my fault. But I just sat there thinking maybe it was his fault for getting me so drunk. I wasn't thinking clearly. But it doesn't matter what I thought then or now, because lying in this bed tonight, even though she told me not even 2 hours ago that maybe we can work things out and start again. I truly don't think we can ever be the same. For one I couldn't let her be with me for how badly I have treat her and most of all I can't live with myself for what I have done to her, she deserves a lot better than me, I can't burden her with my mistake. I love her too much to let her suffer just because I can't live without her.

But then again, maybe that should be my punishment. It seems right doesn't it. Letting her go to have a great life and me being alone forever. It only seems fair to take away the best thing I have ever had because truthfully I don't deserve anything good any more so I shouldn't have her, right?

Can two people actually come back after something like this and be happy again? Because from where I am right now I really don't see how it can happen. If I was Brittany I would have just up and left, I certainly couldn't forgive the person if they ever cheated on me. So why am I trying so hard for her to forgive me when I wouldn't myself?

I guess ultimately it's up to her and if she does want to be with me I will forever show her how grateful I am for a second chance, but if she doesn't want to be with me, I really can't blame her because, 1, I wouldn't be able to forgive the person who did it to me, and 2, if we got together again I won't be able to feel nothing but guilt and self-hatred for what I have done to her and that is not good for a relationship, that is a disaster waiting to happen and nothing can last with something that heavy above them.

I feel the tears in my eyes spill down my cheeks and I close my eyes to sleep with the reality of things finally hitting me. Knowing that this is the first of many lonely and loveless nights to come.

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**A/N: Please review and leave your comments on what you thought and also your suggestions to what you might like to happen, thanks **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So a lot happens in this chapter the ending I had wrote originally isn't in here but I have saved it because what happens is a real turning point and you will read it very soon. Anyway back to the story. Hope you enjoy and Please leave a review. Thanks :)**

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"What do you mean you won't be partners with me?" I say angrily down the phone.

"I'm sorry but I don't think that the clients you have signed to your record label will help improve our sales."

"And why is that? They are amazing, I wouldn't have signed them if I didn't think they were any good."

"Mrs Pierce, I'm not saying that your clients can't sing, in fact one of them is probably one of the best I have heard in a long time. However our company is looking more for someone who has a soulful voice, more bluesy."

"Oh. Well what if I find someone who has that type of voice, will you consider being partners then?"

"If you can find a client that is up to our standards in the next three weeks. You can call us partners."

Thank you Mr Smith. I wont let you down. Even if I have to fly all over America I will find them."

"OK Mrs Pierce, I will be in touch in a week to see if you have made any progress. Have a good day now."

"Yes, you too. Goodbye." I hang up the phone and rest my head against my desk. _How the hell am I supposed to find someone within three weeks!_

* * *

"Yes I need a one way ticket there," I say down the phone.

"OK, Mrs. Your tickets have been booked. Hope you have a lovely journey."

"Yeah sure thanks," I say quickly before hanging up and dialling the phone again.

"Yo, you've got Puck."

"Really Puck you're still using that?"

"Yes my good lesbro, the ladies love it so I will continue to please them."

"Ugh! You're pig do you know that."

"Hey, no need for the insults, you rang me remember."

"Oh right, Yeah I did. I need your help."

"Sure anything you want."

"It will involve flying to a different state."

"That's OK San, my schedule is wide open."

"Great so I will meet you at the airport at 8 on Friday and I will tell you the rest late OK?"

"Yep, that sounds fine, catch you later bro, there's a hot lady lookin' my way."

"Ugh, what have I told you about calling me bro and once again you're a pig!" I huff down the phone, ending the call but not before I hear him laugh.

* * *

It's Friday morning and I'm busy getting everything ready for leaving when someone knocks on the door.

"I'm coming," I shout, putting down my bag and making my way to the door. "Sorry about that I was just packing," I say after opening the door while looking back to show them the messy apartment.

"It's Fine.. Wait packing?"

My head snaps around to see Brittany standing outside.

"Oh, Hey. I didn't know you were coming round." I say quietly.

"Yeah, I er.. You know it doesn't matter right now, you seem busy as it is so I'll just come back later.

"Wait Britt, are you sure because I wont be here later."

"Where are you going?"

"I- er, I'm going to LA to hunt around bars and coffee shops to see if I can find a soulful singer, or bluesy, I think the man described them as."

"Oh, well no I will just come back later when you're gone. It's probably best if you weren't here anyway."

"Really? What do you want like?"

"I.. I'm just here to pick up some more of my stuff Santana." She says looking down at the ground.

My heart sinks a bit, realising that she is still moving out. With all of the stuff happening at work and this new partner that might join us I haven't really had a clear mind set so my heads been a little all over the place.

"Right," I say defeated, "You can just get your stuff now if you like, I'm not leaving until 2. And plus me being here won't make it hurt any less than if I wasn't."

"OK." She whispers back and I make room for her to walk into the apartment.

"You know I kind of forgot about you moving out. I guess apart of me doesn't want to believe it."

I watch as she comes back out of the bedroom with some of her things in her hand and place them on the couch.

"Look San, I know this is going to be hard on both of us. But you have to come to the fact that I can't be close to you right now and I maybe never will, but I am trying and right now moving out is the best thing for us."

"Yeah, yeah I know. Just wish it didn't have to be like this."

"Be like what Santana, You are lucky that I am even talking to you let alone be in the same room," She snaps at me and I jump a little, "Not everyone acts like this when someone cheats on them Santana. If I wanted every time I see you I could go down you throat and go on and on about how you made me feel and how you hurt me but I don't!"

"W-why?" I whisper.

"What?"

"I said why? Why don't you give me hell for cheating? Why don't you every time you see me remind me of my mistake? Because that is what I deserve right? To be reminded every single fucking day that I lost the best thing in my life."

"Look Santana, I don't want to argue with you right now. I told you this was a bad idea with you being here while I get my stuff. So I just going to come back later. I hope you find whoever you're looking for. Bye" She trails off as I watch her pick up some of her clothes and make her way to the door.

"Wait!" I say quickly and jog towards the door, "Can, can you please not take that." I point at the t-shirt that is in her hands.

"What this?" She asks holding up said t-shirt.

I nod and take a step towards her. "That was the first shirt you let me borrow to sleep in at yours in high school and I have slept in it ever since. Please let me keep wearing it. If I can't sleep next to you at least let me wear that to be close to you." I plead, my eyes stinging a bit from the memory of her first giving me the shirt.

She gives me a small smile before handing over the shirt.

"Goodbye San, have a safe trip, I hope you find someone. But remember," She says catching my attention, "Don't count yourself out."

And with that she leaves, leaving me confused with the words '_Don't count yourself out' _as I finish up packing and make my way to the airport.

* * *

I spot Puck standing next to the magazine rack, with ripped skinny jeans vest and leather jacket on, aviators covering his eyes which I have no doubt are checking out the girls around.

"Hey, meat head. Over here" I shout to get his attention sliding my own aviators onto the top of my head.

"What up?"

"Shut your shit Puck."

"Ouch," He laughs, "Only been like what 5 seconds and you hurt my feelings, that's a new record I think."

"You would have to have feelings for me to hurt them."

"Ouch, there it is again, hits me right here," He says the a faux pout while pointing to his heart.

"Shut up Noah, Now lets get on this plane so I can tell you what's happening.

Ever since starting the record label, Puck has always been a big help to me. He gives me some tips on people I should maybe consider to sign. He was the one who found Rachel Berry after all, My number one client with her amazing voice, but don't tell her I said that. I always offer him a job to go scouting for new clients but he never takes the offer, just replies with _'I like the job that I do, cleaning pools and singing at coffee shops it is what I was made for' _And I also always say I will sign him up so he doesn't have to sing in small crowded coffee shops, yet the answer is still the same, _'I like what I do' _So that is why I have asked him to come along with me because he's not just someone who can spot a person with a good voice, but he can hear the notes in their voice and he has a good ear for musicians to, so he can tell me just by looking at someone and hearing there voice whether they will be not just good but out of this world and also if they can play an instrument, which still to this day blows my mind because how can he tell just by looking at someone what instrument they can play or what they would be good at. I guess it's just a natural gift he has and the perfect reason to bring him along.

"Right so what are we lookin' for?" Puck asks while be puts our carry on luggage in the small compartment above us.

"Well I don't think I told you but I lost one of my big partners and if I am looking to keep BSPGroove running I need find 'nother one and the good news is that I have found a new partner. The bad part is that they are only willing to sign if I find a client who has a soulful voice to fit there purposes."

"Right OK, This shouldn't be too hard. Lets go and check out all of the local bars and coffee shops first because there is bound to be someone there."

* * *

"What the actual fuck!" I shout while pacing the hotel room floor, "We have went to about 30 different bars and coffee shops, traipsed around LA for god knows how many hours and we come back here with nothing! Not a god damn name or anything!"

"Hey, San, San, calm down. I guess we will just have to widen the search. Have you ever thought about looking at Chicago? They have some pretty decent singers."

"Right OK. We'll try there but God dammit we better find someone because I only have 3 weeks and I can't lose my label. I can't lose everything." I start to tear up and I curse myself for getting emotional in front on Puck.

"Hey, Shh. It's OK San. Anyway when have I ever let you down with finding good clients?"

"Yeah. I know Puck," You choke out, "I'm just scared that's all. I feel like this some sort of karma for what I have done."

"Look Santana. I am only going to say this once and you better listen good."

Once I look up at him and he knows he has my attention he continues.

"I have known you for so many years, you have been with me through a hell of a lot and I am not going to turn my back on you now. Yes you did a really, really shitty thing but life has just been as shitty to you and your label is part of the reason why you are still here today. Also Brittany but I'm not going to talk about her right now because I'm talking about you and yes maybe you don't deserve Brittany from what you have done to her but Santana." He says grabbing my chin and looking into my eyes, "You have to remember that you are just as important than the rest of us. You're feelings matter just as much as anyone else and until you can come to terms with what you have done nothing is going to get better. But as soon as you do that is when you will be able to not only let you forgive yourself but also Brittany. Because I'm sorry to say this Santana but unless you sort out your personal life and forgive yourself, this label wont be the only thing that goes forever."

"Thanks, Noah.. You really are the best person a girl could ever ask for." I smile sadly at him, his words hitting home. I lie down on the bed and he comes over and tucks me in.

"Sweet dreams Santana and remember, You're just as important."

I go to sleep that night with the Noah's words invading my mind.

* * *

**So if you ever love somebody**  
**You gotta' keep them close**  
**When you lose grip of their body**  
**You'll be falling**  
**'Cause I'm falling**  
**Deeper in love**  
**In love _[4x]_**  
**In love**

I stop singing and switch off the water running. I grab a towel and make my way into the bedroom.

"Jeez Puck! Fuck. Don't you know how to knock." I shout at him while holding a hand to my chest, "What the hell are you doing in here?"

"Ha. Sorry San, I came in to tell you I had booked the flights but then I saw you weren't in here and for a second I thought that I had entered the wrong room because fucking hell. Was that you singing?"

"Well do you see anyone else stepping out of the bathroom Puck?"

"What? I was just asking. Jesus Santana what are you doing?"

"Well Puck it looks like I'm putting on a pair of panties what does it look like?" I joke while pulling them up underneath the towel before putting on my bra and skinny jeans letting the towel fall to the floor before buttoning up the cream shirt I put on

"Not that stupid. Your voice! You're travelling around for a person with a soulful voice when you have one yourself and not being biased because you're my friend but that has to be one of the best voices I have heard!"

"Yes Puck I know I have a good voice, but.. and you don't know this. In fact no one does except Brittany. I auditioned for a lot of record labels and they all told me the same thing."

"And what was that?"

"To open my own because that is the only way I can get to creating music."

"Yeah well they are wrong Santana. You have one of the best voices I have heard and you know it too so that is bullshit that you would just give up like that!"

I start to lose my patients so I try to leave the room but he stands up and blocks the exit.

"Move out of the way Puck. Now!"

"No I want to know why you have kept your voice hidden all these years of owning a record label because if I am not mistaken, you have your _own _studio so what is stopping you from making your _own_ music?"

I get angry from him questioning me and when I look up into his eyes I snap.

"Fine," I say while moving back towards the bed, "You want to know why I didn't pursue my dreams of being a singer,then I will tell you why. When I was about 15 my parents asked me what I wanted to do with my life and I told them simply, 'A singer' and for a while they supported me they paid for vocal lessons and watched me perform at my glee club. But when my final year of school came about, my Dad.. he, he started to ask me what colleges I wanted to go to and I kept trying to tell him that I want to be a singer but he was having none of it and soon he wouldn't even let me sing in the house because he told me that he was OK with me having this dream for a while but I had to at some point grow up and find a real job and that he was only trying to help me. But as you know me I was having none of it so we started to argue constantly and after a while my Dad just seemed to not care about me anymore. He wouldn't even look me in the eye because he felt that I was wasting my life away and none of his children will not live up to his name so he didn't class me as his daughter anymore and that killed me! I went home every night to see him look at me with so much disgust in him eyes. And then to make everything worse," I say while wiping the tears away that have fallen down my face, "Some stupid person outed me at school and someone got it on tape and my parents found out over the TV that I was gay and Jesus. My family is full blown Christian Puck! I had got home that night and they were all there looking at me as if I was dirt under their feet and my father said something to me that I will never forgive him for, ever.. He came up to me and told me, '_I thought having a deadbeat daughter was bad enough. But having a sinner is even worse. You Santana are no longer welcome in this house, you will back your bags and leave instantly. You have no right to live on this earth anymore you stupid girl, I hope you get what you deserve Missy. Because sinners never live for long!'_"

"Jesus Santana I had no idea.."

"Yeah well you wouldn't, I moved in with Britt and she helped me through it all and after about four years they eventually came around but some small part of me thinks it is only because I have one of the best labels in town."

"I'm so sorry Santana."

"Yeah well you wanted to know right,! I whisper while picking up the towel that was on the floor and dried my eyes, "And the reason I don't sing now for my own label is because I am scared that my father will leave me again. He told me, when I first started the label that being the owner of the label is fine but singing is still just a hobby."

"Look Santana, I know what you are saying but you have an incredible voice and you can't waste natural talent like that. And also you have to think, if you don't find anyone in the next three weeks it's not going to matter if you sing or not because you will loose your label for good."

All while he was telling me this there was only one thing my mind was telling me.. _'Don't count yourself out'_

* * *

We never went to Chicago. We went straight back to New York when we finished talking in the hotel room. We said our goodbyes at the airport and he told me to think out what he said.

I got home at around 5 pm and just my luck there was someone outside my apartment. _Who the hell is that car. _I think as I climb the stairs.

As I reach the front door and see that it is unlocked and so I push the door open to find boxes and other stuff lying all around the room.

"Hello," I call out while putting my bags and suitcase in the corner.

I hear a crash and then a tall lean body make its way out of the bedroom.

"Santana, what are you doing here? I thought you were in LA for the next 3 weeks?"

"Yeah I was but then we had a change of plan. There was no one there and then me and Puck had a conversation at the hotel and now I'm here."

"Oh well did something bad happen?"

"Nope," I say with a fake smile, "Everything is fine just a change in plan that's all." I say while going into the kitchen to fill a glass of water.

"OK then San, well I didn't really expect you to be back so soon so as you can see the place is a mess but I'll just quickly tidy up and leave you to it."

"No, Brittany, it's fine. I've actually got to go somewhere and I'll stay at my parents house until you have finished all you packing. So it's fine take as long as you need."

"Are you sur-"

"Yes, now I must go. I'll see you soon?" I ask with a hopefulness invading my voice.

"Yeah maybe, See you," She replies before wandering back into the bedroom and me walking back down to my car to go take a visit to my Dad...

* * *

**A/N2: Yes/No? As I said before I had originally planned for something else but I don't think the stories ready for that yet. But anyway please leave a review.**


	9. Chapter 9

"Hey Papi," I say walking into the living room.

"Hey baby girl, how are you," He asks while folding his news paper

"I'm OK, had better days but y'know."

"Ah San, come tell your old Papi whats bothering you," He says with a comforting smile.

"Ahh," I sigh dropping down on the sofa next to him, "Where to start. Well for starters, my label is in some financial difficulties at the moment and unless I can find a singer within the next three weeks its bye bye BSPGroove."

"Oh I see and you're having no such luck finding a new artist?"

"That is why I am here right now talking to you," I say nervously.

"Really, why?"

"Because.. I..," I stutter before connecting dark drown eyes with hazel, "I have been doing a lot of thinking and the reason why I have come here now is because I want to tell you that I am signing myself up to my label. I have waited a very long time to make my dreams become reality and I finally have the materials and starting block to achieve them."

There is a silence that fills the room after I finish speaking. However your Dads eyes tell a thousand words. His hazel eyes turn cold, and hard and his once comforting smile now pulled tight.

My heart beats loudly against my chest, my hands start to shake as I think back to the first time he looked at me with those empty eyes.

* * *

_'Shit' I think as I quickly get out of my car and run into the house to find the whole family sitting there. Faces turned into frowns._

_I walk further into the living room and all eyes land on me._

_"Hey," I say weakly._

_"Santana," My fathers voice fills the room. "Come here."_

_I walk slowly to where he is sitting in his big arm chair. _

_"Yes Papi."_

_"Is there something you would like to tell everyone?"_

_I feel a lump form in my throat and I desperately try to swallow._

_"I- erm no?" I say but it came out as more of a question._

_"Would you please like to tell us about this?" I watch as he switches the TV on and on comes the advert."_

_"I- I don't know what you want me to say," I say breathless._

_"Well is it true?" He says with a cold voice._

_I don't answer for a moment, my mind is numb. I try to speak but nothing comes out of my mouth so I just nod and look down at the floor. I started to feel ashamed with everyone staring at me like a piece of dirt. They all stare at me as if I wasn't a part of there family where just yesterday we were having our family dinner and they smiled at me with so much love because I told them about my plan after school, (Well my fathers)._

_I hear my father stand up and come close to me lifting my chin up. My breath is caught in my throat as I gaze into his eyes. I had never seen him look at me like that before. They showed no emotion. No love. I felt my vision start to blur. I was about to say something when he speaks allowed and at the same time breaks my heart in two._

___"I thought having a deadbeat daughter was bad enough. But having a sinner is even worse. You Santana are no longer welcome in this house, you will back your bags and leave instantly. You have no right to live on this earth anymore you stupid girl, I hope you get what you deserve Missy. Because sinners never live for long!'_" 

_I didn't stay long after that. I grabbed as much as I could and drove to Brittany's. Leaving my whole family behind._

* * *

I remember now how I had felt when they had disowned me. I had went to Brittany's house and she comforted me all night and for years to come. She had become my rock ever since then and the thought of my father disowning me again and for her not to be standing there to catch me, strikes a fear into me that I have never known before.

We have been in silence for about 10 minutes before I finally break it.

"Please say something," I beg.

"I really hope you are pulling my leg here Santana because I do not find this funny."

"Wha- No Papi, I came here to tell you that I am finally ready to pursue my dreams, but ultimately to save my label. I.. I thought you would be happy for me?"

"I have told you once and I will tell you again Santana, I can condone your love for Brittany because she is a lovely girl and I have come to love her as my own, but this.. this foolish dream that you are still thinking about will never happen. I thought you had grown up and realised that there is more to life than a stupid hobby, when will you come to your senses Santana!" He says with a cold voice. He's not even shouting but that makes it just as worse.

His words stir something deep inside me and I feel my anger raise, as once again my own father can't support my life decisions.

"It is not a dream anymore Papi. When will _you _understand that I am no longer chasing a dream that wont happen! What more do you want from me? I went to college for you. I got my degree for you. A part of myself even opened the label so that you would finally talk to me," I stand up while shouting at him, before my shoulders slump forward and say quietly, "Do you have any idea how I felt when you cut me out from your life? From my whole families life?" I question.

His eyes bore into mine and I take a deep breath before continuing.

"I missed my own fucking sister grow up. We will never have the bond normal sisters have because you took that away from us before it even got a chance to start." I swallow the lump in my throat and watch as he goes to speak but I quickly interrupt him because I need to get this off my chest now because if I don't do it now that I never will.

"Any parent would be proud to call me theirs. I mean Jesus, I am only 24 yet I have fucking label to call my own. I have been working up to this moment since I was 21 for you and I have finally got it and I thought that now I can start to live the dream I wanted. Don't I deserve it after coming this far?" I ask, "When do I get to start living the life I want and finally be happy? Instead of leading a life that you approve of."

I watch as he steps towards me and I expect him to give me another lecture just like the last time But he doesn't. He just carries on until he is at the front door and opens it wide.

I feel my chest tighten as he opens his mouth and just like all those years ago, he breaks my heart again with his words.

"Goodbye Santana."

And there I run out of the house crying and driving back just like I did when I was eighteen. The only difference now though is that I wasn't driving towards Brittany.

* * *

**A/N: I have changed my name to purpletinte from OhhLil M. I'm so sorry for the late update. The only thing I can say is that school has basically took over my life right now. Anyways, there was no Brittana in this chapter but there will be in the next one, promise. Thanks, Please review :)**


	10. Chapter 10

I pull over into the parking space and sit outside the apartment for a while until I can get my breathing under control. It is strange to come here and call it 'the apartment'. This used to be a place where I felt safe, was my home. Our home. But ever since Brittany left it just feels like a place to keep me warm at night. There is nothing but memories drifting through these four walls. I haven't been into the kitchen since she left either. I have avoided it like the plague. I just can't handle going in there and remembering what happened. Just like I haven't been in the bedroom since she left. I've basically made camp on the sofa in the living room.

Maybe I should sell the place. But then again I can't. It is the only thing that has me close to her now. The good memories in that place can never be taken away, even of she left. It was our first taste of freedom when we bought this place. But ever since she left it feels more like a prison. Wherever I go, which ever room I enter the weight upon my shoulders gets just that little bit heavier.

My breathing slows down and I hope to God that Brittany has left by now.

But I guess my luck was running short.

A tap on the passenger side window breaks me out of my thinking. I jump a little before looking up to see someone looking into the car.

Brittany.

I quickly wind the window down, "Hey, Britt." My voice is hoarse from the crying and I try to clear my throat.

"Hey Santana. Are you alright? I was just coming out and noticed you hadn't moved in a while." She says bending down till she can see my face and you see concern spread across her face.

"I.. yeah B. I'm OK. Just tired that's all." I trail of as I watch her get into the car.

"Don't lie to me Santana. It is me y'know, there's no point in lying."

"Why do you care anyway?" I say defensively. Why does she care? I've been horrible to her so why should she care about how I feel? Plus she has been hot and cold with me. But then again. I can't blame her.

"Santana." She says sternly and I drop my hardened gaze straight away, choosing to stare ahead into the distance. My jaw clenches as I try to stop myself from crying. I can't. Not in front of her. She doesn't need you crying. 'You don't deserve to cry', I tell myself. A mantra of 'don't cry', repeats in my head as I feel her blue eyes burning a hole into the side of my face.

"San," She says gently and places her hand on my arm and that is all it takes for me to break and the tears start to flow freely as I sob into my hands.

"Oh Santana." Brittany pulls me into a tight embrace as best as she could.

"It's all my fault." You cry out but Brittany can't quite understand what I'm saying since my head is still buried into my hands.

I keep repeating how it's my fault and it's gone. Brittany doesn't say anything just chooses to sit there silently and rub my back for support.

After about 20 minutes my tears subside and all is left is little hiccups that make my chest hurt and eyes to water a little. I finally lift my head out of my hands and look towards Brittany.

"I'm sorry for being like thi-..s" I hiccup and wipe my red and puff eyes.

"Hey, Come on, let's go inside and I'll make you some tea."

I let Brittany basically drag my body upstairs and into the apartment before collapsing onto the sofa while she goes into the kitchen.

"Hey, Santana, when was the last time you went shopping? Everything's out of date." I hear Brittany say before she walks back in holding a carton of off milk to prove her point.

"A while," I say weakly. Bowing my head down to hide my embarrassment.

"What have you been eating then?" I hear the concern flood Brittany's voice.

"Just take-out and that." I say quickly before curling up on the sofa and then I realise how the pillow is here and I try to hide it out of sight but it is too late.

"Why is your pillow out here and the blanket?"

"What is it 20 questions?" I snap at her.

"Fine, I was only asking no need to snap at me."

I let out a sigh as she walks back into the kitchen and I sit up and wait for her to come back out. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I've just had a bad couple of days and I'm taking it out on you and I shouldn't be." I say sincerely my eyes soften as I stare up at her.

"It's OK San. I get it.." She says while taking a seat on the sofa next to me. "You wanna talk about it?"

My body becomes stiff and she must see it because her hand is once again rubbing my back, comforting me.

"I don't really know how to start. Everything's just fucked up. _Everything_.." I whisper the last part. my head falling back onto the sofa.

"Come on you can tell me. I know where split up and stuff but you can still talk to me with your problems."

"That's just the thing though isn't it," I laugh sarcastically she looks at me funny so I continue, "Us," I point between us, "I fucked that up. I ruined everything and for that everything around me is slowly falling apart."

"Look, San. Yes you fucked it up with us but you can't think that whatever has happened is some sort of karma."

"Yes, that is exactly what I believe because it is true," I say louder and stand up, pacing the floor in front of us. "I messed up something that was so pure and amazing, so the universe is trying to teach me a lesson. A lesson that I shouldn't have anything good when I broke the heart of the best thing in the world. I fucked up, therefore I am being punished," I ramble on and I don't realise I am crying again until Brittany is in front of me wiping them away.

"Santana, you're being silly. The world isn't trying to punish you because of what happened between us. And anyway what has happened, you still haven't told me."

My shoulders slump forward and I let a shaky breath out before replying, "My dad, he, he's left me again."

Brittany's eyes widen and both of her hands come to cup my face and looks directly into my eyes. "What? Did, was it to do with us, y'know splitting?"

My eyes cast downwards, "No. It was about us."

"Oh. Well what was it then?"

"Well I'll start from the beginning." I take a deep breath before telling her everything that has happened, "My label has had some problems and we needed to find a new singer, as you know. To try and get this new partner and so me and Puck went to La, which you also know, to try and find some singer, but we didn't and while we were there Puck heard me singing in the shower and he started to lecture me on how I should sign myself and I told him I couldn't and he asked why which lead to me telling him about being kicked out but I only told him that because we got into an argument and it sorta came out," I get lost in what I am saying before I get back on track, shaking my head in the process, "But anyway we decided to cut the trip short. But when I was lying in that hotel room. The words you said to me before I left were stuck in my head, '_Don't count yourself out'. _Did you mean what I think?" I look up at her waiting a little impatiently.

"Yes it is what you think San. You have a beautiful voice and it's about time people other than your shower head hear you."

I smile and blush, trying to duck my head but I can't because her hands are still around my face and I think she has forgotten that they are there.

"Well after I came back, after I left here I went to go see my Dad, to tell him that I was going to sing again." My smile suddenly slips off my face. "Things didn't go so well over there." I choke out, tears falling from my eyes again.

"Oh, I'm sorry San. I didn't think he would react like that."

I move away from her grasp, suddenly feeling like being alone, "Yeah, well he did and now he doesn't want to see me anymore. I tired to tell him that I was doing it to save the label for christ sake but he wouldn't listen. Guess I know where I got my stubbornness from." I try to joke but it just comes out bitter.

"I'm sure they will come around. Your Dad will see how great you are a singing and will forget about what he thinks. You just have to prove it to him that you can do it and not let me get the better of you."

"I tried that remember Brittany. It didn't work out, what makes you think it's going to work this time."

"Because you believe in yourself now. You believe that you can make it and I know you can too. I always have." Brittany says boldly.

"Yeah, well it feels pretty shitty right now." I say with a frown.

"It will get better San I promise."

I look up at her and my mind goes to our relationship. "Nothing will be better when you're not by my side."

I hear her let out a sigh and I know I shouldn't of said that. We are talking about my career not our relationship but I just couldn't help it. It is true after all. I could get picked up by the label as a singer. I could go on to big and better things. But without her by my side everything seems kind of pointless. How can you enjoy something when you have no one to share it with?

"San. Don't do this. Not now, we are not talking about us."

"I know. I know," I say, "But it doesn't make it any less true." I whisper the last part. "You have to know that right?" I ask her.

"What?"

"That I can never be truly happy without you."

I watch her eyes cloud over and my heart beat speeds up, "Don't say stuff like that." is all she says.

"Why? It's the truth. You are my everything. Why can't you see that?" I say desperately.

"You know why Santana. You know exactly why I feel insecure about our relationship." She says, "What have you just forgot that you are the cause of this mess? Yes I am happy that you are finally getting the courage to sing again. But let me make this clear right now." She says slowly but very clearly while looking me dead in the eye. "Us," She points in between us, "Wont get back together for a while, maybe never."

Once again my heart breaks. I'm surprised it hasn't just gone numb from all that has happened. But the pain is a reminder of what I did. Every time my heart aches I remember what I did to the heart that I once held in my hand.

"Don't say that," I beg, "I know we can make it through this. We are meant to be Brittany. I know it and you know it," I say determinedly.

She laughs, actually laughs and my heart jumps into my throat. I haven't heard that laugh in so long. But I know it's not a happy laugh. And that just breaks my heart all over again. She has 3 laughs. One when she tries to hide it and her ears turn red. Another one where it is silent but her eyes shine so bright and tears appear in the corner of those ocean blue eyes. And finally one where she was laughing at me. A laugh so loud it is like a cackle but sounded like music to my ears. I never thought I'd hear that laugh though, it sounded so sad but sarcastic at the same time, her mouth skewed up, eyes held no emotion.

"I used to. I thought we could make it through everything. Just like our vows said _'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part'_. But after what you did. After what I walked in on. I just.. I can't get it out of my mind Santana. My heart aches all the time, my mind clouded with questions of why you did it." She says with tears in her eyes, voice jumping. "I just don't know what to feel anymore." She cries out and I watch as she sways and I moved forward to catch her before she falls.

My lips press against her temple as she takes deep breaths to calm down. I walk over to the sofa and gentle lower us down until she is lying with her head in my lap.

"I'm so sorry Brittany," I say while tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I never meant to hurt you. It hurts me so much to see you like this. I would give anything to go back and change what happened." My voice is barely louder than a whisper as I recall the event that happened. "I was so fucking stupid. I let my insecurities get the better of me and it resulted in something that should never of happened." I look down and see her eyes are shut but her breathing is still erratic which lets me know she hasn't fallen asleep. "I love you so much B. You're it for me and I know it is ultimately up to you. But I just want you to know that I love you. I always have and always will. I know I've been saying this a lot lately but it's only because it is true. I need you to know how much you mean to me. Nothing will ever change that." I lean down and kiss her forehead. Tears spill down my cheeks and the ache in my chest gets that much worse.

"I believe you Santana."

I jump at the sound of her voice and watch her eyes flutter open.

"I know you love me and that you're sorry. I've always known that. And that is why it makes it so much harder to tell you what I have to say."

"Wha- what is it that you have to tell me?"

Her eyes cast downwards and her eyes get even more sadder than before.

"I.. I got Quinn to file our divorce."

And just like that I die. Not physically, but mentally. I don't start to cry. I don't feel any pain in my chest. I just simple feel every feeling I have ever felt leave my body. I sit there hollow. There is nothing left inside. I'm dead to the world.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry but it had to happen eventually. I went back and forth on whether they should get a divorce and I gave in. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's the end for them :). Please leave a review of what you thought, thanks.**


	11. Chapter 11

It has been a week since Brittany told me about the divorce. It has also been 2 days since I found out I'm pregnant.

I had woke up feeling sick so I had ran as quickly as I could to the toilet to throw up. After I had finished I fell against the bath tub and rubbed my stomach. I had just put it down to eating something bad. I never in a million years think it was because of being pregnant. I didn't find out straight away though. I did honestly think I was just sick, but then after a few days I was becoming sick to the smell of things and the throw ups were becoming more often. But I didn't take a test until I had checked the calendar a couple of days a go.

I was late.

I had left the apartment straight away to get a test from the local chemist. The whole way there I felt like I was being judged. Even the spotty teenager who served me made me feel like he was judging me. As if he knew about it all and was disgusted by it.

It was the longest 3 minutes of my life when I had got back to the apartment and peed on the stick.

I remember the sound of my phone alarm going off to signal the time was up, my shaky hands reaching for the stick.

Positive.

I remember feeling sick for a whole other reason. I couldn't be pregnant. It was just my fucking luck. Not only do I lose Brittany, but now I am pregnant with a strangers baby. I felt light-headed and the corner of my vision became blurry. This couldn't be happening. Not now, not fucking now when everything else seems to be falling a part right in front of me.

I can't be. I just can't.

I can't raise a baby by myself, I can barely look after myself. I'm not ready.

The thought of having some strangers baby inside of me made me feel even more dirty. Sure I felt like shit for sleeping with another person and I will never forgive myself for breaking Brittany's heart. But this.. being pregnant and it not be Brittany's baby just makes me feel worthless. I have never felt so much self-hatred. But then again I deserve this right? I did a terrible thing and now I am being punished.

People believe in that right. Karma. That if you do something horrible the universe will work against you until something horrible happens back. Well it worked. I am defiantly being punished for what I did.

I have no one to talk to either. I can't go back home. They don't even know that I cheated. I defiantly can't go to Brittany about this. Puck won't understand so that's a waste of time.

I literally have no one to turn to. No one can help me.

No one.

My worst fear in life has come true.

I'm all alone.

And that's the thing. I'm not just talking about being pregnant. It's also the fact that Brittany wants a divorce. I can handle a lot of things but not this. I can't handle the fact of not being called Mrs Pierce. I just can't. It just feels so natural now to write and say Pierce. And for that to be taken away. For my baby to not love me destroys me.

My head starts to hurt and I feel tired so I crawl onto the couch and try to sleep some of the pain away.

* * *

The sound of my phone ringing pulls me out of slumber. I reach blindly for it.

"Hello," My voice is hoarse and I cough a little to clear my throat.

"Hey, Santana, It's Quinn."

My eyes widen when I hear her voice. Why was she calling? Did she want to do it over the phone?

"Qu-Quinn, I- What's up?" I cringe slightly at what I reply back and I can basically see Quinn roll her eyes at me.

"You know why I'm calling Santana. It has been a week and you haven't come by for the papers."

"That is because I'm not signing Quinn. I would of thought you of all people who understand." I bite back my defensive mode in full.

I hear her scoff before replying, "And what is that supposed to mean?"

I let out a sarcastic laugh and I hear her breathing get heavier on the other end from anger. "Oh Quinn, dear Quinny, have you forgot about high school. What was it again.. Preggers?"

I hear her breath hitch and squeak a little. "How dare you bring that up, this has nothing to do with what I did in high school. I was a child. You are a fully grown adult. It is no way the same."

"Oh is it not? Cheating is cheating Quinn. No matter how old you are it is still the same. So you have no right to get involved."

"I do have a right to get involved when it is my best friend who is crying her eyes out every night. I do have right when I hear her cry for your name every fucking night. I do have a right to get involved because you aren't the one who is trying to pick up the pieces of a heart that barely exists anymore. So don't tell me I have no right when it was her who asked me too."

I am literally speechless. She's right. But I wasn't going to let her get the best of me.

"Look Quinn. I know you want what is best for Brittany. I know that. But do you honestly think that I am just going to let go of her without a fight? You clearly don't know me at all if you think I am going to let her go, because there is nothing on this earth, nothing that no one could say that will make me stop trying."

The line goes silent and for a minute I thought she had hung up, but then her voice came back through and it shocked me straight to my core,

"What if she told you she doesn't love you anymore?"

I don't answer, I just throw my phone against the wall and crumble against the sofa. Quinn is right, Brittany isn't going to love me once she finds out I'm pregnant. She can just barely look at me now, but how is she going to react when she finds out about this.

My mind races and tears fall endlessly down my face until I fall asleep from exhaustion.

* * *

I don't want to be here today. I thought I could just somehow forget about it and pretend it isn't real but I can't. I push the door open to the hospital and make my way to the reception.

"Hi, I'm Mrs Pierce, I'm here for my 9 o'clock appointment."

The old woman smiles kindly up at me, "No problem dear, Dr. Smith will be ready for you soon, just take a seat over there." She points to the seating area and I make my way over to the furthest corner and wrap my arms around my belly as some sort of protection.

Five minutes late Dr. Smith comes out of his room and calls for me. I walk shakily towards him and he points to the seat for me to sit in.

"So Santana, what brings you here today?"

I swallow the lump in my throat before replying, "I, I need to take a pregnancy test."

"Oh, well have you tried the pregnancy test from the chemist, they are normally correct."

"Yes, yeah I have but I just need to make sure that I really am."

"Yes, well all we can do is take a wee sample and get the results from that and if you're still not happy with that we can also take a blood test."

I nod my head before he passes me a cup and I make my way down the hall to the toilets.

I remember the first time I took one of these test. I had been complaining of a pain in my stomach for days, but me being stubborn, I thought I could just wait it out and it will go away. But it didn't. Nope, I ended up having some infection and I had to get antibiotics.

Oh how I wish this was an infection.

I make my way back and hand the bag over to him and he leaves telling me he'll be 10 minutes.

What am I going to do if his comes back positive? If it does I'm going to get the blood test. I just have to be sure. I have to be 100 per cent positive. But what the fuck am I going to do after? Who do I tell? I can't keep it a secret forever. And it isn't just me, what am I supposed to say to this baby when he or she grows up and ask after their father. _'Oh I cheated on who was supposed to be your real Mom so I don't actually know who your father is.'_ Even my own child will think I am dirt under their shoe.

I sit there for what seems like hours when the door in front and Dr. Smith walks back in with a few sheets of paper.

"So from the sample it looks like you are in fact pregnant." My heart squeezes painfully and tears spring to my eyes. "Would you still like to take a blood test?"

"Ye-Yes, just to be sure." I stutter before pushing up my shirt so he could take my blood. I wince and look away when he puts the needle into my arm. I've never been a very big fan of needles. I always used to get Brittany to come in with me when e got our shots done at school.

It is over quicker than I thought and once again he was walking back out of the room but this time he comes back straight away. I look up confused.

"I gave it to another nurse to look at. I thought we could have a little chat. So do you have any plans?"

"What do you mean? Like medically?"

"No, I mean just with the baby in general. I'm assuming here and tell me if I have stepped over a line but I have known you for sometime now Santana and if this baby was yours and Brittany's she would be here right now."

I go to interrupt him but he just puts his hand up silencing me. "I also know from experience that people who want to be pregnant don't have a blood test taken to prove they are. When they see that positive on the stick at home they are so happy that they don't even question it."

How did he know. I didn't think it was that obvious. But once again I get defensive and lash out at him.

"Yes you were right the first time. You have crossed the line. It is none of you business. Your only concern should be my health. Not my personal life."

He looks down for a moment before looking back up with soft eyes, "I'm sorry Santana, I didn't mean to offend you, I just have to ask everyone this when they ask for a blood test because it isn't that common here."

I look away from him and stare at the door waiting for the nurse to come back with the results so I can get the hell away from this place.

Finally the door opens and a middle-aged woman comes in with more sheets of paper.

I watch as Dr. Smith reads over the papers before placing them on the desk and facing me.

"Same results again Santana, you are pregnant."

The tears I have been trying to keep at bay come crashing down my face and my breathing becomes erratic.

That is it. My life is officially ruined. I go to get up and walk out when his voice fills the room.

"Santana, I know you said that your personal life has nothing to do with me but I just want you to remember that as soon as your personal life begins to affect your health it is my business especially since you aren't just looking after yourself now. You have a responsibility now and you need to see it through no matter how hard it is. Don't blame the baby for this. He or she is innocent in whatever is going on. Just remember that. Also make an appointment again for four weeks time."

I don't answer back, I just quickly step out of the room and make my way to the reception desk again.

"Hi, I need to make an appointment for four weeks time."

"Sure no problem, same time?"

"Yes," I whisper.

She hands me an appointment card with the date and time and I turn to make my way back the apartment when I hit into someone.

"Ugh"

"Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going."

"Santana? What are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

My face drains and I am momentarily stunned. She places a hand onto my shoulder which breaks me out of it.

"Hey, No everything is fine, just check up y'know. I feel a little sick so I just want to get it checked out before it can get worse." I place my arm around my stomach as if to shield her from the truth.

You see your mothers face soften, "Well OK then. I must get back now, your father is waiting for me."

"Ye-yeah sure, erm.. tell him I said hi." I mumble and tighten the arm around my stomach.

"Your father will come around eventually. You've just got to give him some time to think it over."

She smiles down at me and begins to walk out of the hospital when for some reason I call her out, "Hey Mami."

"Yeah."

"I need to tell you something."

* * *

***Runs away and hides in the corner* Don't be mad at me! Sorry I had to make her pregnant. It'll get better though promise, just not right now obviously. Please leave a review of what you thought and also what you would maybe like to see happen next. Thanks :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Okay so some weren't happy I guess with the last chapter and I would just like to clear up what someone said about how they think I am going to shame abortion because the doctor didn't talk to her about it straight away. I would never do that. I do not have an opinion on the subject, whatever the woman feels and does is her choice to make, I have no right to judge, however in saying that the topic will be discussed, I just wanted Santana to think about it. I hope that clears it up and you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for all of the reviews :)**

* * *

We had decided to go back to my parents house after my mother rang my dad and told him to just go to work and because she caught up wih some friends. Plus I don't really want her to see the apartment right now.

"So Santana, what do you need to tell me?" She said while placing the cup of coffee on the table.

I pick up the cup with a grateful smile before taking in a deep breath. This is it. Now or never.

"I did a really bad thing Mami," I say sipping my coffee.

"What do you mean Mija?" I watch her brow crease and the weight on my shoulder increase.

"I, I'm pregnant." I blurt out.

Her eyes go wide and mouth drops open with shock. It was kind of comical really, I remember watching a kids programme and a cats eyes would always double in surprise and it's chin would crash to the floor.

"What? How? I thought you and Brittany were waiting?"

My eyes cast down to the coffee in front of me and it seems that even after all these years my silence still speaks louder than my words.

"Mija, what have you done?"

"I'm so sorry Mami, I didn't mean to." I sob, reaching forward to grab onto her hand.

"Didn't mean to do what sweetie?" Her voice is soft and her thumb rubbing the back of my hand is oddly comforting.

"I.. I slept with someone else."

I feel her hand loosen in mine and tears start to collect in my eyes. A thick silence fills the air and I start to find it hard to breathe.

"Please say something Mami.." I beg.

"I am so disappointed in you Santana. After everything we have been through you still haven't learned your lesson. How could you do this too Brittany? Does she even know?"

My head shoots upwards, "Well, she knows about me cheating but not about me becoming pregnant. I've literally just found out myself. I just want to figure it out before I can tell her." I say honestly.

"Santana, what were you thinking?"

"I know Mami, I know. That's the thing I wasn't, I was upset and drunk and I know it is my fault I know but I still don't know what the hell I was thinking. I have wished so many times to go back and undo it. To make everything right again."

My mother shakes her head and I cry even more. This is it, she's going to kick me out and not want to see me ever again. But just like that she reads my thoughts again.

"Santana, honey, I know what you are thinking but even though I am disappointed in you. I am not going to leave you. Not now when your life could possible change forever. Have you thought about what you want to do yet?"

I shake my head in response.

"You know, if you aren't ready there are other options.." My Mother trails off.

I know what she means. Abortion. I'm not going to lie, I've thought about it. I mean I am kidding myself if I believe I can raise this child on my own. I place my hand over my stomach again. A habit I have developed since finding out.

"I, I don't know Mami, I really don't. I'm just so scared right now!"

She comes around and hugs me tightly while I bury my head into her shoulder.

"Things will get easier San, I promise. The pain you feel now will soon fade."

I lift my head and stare at her before saying honestly, "I'm not ready Mami, I can't do it."

* * *

It's weird sitting here in this rigid plastic chair. Never in my life did I think I would be sitting in the lobby of an abortion clinic. I always thought that once I was pregnant I would have a house and most of all Brittany by my side. But she isn't and here I am.

My Mother comes and sits down beside me after being gone to get coffee. She asked if I wanted one but right now I don't think my stomach could handle it.

"It's going to be alright Santana. If you aren't ready then this is the right decision. But you have to promise me one thing?"

I look up into her comforting familiar brown eyes, "Sure Mami, anything.."

She grabs a hold of my hand, "Promise me you will still tell Brittany."

My breath hitches and she must see the fear in my eyes because she starts to rub her thumb along my hand. I go to open my mouth before a door to my right opens and a nurse comes out calling my name.

I stand up on shaky legs before giving my Mother a nervous smile before following the woman into the room.

"Hello there Mrs Pierce. How are you today?"

"Hi, I'm OK I guess just a little nervous." I say taking a seat.

"That is perfectly normal in these situations. Now I must go over some points with you before taking about the method of treatment you will take."

She looks up at me and I nod in understanding.

"All right. Well first and foremost are you sure you want to go through with this?"

"Yes." I say confidently.

"Good. And any medical history we should know? Is anyone anaemic in your family?"

I shake my head but I am not too sure, "Err, I'm not really hundred percent on that."

"That's OK we can just take a quick blood test to see if you are, plus we need to see what blood type you are."

The nurse that brought me in is by my side again but this time holding a needle, "This might sting a little."

After she left the room with my blood the doctor started talking again, "Right, while we wait for your blood results I will take an ultrasound to see how long you are.

She points over to the bed and I go down and lay down. "This may be a little cold."

I shiver as she puts the gel on my skin. I look to my right and I see small screen but I couldn't see anything.

"Well it looks like your really early on in you pregnancy so the treatment is fairly simple." She says while wiping of the gel and pulling my shirt down for me.

"Once your results come back I will give you a pill called 'mifepristone'," She hold up the box which hold them, "and that will basically stop the hormone from making the lining of your womb. And after that you can go home and continue your everyday routine. However some women get mild cramps and a little bleeding, but some don't . If you have heavier bleeding or significant pain, you should contact the hospital or come back here straight away." I nod at her and she continues, "After two days you will come back here and I will give you another pill called 'prostaglandin'," She hold up another box, "which within four to six hours of taking, your womb lining will break down and be lost, along with the embryo, through bleeding from your vagina. This part of the process can be painful, but you can take a painkiller if needed. But be careful which ones you take as you might get diarrhoea."

I nod again in understanding and just then the door opens and the nurse from before comes in with the results.

"Well it looks like everything is fine here so let me give you this," She says handing me the first pill 'mifepristone' and then walking over to the sink to grab a cup of water for me, "Here you go."

"Thanks," I say before putting the pill in my mouth and washing it down with water.

"Now remember you might get some cramps and little bleeding but anything worse come straight back."

"Yeah sure, no problem."

"Great then that is all for today. I will see you in two days time. Have a good day, bye."

I smile at her for the first time before saying goodbye and exiting the room.

* * *

"So how are you feeling?"

"I'm good. The doc said I might get a little cramp or bleeding but not everyone gets it so we'll just see."

"This is a brave thing you are doing Santana," My mother tells me seriously.

"Yeah I know, it just feels weird that's all." I say looking down a my stomach. "Oh and before what you said earlier in the clinic about Brittany.."

"Yeah?"

"I will."

* * *

*Beep Beep*

"Ugh!" I moan while hitting the alarm. Today's the day I go back for the other pill.

The first part of the treatment hasn't been so bad. I got a little cramp. I did however get a little more bleeding than I expected so I went to see Dr. Smith.

I think he was surprised to see me. He apologised straight away for being unprofessional. But he also told me that what he meant by my responsibilities was not just about keeping the baby he also meant other options too and I joked with him saying maybe next time don't be so cryptic. He examined me and he just said it was normal nothing to worry about and we left on a good note.

I reached for my phone and dialled my Mothers number.

"Hey Mami, I've just got up now yes.. Yeah, I'll pick you up soon love ya."

I took a quick shower, put on some skinny jeans and white v-neck. I didn't bother with make-up and tied my hair up in a pony tail. Leaving the house to go pick up my Mother.

* * *

"Hey Mami."

"Hey Mija," She greeted me with a kiss on my cheek, "You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be. I'm just a little scared because she said this part of the treatment will be painful."

"Well I'll be here with you so don't worry."

I pull up into the car park and we both get out and enter the clinic to see the doctor already waiting outside.

"Good morning Santana, I will be with you in just a second, why don't you take a seat in my office."

I smile and walk into the room but this time bring my mother in with me.

We chat a little before she comes back into the room.

"Right then, lets get started. How have you been feeling?"

"Good, a few cramps and bleeding but overall good."

"Great, so let me just get you your pill and you can be on your way."

She bends down at her cupboard and hands me a pill and cup once again.

"Thanks," I say taking the pill.

"Right then, as you know this will be the most painful part but it shouldn't last too long. You will probably start to feel the pain in about four hours so I would have some painkillers ready. Also you will bleed through this part of the treatment as your womb lining and also the embryo will break down. I also suggest you don't have any sexual relations within 2 weeks just for the risk of infections. But other than that everything else will be fine and you will be ready to go in no time."

"Thank you, and that won't be a problem don't worry," I joke before shaking her hand and walking out back to the car with my Mother trailing behind.

"So I guess that's it," I say.

"Yeah, it's fast if you think about it."

"Yeah, it is. Now comes the hardest part," I say looking at my mother.

"Telling Brittany."

* * *

**A/N: So I did some research for this chapter just so I didn't get anything wrong. Hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review. Thanks :)**


	13. Chapter 13

My hands feel sweaty and heart is bouncing against my rib cage as I step out of my car and make my way to Quinn's apartment.

I had dropped my mother off at home before making my way to where Brittany is staying. She still hasn't found a place to stay and you're pretty sure Quinn is just going to let her stay there for good. I mean why not, it's better to be somewhere familiar plus I don't want Brittany to live by herself.

I knock on the door and wait while fumbling with my fingers. Soon enough the door swings open but the wrong blonde is standing there.

"Hey Quinn. Is Brittany in?"

"Santana." She says and I cringe slightly from the tone of her voice.

"Yeah," I whisper looking down at my feet.

"Sorry but I don't want you coming round here anymore Santana."

My head shoots up and eyes pleading, "What? No Quinn I need to speak to Brittany."

"Well she doesn't want to speak to you. Why can't you understand that?" She says loudly making me jump back a little. "Just leave her alone Santana, you have put her though enough."

She goes to shut the door but I quickly jump and put my foot between the door and it closing.

"Quinn I really need to speak to her i's important." I plead once more my hand pushing on the door but it seems Quinn has put her whole weight against the door so it wont budge no matter how hard I try. "Quinn, please!" I struggle, "GODDAMMIT QUINN I NEED TO TALK WITH HER!" I give up shouting loudly and giving one last finally push and I don't know whether it was because of my last push or the sound of me shouting but Quinn backs away from the door and it flies open knocking a picture off the wall in the process.

"Brittany's not here."

"What? Why didn't you just say so?"

"Because I don't want you to hurt her anymore Santana can't you see that? Everytime you have been to see her or talk with her she always comes back her in a shit mood and cries herself to sleep. It breaks my heart that I have to see her like that and if it takes you not seeing her then I will do everything to stop her from seeing you."

"My anger flares and gets the better of me, "I don't give a flying fuck Quinn, she is still my wife and we have things to sort out! It has nothing to do with you. I know it sucks to see Brittany cry, believe me I fucking know. But don't you dare," I spat moving closer to her our noses centimetres away, "Try and stop me from seeing her because it will be the worst thing you will ever do." I glare at her until she nods before stepping back and taking deep breath while turning around to walk away before I hear Quinn's voice behind me.

"She's at the studio."

/

I had quickly ran down the stairs and to my car once I had heard Quinn say she was at the studio. It was a 10 minute drive from Quinn's apartment so it gave me a little time to think about what I was going to say and think of the worst that might happen. But to be honest nothing I could ever think of will be as bad as seeing her face once again crumble under the pain I will cause her again. But I have to tell her. I can't keep this from her. It's for the best.

I finally reach the studio and make my way into the building Everything is still the same, nothing has changed except the flowers that now decorate the left side of the room.

I look up at the clock on the wall behind the desk and see that it is lunch time. _That must be why no one is here, _I think to myself as I take the familiar corridor which leads me to Brittany's personal studio where she likes to dance on her breaks.

I continue to walk towards the studio and once I get near the door I go to reach for the handle when I spot Brittany at the speakers changing songs,I go to turn the handle when the music blasts through the speakers. I had never heard the song before but straight away the music makes my heart drop into my stomach.

I watch her dance gracefully across the floor as the opening plays through until finally the words start to play and I focus on the words.

_You say you don't know what you were thinking _  
_Well neither do I_  
_And after all the time we spent together _  
_You think you deserve another try _

My heart cracks and tears spring to my eyes as I realise what the song is about.

_Well girl I don't know what it is that your expecting _  
_Just because you look me in the eyes_  
_And say your sorry, oh your sorry, you want it back the way it was_  
_Well I'm sorry, but sometimes sorry just ain't good enough_

_You say you never meant to hurt me_  
_Well that might be true _  
_But do you really think I should forgive you?_  
_For what you put me through _  
_Oh I remember everytime you said you loved me_  
_But I know now your love was just a lie_

I watch as she dances to the music. I could literally feel what she was feeling inside from watching her dance. The lyrics have torn up my heart and I am leaning against the door my hand squeezing onto the door handle for dear life. I hear the singer sing the last part of the verse and my head automatically shakes back and forth because it wasn't a lie. My love for her was really and always will be. _Is that really what she think?_ I think to myself, _Does she really believe I don't love her. _My heart trembles inside of me and the tears crashing to the floor as I watch my wife break before me.

_And you say your sorry, oh your sorry, you want it back the way it was _  
_Well I'm sorry, but sometimes sorry just ain't good enough _

_Oh girl I don't know what it is that you're expecting _  
_Just because you look me in the eyes_  
_And say your sorry, oh your sorry, so sorry, and you want it back the way_  
_It was_  
_Well I'm sorry, but sometimes sorry just ain't good enough_

I can't believe I hadn't seen it sooner. Quinn was right. I am doing nothing but hurting her. I can literally feel her pain from what I have just watched. She is completely broken. And there is not a single thing I can do to make it better for her.

"Santana?" Her voice breaks through the haze in my mind and I quickly let go of the handle, my hand stiff from how hard I was holding it. "What are you doing here?"

She opens the door and motions for me to come in and I do, walking straight over to where the chairs are and sitting down quietly.

"San?" She says taking a seat opposite me.

I look up and I finally get a chance to get a real look at her and I can't believe what I have created in front of me. Her shoulders are slumped, her skin rough and her once bright blue eyes are down dull and grey. It's as if all the life has been sucked out of her and she is just a shell of the person she used to be. My heart once again aches knowing that I did this too her and god knows what will happen once I tell her about being pregnant.

"I.. I need to tell you something important Brittany.."

"What is it? You can tell me."

"I know.. I'm just scared." I whisper my eyes finding the floor.

I feel her fingers grasp my chin and pull me to look up at her..

"Never be scared to tell me anything Santana." She says with a genuine tone but that just makes me feel even more worse.

"I know," I cry out, "I know I shouldn't be scared but this is so bad Brittany and I don't want to lose you."

"Just, just tell me what it is and maybe it won't be as bad as you think."

I shake my head out of her grasp and shut my eyes tightly, my heart pounding in my chest.

"I went to the doctors today."

"What? what for? Is something wrong?" Brittany shouts and it causes my eyes to fly open and I see the worry in her eyes and it kills me.

"No, nothings wrong with me Britt. I.. I went to get an abortion."

Silence. That's all there is, pure silence as I watch her chest heave up and down and tears begin to form in her eyes.

"Britt.. please say something, anything.."

"I.. what?" Brittany says confused, shaking her head back and forth, "What do you mean abortion?"

"I found out that I was pregnant a few days ago."

"And you didn't think to tell me sooner?"

"I was but then I didn't know how you were going to react and I was so scared to start with. I was going out of my mind so I had made an appointment at the doctors to make sure I was and it turned out positive and I swear I was going to come here, well to Quinn's and tell you I was but then I say my Mom leaving the doctors and she took me home and we talked about it. I even told her how it happened and that we aren't together anymore but she helped me and that's why I went to the clinic today." I rush out quickly.

"Wait you told your Mom what happened?"

"I.. er yeah. I didn't really think that was the important part of what I just said but yeah I told her everything." I say confused.

"No. I mean yeah we still have to talk about what's just happened but I'm glad you told your Mom, I know you were having a hard time telling her about us splitting up."

"Yeah. I didn't think she would take it like that but I'm glad I have someone to fall back on."

Brittany looks at me funny and twists her face, "What do you mean someone to fall back on?"

"Well, you have to admit I'm not the most popular person right now with our friends Britt and you know they will go with you after we slipt for good." I say sadly.

It's true though. All of our friends adore Brittany and I mean who wouldn't. But I've got to be honest with myself and I know that when or if we get a divorce they will go with her, they will leave me without a second glance because I made the mistake so why should they help me.

"Santana you know that our friends will be there for you. We will both be going through this divorce."

"You and I know that, that isn't true Brittany. Quinn has already told me that I can't see you anymore."

"What? When did she say that?"

I look to the floor again, my stomach beginning to churn from the memory of going to that apartment. "Before I came here I went to Quinn's apartment because I thought you were there and she said something to me and now thinking back she is right. I am hurting you in ways that I would never have dreamt of and I hate myself for it. I hate knowing that you cry every night, and the worst one is that I hate knowing that every time you see me you break a little bit more. I can tell by your eyes just how sad you are and I never wanted to see your eyes like this, they are so beautiful when they are sparkling," I say reaching forward to cup her cheek, my thumb running along just under her eye. "I don't think I can ever truly tell you how sorry I am. I never meant for this to happy, honestly Brittany I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant and I didn't have a clue what to do. I honestly don't know what I would have done if I hadn't talked to my Mom she helped m-."

"Wh-Why did you get an abortion?" Brittany interrupts me her voice breaking.

I went to answer when her voice breaks through again, "It-it wasn't because of me was it?"

"No, no, Brittany," I shake my head quickly, my hands raising to her face to pull her closer, resting our foreheads together. "I'm not gonna lie, you did cross my mind but it was more in the way of that it wasn't our baby, I couldn't raise a baby without you but more importantly I wasn't ready myself. I am not ready for that kind of responsibility. And also I couldn't have that baby knowing it was made from a mistake. No one deserves to be brought into a life of questions."

"Oh.. this is so fucked up," I cringe at the words that leave her mouth they sound so foreign coming out from her. "How have things turned out like this. I never imagined I would end up having this conversation with you." The tears that Brittany had managed to keep at bay where now falling freely down her face.

"I know Britt, I know," I say quietly reaching forward to wipe away her fallen tears, "Things are really fucked up and I'm so sorry for putting you through all of this but I am going to make this right. I promise."

"H-how?" She croaks

I take a hold of her hands, "I'm going to do the right thing and stop hurting you and.." I say taking a deep breath, "I guess it just took me a while to figure out that I am doing more damage trying to save our marriage than by letting it go so.." I breathe out my heart squeezing painfully as I utter the next words.

"I'm going to sign for the divorce."

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry for the late update but to make up for it I'll post the next update either by tonight or tomorrow :)**

**please leave a review thanks!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: As promised :)**

* * *

This day will defiantly go down as the worst day of my life. I had met up with Quinn earlier on to go over the papers.

_"Hey, you got them?"_

_"Yeah," I said holding up the envelope._

_"Good. Did you fil it out properly?"_

_"Yes Quinn, I'm not an idiot." I spat out, "Plus I got myself my own lawyer, I'm not going in this alone."_

_"OK Sorry just making sure."_

_"Yeah well don't it's bad enough this is happening, I don't need you breathing down my neck as well."_

_"Yeah well it's your fault your signing them in the first place if you could have just kept it in your pants you would still have Brittany."_

_Her words cut right through me but I don't let it show, I can't, "Fuck you Fabray. Just take the fucking papers and fuck back off to your shitty law firm."_

_"Whatever Santana. I look forward to the day when this is finalised and Brittany can move on with her life." And with that Quinn gathers the documents and leaves the place making the heavy weight upon my shoulders twice as heavy._

She is such a bitch but at the same time she is right it is my fault and that is why I am doing this. It is for the best.

After I seen Quinn I made my way over to the coffee shop to calm my nervs a little. Coffee has always been good at calming me down but not even a coffee could do that when I bumped into Brittany at the shop and that's where I am now sitting with Brittany.

"So.." I trail off not really knowing what to say.

"How are you?"

"I'm.. OK."

"You can tell me if you aren't San theres no need to cover it."

"Yeah I know but it's easier to do that." I say honestly

"I know Santana, you have always made it easier for yourself. You have always wanted to protect your heart rather than the ones around you."

"What's that supposed to mean? I always put you before me always." I say hurt. How can she say that I protected her though everything.

"I'm not saying you didn't put me first Santana. I know you did but don't sit there and lie to me by saying you didn't put your heart first. I mean it took you 3 years to tell me how you felt because you were afraid of me breaking your heart but did you ever stop to think that my heart was breaking too? Or when you thought your heart was breaking when you left that night for the bar, did it ever occur to you that maybe I was hurting too?"

I sit there stunned. She's right I always but my heart first because I am scared I will be hurt. That has always been my biggest fear; The one I love breaking my heart. But it turns out me trying to protect my own heart has shattered it anyway. If I hadn't been so selfish with my feelings then maybe I would still be albe to call her mine.

"You know people don't give you enough credit. You are so good at reading people and knowing how they feel. Yes I was scared to tell you because I was such a bitch in high school that I was afraid you wouldn't want to be with someone who was so nasty and cruel so I protected myself. And no if I'm being honest I didn't even think about how you were feeling because that night everything I had always feared was coming true. It felt like you were leaving me behind to go off on al of these trips. I knew nothing about why you were going because you never told me why and I was so fucking scared everytime you left because I didn't know if you were gonna come back."

"Did I ever actually tell you the news I had for you?"

I shake my head. I don't really know if I want to find out what she was coming home to tell me that night. One part of me wants to know but the other part of me feels like it is just going to make the situation much worse and I can't handle knowing something that is going to make my action 10 times worse because I can barely handle the pain I have caused right now.

"I came home with the best news ever at work; or so I thought. I came home to tell you that I didn't have to leave for work ever again. We could spend the rest of our lives together no more travelling. But that didn't happen because I came home to that and you know the rest."

"Why are you telling me this now? Do you know how shitty I feel about what I did? I don't need you to fucking tell me the best news ever when I can't have them anymore. I can't spend the rest of my life with you knowing you don't have to leave. It is killing me everyday knowing that I made the biggest mistake of my life. Y'know I honestly thought we could have gotten over this. I thought that our love was strong enough to be put through anything and we'd still end up on top but I was wrong. Nothing can overcome something so unfaithful."

"I'm not telling you this to hurt you Santana, I was just being honest because you thought I was never going to come back. But then again I guess you were right because I'm not am I."

I look down and clench my jaw. I wish I could be anywhere but here right now. I just want to go to my studio and get started on my career because it is the only thing that will distract me from the beauty that is sitting in front of me.

"Yeah," I whisper, "You're not. I met up with Quinn before to hand over the signed documents," I say standing up. "So I guess I'll see you when we finalise the divorce and stuff to see who gets what."

"OK, I guess I will."

/

I finally reach the studio and make my way up to my office, ignoring everyone wanting something from me and going straight to the studio inside my office.

"Mike, with me now," I say to my music producer. "Wait in the studio I just have to make a call first."

I sit down at my desk and pick up my phone, dialling quickly.

"Hey, it's me. I found someone."

"Great. You've got yourself a partner."

* * *

**A/N: Since I kept you all waiting for chapter 13 and this one is kind of short, I am going to post the next one tomorrow and it will be a long one :) hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a review or message me on tumblr. Thanks**


	15. Chapter 15

"That sounds great Santana, I think that's enough for now." Mike says as I let out one final note.

I nod towards him and pick up the bottle of water next to me drinking half of it in one go. I've been breathing music and lyrics for the past 4 weeks now. Everything I can get my hands onto or whatever I write I am recording in the studio. I'm trying to get as many done so that I have a lot to choose from when the label helps me make my album. At least that is what I am trying to tell myself. Really I'm trying to fill the void that has taken residence inside of me. Anything that can distract me I am latching onto it.

It's been 4 weeks now and I still haven't heard back from Brittany, Quinn or even my own lawyer about the settlement. I have no idea when it's going to happen. All I know is that I'm not ready. I'll never be ready to go our separate ways. Never in a million years would I think I would be splitting our things, they were supposed to be ours to share with each other not to keep ourselves.

I look down at my watch and it shows four-twenty-five. _Shit_. I'm late for my meeting, I say to myself as I rush out of the booth and make my way through the building to where the meeting is being held.

I stumble while trying to get there fast and end up bursting through the door making a bigger entrance than I would have liked.

"Ah. Mrs Pierce so glad you could join us." David Lawrence I hear the sarcasm in his voice and it makes me want to punch that smirk off his mouth. Ever since I started my label David Lawrence has been up my ass for I don't know how long. He comes in here thinking he is king dick thinking he can order my people around just because he owns one of the biggest companies in the music business but I don't rate him. He's just a spoiled little brat who took over his Dads company when he passed away. I'm pretty sure David was happy he had passed away too because all he ever seems to talk bout is how glad he is that he took it over from his father so now he can move the company into a new rising. Truthfully I think he is talking a load of bullshit but since he is a huge investor to my label I have to put on my biggest and brightest smile and go along with him.

"I'm so sorry, I was just finishing up some work in my office that I lost track of time." I say with a faux apology which seems to be enough as my co-workers nod and let me sit down.

"Alright now that we're all here we can get started. First I'd like to say congrats to Santana on getting her own record deal but I'm not surprised really you are your own boss," He says with a laugh and everyone else joins in, including me because he is right, I only got it because I give it to myself. "Next I'd like to introduce Amelia," A tall, skinny brunette woman stand up making herself known, "She is from the new partners that have just signed with us and she is here to make sure everything runs accordingly." He looks towards me and I sit a little straighter in my chair. "Santana I'd like you to show Amelia around since she will be mostly working with you and getting your album finished correctly and on time."

I nod my head and turn to look at Amelia who has now sat down and looking through papers on the table. I'm not going to lie she is pretty. With her piercing green eyes and dark brunette hair tied up in a bun at the top of her head, strands of hair falling down to frame her face.

The meeting carries on for another 30 minutes before we all clear up and start our day. I walk out of the door and wait for Amelia who stayed back because Lawrence caught her attention and was saying something that I could only assume was cocky from the smirk on his face. Oh how I would love to smack it off and out him in his place.

While I wait for them to finish I get my phone out of my pocket to check my messages.

**Messages (5)**

I open the first one.

**(From Rach): OMG! Have you seen the new cover off billboard x**

I smile at this, I can imagine how happy Rachel is now that she has finally been noticed. She is one of my closest friends and she is also one of the best singers I have ever heard and I'm glad she had enough trust in me to sign with my label. Especially when she signed when I was virtually a know one in the business.

**(To Rach): Yeah I have congrats. Looks like the hard work paid off x**

I close the message off and click onto the next one who is from my mother.

**(From Mami): Hey sweetheart how are you?x**

**(To Mami): Hey, I'm OK Mami, just making some music, I'll call you later after work x**

After going to the clinic with my Mother she has been texting me everyday to see how I am. I keep telling her that I am fine now but she just doesn't listen. It's sweet really, least I know she'll always be there for me.

The third text was just from my phone service telling me about my bill so I quickly delete that and open the fourth one.

**(07528856484): Hey this is your lawyer Samantha, I have just a confirmation of the date of your settlement. Text me when is a good time to ring so I can go over the details with you. Oh and save my number we'll be in contact for a while from the looks of everything.**

I save the number as she said but I press call instead of messaging back because I was a little confused to her message.

"Hello, Samantha Tomas speaking."

"Hey, it's Santana, I just rang to say I got your message to I need t as you something real quick."

"Oh hi Santana, yes what is wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong I am just a little confused to why you said well will be in contact for a while, has something gone wrong, I got the idea that once the settlement was sorted that was it?"

"Yes, yes that's correct however there might be a little problem with getting the divorce finalised straight away that is the reason why we will have to stay in contact so I can give you updates about it and tell you when it is all done and dusted." Her chirpy voice rings through the phone making me cringe slightly.

"Oh alright, I guess that makes sense. I have to go now, I've got work to do. Just text me whenever you get an update."

"Sure, bye." And with that the line goes dead and I pull the phone back from my ear and click cancel which takes me back to my messages.

**Messages (1 unread)**

I go to open it but I feel someone stand beside me and I look up to see Amelia standing in front of me.

"Hey, you're Santana right?"

"Sure am. Nice to meet you Amelia. I'll give you a tour of the place then we can get a start on my album. Does that sound OK?" I ask slipping my phone back into my pocket giving myself a little reminder to check who that message is off later.

"Sure, lets go."

After an hour of showing Amelia around the whole building we end up outside of my office where I open the door for her to enter.

"And this is where you will be working for the next couple of months. I will clear some space for you to have a desk of your own but until then you can just use mine. I won't be needed it much since I'll be recording all day."

"OK, thanks. I plan to get your album done as fast as possible so I can get started on what and where you will be doing your promotion tour."

"Yeah me too, I have recorded a lot of songs so it's just the matter of picking the best ones. But I do have one more to record, that was why I was late to the meeting because I was trying to get it finished but I'll finish it now and then that'll give us the rest of the day to start looking for which one will be the single and then tomorrow we will look at the rest to put on the album."

"Alright it's a plan."

I make my way to the right of the office where a door is that leads to my personal studio. I used to just use this for when I wanted to calm down or if I felt like singing something. But now that I'm making an album it has come in very handy. Plus I don't want anyone else in the building to hear what I have planned.

"OK San, we'll do one more recording and then you should be done."

"Great, I can't wait to finish this song. I have to say I really didn't think I'd be able to do it." I say a little insecure while fixing the mic.

"Hey, this song is flawless San don't let anyone tell you any different. It's nice to have a meaningful song every once in a while. It keeps people's emotions real."

"Yeah your right. Thanks Mike lets do it."

"OK I'm going to start in on the chorus and you will sing it from there till the send. So I'll play it once so you get a feel of it then I'll play it again and that's when you come it OK."

"OK."

The music starts and I start to sway to the music. The songs I'm making aren't really ones you have on a debut album but I have a really good feeling about what I've written and I think my lyrics will connect with many people and make them closer to me and hopefully the song I am recording now will be my single and get the message across to everyone.

"OK San here it comes a second time."

I take a deep breath before starting to sing. Letting my passion for my music and also these lyrics take over me and let the music wash though me. I sing the song all the way to the end where I finish with breathily.

_...my girl._

But it held so much emotion.

"That sound amazing Santana. I can't wait for it to be released. And listen I know you're feeling uneasy about bringing this kind of single out but I have a feeling that this is what you're supposed to do not all these cheesy pop sounds that are out right now. You were made to sing these types of songs."

I smile at Mike before making my way out of the booth and into the studio where he had my voice on loop. I could always count on Mike to make me feel better about my music. He has had so much experience of listening and recording people's voices that I take his opinion more serious than anyone else.

"Thanks Mike, can I leave you here to finish up so I can go back and tell Amelia that this is the single?"

"Yeah sure I've got everything covered from here, go do your thing girl." I laugh at him before squeezing his should while passing back though to my office.

I walk in to find Amelia on the phone so I take a seat that is opposite my desk and pull my phone out to finally read that message I missed before.

**Messages (1 unread)**

I unlock my phone with a swipe of my thumb and open up the message.

**(From Britt): Hey, Santana sorry to bother you but could you ring me as soon as you read this. Thanks.**

I quickly stand up from my seat and Amelia looks up at me funnily but all I do is point to my phone before making my way towards the office toilets where I hope is empty; and to my luck they were.

I dial Brittany's number while leaning against the sinks. My heart is pounding for some strange reason. I have no reason to be worried but something tells me that I should be.

The phone rings and Brittany picks up on the 3rd ring and sniffle breaking through the phone.

"Brittany, Britt are you there?" I say concern laced in my voice.

"Y-yeah I'm here San." She hiccups.

"Hey, B what's wrong?"

"Oh my god, I don't know why I texted you, I shouldn't have I'm sorry just forget I did. I didn't mean for you to get involved I'm sorry."

"Wow wow, Brittany calm down, Brittany stop, It's fine you can tell me I'm worried about you."

The lines goes silent and I check to see if she is still there.

"Britt-"

"Can you come over?"

"Yeah sure, I'll be there in 10 minutes, Is Quinn there?"

"I'm not at Quinn's."

"Oh, where are you?"

"Yours"

"Why- Actually never mind, I'll see you in 5."

I shouldn't really be leaving work right now. I am to up to my neck in paper work and this album. But Brittany is much more important. I make my way back to my office where I see that Amelia is still talking on the phone, _God that woman can talk, _I think as I grab my coat and head to where Brittany is."

/

"Hey Britt," I say as I see her curled up against the door, _How long has she been here for, _I wonder as I crouch down beside her, "Hey B, you wanna come in and I'll make you some hot chocolate before we talk."_  
_

I don't get a verbal answer she just nods her head so I help her stand up and open the door.

"Make yourself comfortable while I make you your hot chocolate. The TV remote is somewhere on the sofa f you wanna watch something while I'm in the kitchen."

I quickly switch the kettle on, _Why has she come here, _I think as I move towards the cupboard where Brittany kept her hot chocolate. Brittany was the only one wo drank it and I never did throw it out. I also set another cup out and make myself a coffee before stirring both and walking back into the living room to find Brittany curled up on the sofa. My heart breaks to see her look so vulnerable.

"Hey Britt, heres your hot chocolate." I say passing her the steaming cup.

"Thanks," She whispers bringing the cup up to her lips and inhaling the delicious smell. That has always had an effect on her; hot chocolate.

"So.." I start quietly unsure of how to ask her, "What's happened?"

I watch as she sighs into the side of her cup before resting it on her knee, "I got a call from my Mom today."

"Oh, is everything alright?"

She shakes her head before bursting into tears. I shuffle closer to her and wrap my arm around her shoulder kissing her temple while placing both our cups on the coffee table so I can wrap both arms around her.

"I-its my Dad," She hiccups slightly. "He's in hospital,"

"Oh my god! Is he OK?" I ask worriedly my brow creasing as tears spring to my own eyes.

I have always had a soft spot for Michael Pierce. Ever since he helped me when my parents didn't he has been like a father figure to me and to hear that the once strong man was now lying in some hospital bed scared me to no end.

"I-I don't, my Mom tried to explain it on the phone but you know that I'm not good with big words and I was just so sad that he is actually in hospital that I couldn't really understand what was happening."

"It's OK Britt. Everything will be fine." I say gently to her, rubbing her back soothingly. "Have you been to visit him yet?"

"No, I just got the call 3 hours ago and I don't know why but I texted you straight away and then I came here but I forgot you were at work today but then you rang and..."

"Hey, shh.." I say, "It's OK. How about we go now? I mean it's only three so we can get there by dinner time and then you can stay with you Mom and I'll go stay at a motel or something?"

"Are you sure. I don't want to put you out or anything. I mean we aren't together anymore so.."

"I'm sure Brittany," I cut her off, "We may not be together anymore but I will always class you as my family. No matter what."

She just stares at you for the longest time before a quite "OK" escapes her lips.

/

After finishing the now lukewarm coffee/hot chocolate I packed an overnight bag and then headed to Quinn's to pack a bag for Brittany too. We started our journey to Brittany's parents 20 minutes later.

"Thanks for coming with me. I honestly didn't know why I came to you first. I haven't even told Quinn yet and I live with her." Brittany says breaking the silence.

I tighten my grip on the steering wheel and glance to where she is sitting look out of the window. I feel my heart lighten at the fact that Brittany can still confide in me.

"No problem Britt. You know I would do anything for you."

She smiles at me before looking back outside of the window.

/

Finally after two rest stops and we are finally at Brittany's parent's house. I pull up to the curb and switch of the engine.

"Hey why don't you go in and see your Mom and I'll wait her and get your things."

"OK."

I watch as Brittany shuts the car door and makes her way up to the front door. I wait until she is in the house until I unbuckle the seat belt and go round to the back of the car to get her things. I pick up her pink bag and place it on the footpath near the car before leaning my weight against it.

I wait out for about 15 minutes to give Brittany time with her Mom because one, this is a hard time for them both and second, I may or may not be a little afraid of what Susan will say to me but that's neither here nor there so shh.

I walk up to the front door before knocking tentatively.

"Oh hey Santana, I didn't know you were here." I hear the surprise tone in Mrs Pierce voice but I can't tell if it is a good or bad thing.

"Yeah, I drove Brittany here because she was too upset to drive here herself." I say

"Well thank you Santana. It'll be good for Brittany to be home right now." She says and I see her eyes turn hard and I can't blame her for it.

"Yeah. So.. How's Michael?" I ask with a genuine concern which seems to soften her eyes.

"He's doing alright now. Doctors said that he will be in for a while but for now everything is stable."

"Well that's a good sign." I say reassuringly, "Maybe if things stay like that he will be home in no time."

"Lets hope." She says before opening the door wider and I step into the house and follow the familiar hallway that leads to the living room where I find Brittany sitting on the sofa with an old picture.

I walk silently towards her and look over her shoulder to see a picture of her and her Dad when she was younger.

"Y'know everything is gonna be alright."

"Yeah, I know it just sucks that he's in hospital and there's nothing I can do for him." She says with a pout and my heart aches.

"Of course there is something you can do for him." I say and she turns her head to face me.

"Like what?"

"Be there for him. Go visit him, I'm sure you will make his day a whole lot brighter if he gets to see you. He knows how much you love him and you going there will be enough for him."

"Yeah you're right. I'm gonna go see him now." She says standing up and moving towards the door. Once shes at the door she turns around to me and says, "Aren't you coming." with a smile before carrying on walking to the car.

I follow after her and we drive to the hospital.

/

I parked the car as near to the entrance as possible because it's freaking cold outside here and Brittany forgot to bring a coat with her. However that didn't stop me from offering her mine. But like always she just declines me and says _'what about you silly'_ before hopping out of the car and making her way inside.

I find her standing at the reception talking to the nurse and her showing her a map which I assume is the directions to Michael's room so I just hang back and wait.

"He's in room 224 so we have to take the lift."

"OK, lets go." I say with her towards the lifts and going up to his room.

Once we get off the lift we walk down the grey coloured corridor and stop when we come in front of room 224.

"You OK?" I ask placing my hand gently on her arm.

"Yeah, I'm OK, just a little nervous to see him."

"Everything will be fine. I'll wait out here if you want while you see him?"

"No, I want you to come in." She says quietly staring at the door in front.

I don't say anything, I just push the door open and we both enter the room.

* * *

**A/N: I am so sorry this is late but I had a different chapter that I was going to post but then I changed my mind because I'm going to keep that chapter for later on in the story :) sorry for the late update. Hope you liked this chapter. Please leave a review thanks.**


	16. Chapter 16

As soon as we step into the room the atmosphere lightens considerably. Michael pierce has always had that effect in a room. Even when he's the one in pain. I remember when I was first kicked out and I was in such a state. I had come to Brittany's crying my eyes out and bless her she did everything to calm me down, but it was Michael Pierce's words that did it, I'll never forget the words that he whispered in my ear as he hugged me tightly, '_You deserved to be loved unconditionally Santana and if it can't come from your real Dad then it'll come from me because you are important Santana, always remember that.' _I had never heard such words come from someone I look up to and from then on my relationship with Michael has been as strong as ever. I only hope that this bond between us hasn't been broken.

I had let Brittany walk in first and I chose to hang back a little so that I could still hear what they were saying but also to give them a little time together.

"Hey Daddy," Brittany says quietly, her hand wraps around her fathers ad squeezes gently.

"Hey baby girl, how are you?"

You hear Brittany laugh for the first time in what seemed like forever. "Really Daddy, you're here in hospital and your asking how I am."

He smiles up at her, his eyes shining brightly. That's probably the only thing that Brittany inherited off her Dad; his crystal blue eyes. Everything else is Brittany's mother from her slim body right down to the freckles dusted across her cheeks and nose.

"Of course I'm asking you Britty, you're my baby girl, I always want to make sure you're happy because as long as you're happy, me being in this bed doesn't affect me one bit because I'll be happy too." He replies with so much ease I honestly don't know how he does it. He has such a way with words that can make you forget about every little bad things that has gone wrong.

"Oh Daddy, I'm OK I promise, I just want you to get better." Brittany says with tears in her eyes but I watch as she blinks hard and tries to keep them from falling.

"I'm fine Britt, I'll be up and ready to go in a few days, I'm just a little tired that's all. No need to worry OK?"

"OK Daddy," Brittany whispers softly before once again squeezing his hand gently.

I almost forgot that I was standing in the same room as them so when Michael calls my name I jump a little, my heart rate increasing as his blue eyes connect with mine.

"Hello Santana." He says loudly from across the room.

"Hey Mr P." I say quietly, my left hand coming up to scratch the back of my neck. A nervous habit I got into when I was a kid.

"Whatcha doing standing over there come here." His voice is soft and it lifts some one the weight that is pressing down hard on my shoulders.

I walk towards them both and stand at the bottom of the bed, my hands come to rest on the bed frame as identical blue eyes stare at me.

"And how have you been?" Michael asks and I swallow thickly before replying.

"I've been good. I'm finally starting my singing career so that'll be good."

"Ah, I'm glad you are finally pursuing your dreams. And what has you father said about all of this?" He asks with a concern look in his eyes and I can't help but think it is wrong. He should not be looking at me or feeling concerned about me after what I have done. My brow creases in confusion. "Santana are you alright?" Brittany's voice snaps me out of my thinking and I look up to where Michael is laying and try to ignore the look in his eyes.

"It didn't go well. I tried to tell him it was for my labels sake but he was having none of it. I guess I expected it. But that doesn't mean it didn't hurt any less." I say sadly, my hand once again finding its way to the back of my neck.

"I'm sorry about how you Father treats you San. But just remember what I told you, I'll always be there for you."

OK now I am officially lost. Why is he saying this to me? Why is he being so nice to me.. Has she? Has she not told him about us? But her Mom knows about it so she must off. Unless her Mom didn't tell him. Which leads to my next question.

Just how long has Michael Pierce been in hospital for?

/

After talking for 10 more minutes the night nurse comes in and tells us that visiting hours are over and we both leave after saying our goodbyes and head back to Brittany's parents house.

"Hey, I'm going to go see my Dad again tomorrow do you want to come again?" Brittany asks as I pull up next to the house.

"No I'm alright Britt. I've got to do something tomorrow." I say and I swear I saw disappointment in her eyes so I quickly add, "But I'll pick you up after and you can tell me how he's doing."

"OK," She says back and turns to exit the car.

"Just give me a ring when you want picked up OK?," I say leaning over the centre console so I can look at her through the window.

"Yeah."

I watch her get in the house before driving down the street and finding a hotel.

/

After I check into my room and brought my stuff up I stripped off all my clothes and took a much needed shower. The hot water trails down my body relaxing my tense muscles. I am still confused about what happened there at the hospital. How could she not have told him? It is after all important information to know that your daughter is no longer going to be married._  
_

I shut off the water and step out into the cold room grabbing a white fluffy towel and heading back into the warm hotel room. I sit down on the bed and rub the ache away from my temples.

I need to figure all of this out before we leave. I can't go back and see him without him finally knowing the truth. Even if it is me who has to tell him.

/

In the morning I leave the hotel room at 12 knowing that Brittany will be at the hospital by now and make my way over to Brittany's house. I pull up onto the drive and make my way up to the door and knock three times. The door swings open and Mrs Pierce stands there with an apron on and tea towel thrown across her shoulder. _some things never change_, I think.

"Santana, what are you doing here today? I thought you'd be at the hospital with Brittany."

"Yeah, I need to talk to you about something first before I go pick her up if that's OK?"

"Yeah, sure come in," She says opening the door wider for me to walk in. "Just come into the kitchen when you're done, I'm making some cookies." She adds on as I take off my shoes and walk over to the closet to hang my coat up.

I walk into the kitchen and take a seat at the island in the middle of the room. Mrs Pierce has her back turned to me and it gives me sometime to set my nerves. OK Santana just ease into it, don't rush anything if you want the truth.

"Why doesn't Michael know about me and Brittany?" I blurt out. _Nice going Santana._

"What?" Susan turns around with a shocked face.

"I when I went to visit Michael in hospital yesterday he was awfully nice to someone who cheated on his baby girl." I say my hands shaking slightly so I drop them down into my lap and thread my fingers together.

"I.. I don't know what you're talking about Santana and I don't appreciate you coming in here and saying those things. I have let you back into my house because you have brought Brittany here for her Father," She comes up towards me and points her finger in my face and her voice drops into a whisper but drips with venom, "But don't you think for a second that if things were different around here I wouldn't be the first to kick you out of her and out of our lives for good because I would. Do you understand me?"

My anger gets the better of me and I will probably regret it later but something just snaps inside of me, "Bullshit."

"What?"

"Bullshit. You know exactly what I am talking about. That man in that hospital bed has no idea about me and Brittany splitting up. So don't you dare sit there and lie to my face. I have known and been around this family long enough to know when something isn't right." I shout getting up from the chair so I am a full height. I calm down a little before continuing, "I'm not here to pick a fight Susan. I just want to know what is happening with my Dad." I say in a whisper, tears filling my eyes and I squeeze them shut trying to keep with at bay.

"Santana.." Susan blows out sadly.

"Please just tell me. I know I have messed up big time and I understand you hate me now but that man has been a big part of my life and he is a father figure to me now and I can't bare not to know if something is seriously wrong." I plead my hand reaching over to grab a hold of Susan's.

"I.. I can't." She says, her eyes filling with tears themselves.

"Please."

"I.. I just couldn't tell him. He is so fragile right now that I couldn't even imagine what would happen if I broke his heart. He loves you so much and if I told him what has happened he will never forgive you Santana and the relationship you have with him is so special. I just- I didn't know how." Susan cries out and I move round the table quickly and bring her into a hug.

"Why is everyone trying to save me from being hurt? First Brittany with my parents and now you. I appreciate you doing it but he deserves to know the truth. And if you can't tell him yourself then I will." I say pulling back and looking into her eyes, "It is my mess after all."

"Santana you have to know that things will change if you tell him, forever." She tells me truthfully and I just send her a sad smile.

"I know. But it's the right things to do." I move back and go to leave the house before turning around to ask one more question that has been bugging me. "Can you be honest with me though Susan?"

"What is it?"

"What really is wrong with Michael?"

The tears that Mrs Pierce was holding fall down her cheeks and my heart aches when I hear her let out a small whimper.

"He's dying."

* * *

**A/N: sorry for the late update again :/**

**but I'm working on the next chapter right now so it'll be up by tonight :)**

**please leave a review of what you think and I'm sorry for all of the angst but just stick with me because things will eventually get better I promise :)**


	17. Chapter 17

I drive towards the hospital in a daze. I never in a million years thought it would have been that he would be dying. I guess even the strongest of men can't fight off cancer.

I park up at the hospital and walk slowly towards the entrance. Do I tell him? I have to right? He may be dying but he deserves to know the truth no matter what. I don't bother going up to the main desk as I remember from the last time what room he is in so I make my way up to his room. I press my forehead against the door. _Now or never_

I open the door and the first thing I see is Brittany curled up in the chair beside the bed asleep and a small smile graces my lips. She looks so cute sitting there.

"Hey San, Brittany didn't say you were stopping by?" I jump at Michael's voice.

"Yeah, I just had to stop by somewhere and I was going to pick Britt up but I decided I'd come see you." I say and my voice quivers slightly but I hope he didn't notice.

"Oh OK. Is everything alright there Santana?" He asks. _Of course he would how as I kidding._

"I.. I know." I say and look up into his eyes and he knows exactly what I mean by it.

"Hey Britt, baby girl wake up," He says lifting his hand and shaking the sleeping girls form.

"Mm, wh- what's up Daddy?" Brittany says with a tiredness laced within her voice. She must feel my presence in the room because her eyes shift over to me with confusion. "Hey San, I thought you weren't coming until I called?"

"Yeah, I was but I finished what I had to do earlier than I tought so I thought I'd come see your Dad and you."

"Oh, OK." She says standing up, "Well I'll be right back gotta go to toilet. You need anything while I'm away?"

"A coffee if you wouldn't mind please."

"No problem, I'll be right back," And she leaves the room leaving us in silence.

I walk over towards the now vacant chair and sit down facing Michael.

"When are you going to tell her?" Is all I ask. We both know what I am referring too.

"I don't know. I can't tell my baby girl that. She looks up to me too much." I can hear the hurt in his voice and it pulls at my heart to hear such a strong man feel so small and broken.

"I know that Mr. P but she deserves to know."

"Yeah, and when were you going to tell me that you cheated on my baby girl Santana. Or did you feel that I didn't deserve to know that either?" He blind sides me with what he says and I am left there shocked. My eyes open wide just like my mouth. I would have found it amusing how much I looked like a cartoon character if this wasn't such a serious topic being discussed.

"I.. I was going to tell you Michael I swear. In fact before I even came here I was to believe that you knew about it. I had no idea that Susan didn't tell you. How did you find out anyway? I was just here to tell you myself." I say with an honest tone.

"Brittany told me. She was confused as to why I had not mentioned anything about the subject and I got confused and asked her what she was taking about and then she told me. I didn't want to believe her Santana. I love you like you're one of my own."

"I know," I say tears coming to my eyes_. That seems like all I ever do lately; cry,_ I think to myself as I watch the tears fall onto my lap. "I never meant to hurt her Michael. You have to believe me when I say I love your daughter more than anyone in the world. I messed up, no I fucked up big time and I'm now facing the consequences of it. We will be divorced soon so you won't have to worry about me being around your family anymore either. I won't be a burden somewhere I'm not wanted. I love Brittany so much but I won't stay if she doesn't love me anymore, she deserves a happy life and not someone hanging onto her."

"Come here Santana." Michael calls me over and I get up out of the chair while wiping away my tears, "I am very disappointed in you, I never would have thought you would do such a thing," My tears start to fall again and I hold onto the bed his words hitting me hard, "However that doesn't mean I will stop loving you as my daughter." I look up stunned at what he says and wipe my nose.

"What?"

"You are a part of this family too Santana and I have loved you like you're my own daughter for many years. And I will not stop now. What you did was unforgivable but I wont ever, ever stop loving you as one of my own do you hear me?"

I nod but I'm still kind of in a daze about what is going on right now.

"I know you know I'm dying Santana, and I don't want my last feelings towards you to be in hatred because that isn't how I feel about you truly. I may hate what you have done to my baby girl, but I know the real Santana," He points to my heart, "I know the love you have for all of us especially Brittany inside of there, and I will take that feeling with me. The feeling of knowing you love us and I love you."

"I don't know what to say, you have been like a father to me for so long. I honestly thought you were going to hate me and tell me to never come back. But this.. I just." I am literally at a loss for word right now. I never thought he would say this too me.

"I know that San, and that is why I will always stand by what I said to you those years back, I will Love you unconditionally Santana. Always."

"Thank you Michael. You don't know how much it means to hear you say that." I lean forward and hug him tightly.

"There is one things I want you to do for me though Santana before I go." He says into my ear.

"Anything."

"Fix what has happened between you and Brittany I know it will be hard but even if you come out of this as friends at least you will have each other in your lives because I can't see a life for Brittany without you in it and I don't want to go knowing there is a rift between the too of you."

I pull back from the hug and look straight into his eyes, "I promise."

We smile at each other before I remember what we were talking about earlier on. "Hey, what about what we almost talked about before, are you going to tell her?"

"I.. I can't." I look into his blue eyes that are tinged with sadness and my heart breaks at the sight.

"I know this isn't my place to say but I stand by what I said before." I hold onto his hand that is lying on the bed beside me. "Brittany deserves to know the truth."

We were both too caught up in our conversation that we didn't hear Brittany enter the room until we hear her voice break through the silence.

"Tell me what?"

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter but this is all I felt was needed for it.**

** Please leave a review of what you think and sorry for always leaving you with a cliffhanger haha :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Halfway in this chapter I switch to Brittany's POV. It'll make sense when you get to it. Just a warning this chapter is quite emotional.**

**I recommend listening to this on youtube when it gets to Brittany's POV because this is what I listened to when writing it. /watch?v=9VaTDvBo_zI**

* * *

"Brittany," I say stepping away from the bed and moving towards her to take my coffee she had holding out for me. She looks at me wearily before her eyes glance back at her Dad and I take a step backwards so she can go next to his bed.

"Daddy?" She say confusion laced within her voice, "What do you need to tell me?"

"Nothing Baby girl, we weren't talking about you," Michael tries to sound genuine as his hand finds hers and squeezes gently. Her eyes sort mind out again and I look away quickly. I can't lie to her. She knows I can't. But me looking away just gives her all she needs to know before looking back at her Dad.

"Please don't treat me like I'm a little kid Daddy, I'm not stupid, I know when people are lying to me, especially family."

I cringe slightly, my hand gripping the styrofoam cup harder when I hear the word 'stupid' pass her lips. I felt the words on the tip of my tongue to tell her she's not but I swallow them down with my coffee and allow them to talk.

"Please Brittany, just let it go." He almost sounds desperate as he stares into her eyes.

"No Daddy! I deserve to know if it is important."

"It's not important Britt, just let it be OK?" He says with a tone that is final and her head drops to her chest and her shoulders sink low. She nods her head and walks out of the room saying she'll be back in a minute and my heart breaks to see her like this. So defenceless.

"Yes it is Michael, it is damn well important," I say finally finding my voice once the door closes. How can he say it is not important that he is dying? Is it really that bad for him to tell his own daughter that he is putting his own death aside as if it is nothing.

"Santana." He looks at me with a stern look and I shrink a little but I come up to stand beside his bed and look him directly in his eyes.

"You know it is very important Michael and she deserves to know what is going on with you. No matter how hard it may be to tell her she deserves to know. How did you feel when you found out that Susan had kept what I did a secret. Yes it is on different terms but you still felt betrayed. You still felt out of the loop because no one told you such important information about your daughters life. Now how do you think Brittany is going to feel when she find out by someone else that her Daddy's life is hanging in the balance? How betrayed do you think she will feel then?" I say sternly and shake my head at him with a look of disappointment.

He looks down ashamed and plays with the bed sheets around him, "You're right. She deserves to know the truth. I guess I am just afraid she will look at me differently. She wont think I am the strong man who can protect her, she'll think I'm weak and look at me like I'm going to break. It's bad enough Susan looking t me like that but not my baby girl." Tears start to fall down his cheeks and I grab onto his hand making him look up at me.

"You know that Brittany will _never _look at you any differently. You are her hero Michael, you are the man she will always look up to no matter how your health is. She looks at the good in people. She looks at what is inside your heart not at your body. Nothing will change that. Not even dying will make you look weak to her. She adores you so much Michael, just give her a chance to prove you wrong."

I don't wait for him to speak as I walk out of the room to look for Brittany. I find her sitting down on the railing outside the hospital wiping her eyes. I come to stand by her and lean against the railing looking off in front of me waiting for her to speak first.

"I know he's lying to me San, I know something bad has happened," She says quietly.

I look at her before ducking down and going between the railing until I am on the other side and stand in front of her. I open her legs and stand between them, my hand coming to rest on her wet cheek wiping away the fallen tears.

"He's just scared B. But He's ready to talk to you know. He just needed some courage that's all."

She looks down into my eyes before reaching down pulling me into a hug, "Thank you for talking to him San. I know you didn't have to."

I pull back but keep the distance close between us, "I did B, he is my family too and he just needed some support before telling you."

She jumps down from the railing and I grab onto her hand before she goes, "I love you B and no matter what happens I'll always be here for you." I don't wait for her to answer as I let go of her hand and walk towards my car. I figured I would wait there to give them their privacy.

* * *

**Brittany's POV:**

I make my way to my Daddy's room, my hands shaking slightly. I open the door to find him staring off into space intently. I walk up towards his bed and touch his hand gently.

"Hi Daddy."

"Hey B," He pats the bed next to him and I climb in and hug into him just like I did when I was a kid, my head resting on his chest. I listen to his steady heart beat as my head moves with his breathing.

"You don't have to be scared Daddy, I'll be OK." I say reassuringly, my hand finding his.

"I know that now Baby girl, I just had to have some sense knocked into me," He laughs and I smile.

"Yeah, Santana has that effect on people." I joke making his chests move faster with laughing. A calm wave settles over us and all that can be heard is the sound of the heart monitor echoing around the room.

"I'm dying B." His voice comes out as a whisper but I hear it anyway and my heart clenches, tears falling down my face. I knew it was this. I just didn't want it to be confirmed. I had an idea it was this when he wouldn't tell me before but hearing it out loud just makes it that much worse.

"Please say something Britt."

I lift my head of his chest and look into his eyes, I can see the fear in them and it breaks my heart even more. "How long?" I ask my fingers gripping his hand harder.

"Not long baby girl. The treatment was working but then I relapsed and I'm too far along to be helped now." Tears are now falling down both our eyes and I reach forward to wipe away his.

"I'm proud of you Daddy. I know it was hard for you to tell me but-."

"I just didn't want you to look at me differently Britt." He cuts me off and his voice holds so much pain it makes my whole body ache.

"Daddy I would never look at you any differently. You are still the strongest man I've ever known and I will always look up to you. You're the only man in my life and you always will be. You will always be in my heart, no matter where you are," I bring our joining hands to my chest above my heart. "You are inside here forever Daddy never forget that."

"I wont baby, you will always be my little girl no matter how old you get. You will be in my heart forever too B."

I smile down at him before hugging him tightly, I rest my head under his chin and take a deep breath. "How long?"

"Not long" I feel him hug me tighter and my heart aches. I have only have a sort amount of time left with my Daddy here on earth before he goes forever. No coming back. I start to cry and he pulls me closer to him and I curl up into him.

"I'm scared Daddy." I whimper out my voice breaks as a sob comes out. I thought I could handle it but I can't. I don't want him to go. I need him more than ever right now. I can't lose him. Not now.

"Hey do you remember when you first started school and you were so scared you refused to let go of my hand?" I nod against his chest and he continues his story, "You made me stay with you for a whole week, you made sure I never left your side. I had to cancel work that whole week because you refused to let go of my hand the entire time. Even when it was nap time you would sleep holding your little hand around my little finger." He laughs at the memory and I smile at the memory of him sitting with me while I coloured in. "But then the next week when we went in something changed. We went in as normal and you pulled me into the class and you sat down with me at your little table but then the door opened and a little girl came walking into the room and smiled brightly at you before walking over to you and introducing herself to you. I found it so amusing to see a little girl introduce herself so maturely and even sticking out her little hand to shake yours. But do you know what you said next?" I shake my head not remembering what I said to him, "You looked up at me and whispered in my ear. 'You can go now Daddy, I'm not scared anymore.'" I lift my head and stare into his eyes. "Do you remember who that little girl was who stopped you from being scared?"

"San," I whisper.

"And that," He says cupping my cheek and I lean into his touch. "Is why I am not afraid of leaving you anymore. Because I know you will be taken care of B. I was scared too when I first left you alone at school but you came running up to me when the day ended and talked all night about how nice Santana was too you and how she even defended you when the bullies were being nasty. I knew then that she will protect you for the rest of your life and I have no qualms about knowing you will be safe when I'm gone because you will have Santana by your side through it all."

I stare into his eyes for the longest time before he whispers too me again, "Everyday I watched you grow up and everyday I became prouder and prouder of who you turned out to be. There is no greater feeling than knowing you raised your baby girl up right and that she has a heart of pure gold. You make me so proud to be your father B. You are the living proof that I did my job right. But you're also the proof of that I have done all I can as a father. I have raised you up and now it is time for me to let you go and for you to start living your life without me by your side.

"I'm really going to miss you Daddy," I choke out burying my face once again into his chest.

"I'm going to miss you too Britt, but just remember that I'll always be here," He points to my heart and I squeeze my eyes shut listening to his own heart beating. "Whenever you feel lonely or your missing me just think about all our good memories and I promise you, you will feel me in your heart. I'll never leave you B." He kisses the top of my head lightly and I continue to cry against his chest while trying to memorise the sound of his heart beat one last time.

* * *

**Santana's POV:**

Turns out not long turned into just a week. Brittany decided to stay at home for the week and I said I would stay since work wasn't a necessary since I've done my album. I had just picked up Brittany and was dropping her off home when Susan got the phone call. I don't think I'll ever get the picture of them both breaking down in front of me. I had never felt so helpless. Nothing seemed real. We were just with him 10 minutes ago and now he's gone. Everything just seems so surreal.

A strangled cry breaks me out of the fog that surrounded my head and I reach forward to bring Brittany into my strong and comforting embrace. She falls into me one hand clutching the back of my shirt while the other lies on my chest neck to my neck.

"Shh, it's OK, everything's going to be OK," I whisper in her ear stroking her back soothingly although I'm not to sure who I am trying to comfort Brittany right now or myself because I'm trying to stay strong for Brittany but I can feel my insides breaking with every sob I hear.

I lead Brittany into the living room and pull her down with me onto the sofa where I wrap my arms around her better and she buries her head into my shoulder. I look across the room to see Susan standing at the arch way from the living room and front entrance her hand holding her chest and tears streaming down her face as she looks across the room at the big family portrait where Michel looks down on us smiling. The life in her eyes seemed to drain out of them the more she fixed her eyes upon the picture. She has just lost the love of her life. She's watched him slip away for months. I don't think there is anything worse than having to watch your soul mate slip away and there is not a thing you can do about it. How she must be feeling I don't know and honestly I don't ever want to.

I look back down to where Brittany is and kiss the top of her head before whispering quietly that her mother needs her and she pulls her head out from under my chin and looks towards her Mom before getting up of the sofa and gathering up the broken woman in her arms.

I take this chance to go out in the back and get some air. My head is spinning so fast right now and I can't think straight. I open the sliding door and make my way to the pound that funnily enough I built with the help of Michael of course. This was one of the things we bonded over. The 1967 chevy in the garage being the first. I had told Michael I was quite D.I.Y and we connected over it. It took us 3 months to build this whole thing. We even built the display that surrounds it. These are the memories that I will keep with me of him. There are so many good memories that shouldn't go to waste. He wouldn't want us to mourn his death; it's just not who he is. He'll want us to celebrate his life even if it is going to be hard.

The sound of the door breaks me from my thinking and I feel them sit down next to me.

"He loved this pound did you know that?" I was surprised to hear the voice of Susan instead of Brittany.

"Every time he came out back here he would have this look in his eyes. A sense of pride but it wasn't for him. He loved you a lot Santana. And I know things haven't been going great but I want to apologise for not telling him about you and Brittany. I was being selfish and I was just scared that it might push him over the edge. I had no idea how fragile he was. But then another part of me," She says turning her head to face me but I keep my head low looking at the fish in the water, "Another part of me didn't want to believe what Brittany said. I just wanted to believe that I miss heard her and I had made it up in my head."

I feel my eyes burn and I blink quickly to keep my tears at bay.

"But I didn't come out here to tell you all of this for no reason. I also came out here because Santana you have to let it go," I look up quickly at her and my brow creases in confusion. She wants me to let go of what? Brittany?

"If you truly want Brittany back then you have to let go of what you did. You can't keep beating yourself up about it. Yes you cheated," The tears fall down my cheeks and I turn away to hide them. I feel her grab a hold of my hand that was lying between us. "But you're also human Santana." My eyes flutter back and catch hers. "People make mistakes Santana, no matter how big or small people make them and it is the mistakes that we make that we grow stronger from and learn from. Yes it is going to take a while for it to get better but until you let go and stop hanging onto it like a burden it wont start to get better and then I'm afraid you're going to loose her. She won't come back to you if you are still in the past San. Show her that you have let it go and are ready to move past this and learn from it." She doesn't say anything else but squeeze my hand before getting up leaving me alone once again with an ache in my heart and mind spinning.

* * *

It's been 4 days since Michael passing and everything for the funeral has been set up. Tuesday is the funeral which gives up two days to prepare emotionally for it.

Brittany has been really quite during this whole process. In fact she hasn't came out of her bedroom since Saturday. I was still staying at the hotel but I made sure to wake up early so I was there when she awoke. I would bring her breakfast and stay until she ate it before kissing her forehead gently and heading back down to where Susan would be sitting in the living room staring at the portrait photo. It's quite sad really but also kind of calm to know that even though he isn't here with us his presences is; you can feel it in the room as he smile down.

"How are you Susan?" I ask after washing Brittany's dishes and taking a seat opposite her on the sofa with a cup of coffee.

"I've been better, but I'm coping," Her eyes flicker down from the picture, "How's Brittany?"

I sigh before taking a sip of my coffee, "The same really, I've tried to get her to come out of her bedroom for some fresh air but she's not ready yet. I honestly don't think she's going to come out until the funeral. I'm worried about her."

"Thank you for doing this Santana. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here to take care of her. I'm just all over the place at the momment and-"

"Hey" I say cutting her off, "You're allowed to feel like this Susan. You've just lost the most important person in your life. You're allowed some time to yourself and I will be here for Britt until you are ready." I say genuinely.

Susan just smiles gratefully at me before I head up back upstairs and sit by the window in Brittany's room watching the clouds pass by.

"Y'know you don't have to do all of this." Her voice makes me jump and I look over to where she is lying down on the bed facing the ceiling.

"I know B, but I want to ." I say with a smile and for the first time since 4 days ago I finally see her mouth curve upwards into a small smile and my chest expands with a sudden happiness as butterflies erupt in my belly.

"Thank you for staying with me and my Mom San, I really appreciate it."

"That's what I'm here for," I say getting up from the window ledge and sitting down next to her hip on the bed my hand coming to rest on her thigh. "How are you today?"

"I.. Honestly I feel numb." She turns to face me and I squeeze her thigh for her to carry on. "It just feels like none of this is real and when I get up from this bed he will be sitting in that arm chair downstairs with his paper in hand."

I smile down sadly before reaching to take hold of her hand.

"I know it's going to be hard B, but I can promise you that things will get easier."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I have lost someone who was closed to me Britt remember My Grandma and sure I guess it's not as bad as loosing a father but I looked up to her so much and when she passed away I felt so numb too but with my family and you things got better and I promise you that I will be here until you feel alright again B because you deserve to be happy." I cup her cheek and stroke just under her eye, "It kills me to see you upset B."

She leans into my touch and closes her eyes letting out a small hum. "Thank you San, I'm really glad you came with me." My heart flutters in my chest at her words and I reply without missing a beat.

"Where else would I be?"

* * *

It's Tuesday which also means the day of the funeral. I have been silently cursing this day only for the fact that it's going to be hell watching Brittany break down again. I just have to be strong for the both of us and help her get through today as easy and as comfortable as possible.

I just finished doing my hair, I forgone putting any make-up on for today before checking myself one last time in the mirror. I decided to wear my black dress that stops just above my knees and tights with heels and a dark purple shawl.

I pick up my keys off the table near the door and head towards the Pierce residence. Once I got parked I made my way up to the front door and open it to see the house full of old friends and relatives. I say my hellos before carrying on through the house and up to Brittany's bedroom. I knock on the wooden door before opening to reveal Brittany in a black dress that stops just below her knees and black flats on her feet hair swept over to the side in loose curls exposing her neck.

"Hey B," I say quietly shutting the door behind me before stepping into the middle of the room and leaning against her bed post. "How are you?"

My eyes catch watery blue ones in the mirror and I step forward to bring her into a hug. We stand there for several minutes, me rubbing her back and whispering comforting words in her ear until she stands up straight- me being in heels and her having flats on makes her eyes level with mine- and whispers a quite "Thanks."

"Come on," I say reaching for her hand and leading her back into the bathroom where I sit her down on the side of the bath and pick up the make-up wipes from the cupboard. "Can I?" I ask holding out the wipe near her face. She nods and I begin to wipe her face clear of her tears and also the rest of her make-up. There's no point really having it on for it to come right back off again.

Once I finished cleaning her face I disposed of the wipes in the bin near the toilet before grabbing her hand again and leading her out. "Let's go say goodbye." I whisper one last time in her ear as we near the front door.

/

I have never seen so many people in one place in my entire life. Then again I'm not surprised Michael Pierce was a lovely and respected by many people. I'm pretty sure nearly the whole town as turned up here.

We make our ways into the church and sit in out seats before the Pastor comes out and starts to talk about Michael and his family and how he died to young but to never for get him and to honour his memory with pride.

People from different times of his life start to get up and say a few words. Friends, even just acquaintances get up to say a few kind words. I am the last one to get up and speak as Susan and Brittany said that they didn't have the strength to stand and talk in front of everyone so I opted to speak instead to which I am very honoured to do so. I also had something else planned that I didn't tell Brittany or even Susan.

"Hello everyone " I say once I am standing in front of everyone. "I'd first just like to say thank you on behalf of Susan Brittany and myself for everyone coming today, we are very grateful for that so thank you." I smile at them all before my eyes glance towards the coffin and my smile turns sad. "There are a lot of things I could say about Michael Pierce, many of you have already said most of them. But one thing that no one mentioned was the faith he had in people. No matter what you had done in the past or even who you were Michael treated you all the same. No one felt different when around him. He was the light in everyone life, he brought so much joy to us all. The one thing I will be forever grateful for though is the believe and love he gave to me. I am not blood related to Mr Pierce but for everyday I was with him he treated me like his own. He saved me in a time when my life was going terribly wrong and he was there to catch me. He made a promise to me years ago that he will love me unconditionally until the day he dies but even though he is gone now I still feel his love." I place my hand on my heart, "Everyone who has ever been loved by him knows what I am talking about because he is in our hearts. Always." I feel my eyes burn and I don't even try to keep my tears back. I look towards Brittany and Susan to see them crying to and I send them a small smile before speaking again. "I would like to dedicate something to Michael in honour of Brittany she doesn't know I am singing this for her but he was like a father to me too so I wanted to sing this. I hope you will all remember him in all the good times so that he will forever stay with us." I take a step back and walk towards the piano and sit down. I look back towards Brittany quickly one more time and I see her eyes widen in surprise. I smile before starting to play the opening to the song.

_Back when I was a child_  
_Before life removed all the innocence_  
_My father would lift me high_  
_And dance with my mother and me _  
_And then_  
_Spin me around 'till I fell asleep_  
_Then up the stairs he would carry me _  
_And I knew for sure _  
_I was loved_

_If I could get another chance_  
_Another walk_  
_Another dance with him_  
_I'd play a song that would never ever end_  
_How I'd love love love _  
_To dance with my father again_

I open my eyes and look towards Brittany and Susan as I sing the next part.

_When I and my mother _  
_Would disagree_  
_To get my way I would run _  
_From her to him_  
_He'd make me laugh just to comfort me_  
_yeah yeah_  
_Then finally make me do _  
_Just what my mama said_  
_Later that night when I was asleep_  
_He left a dollar under my sheet_  
_Never dreamed that he _  
_Would be gone from me_

_If I could steal one final glance_  
_When final step _  
_One final dance with him_  
_I'd play a song that would never ever end_  
_Cause I'd love love love to _  
_Dance with my father again_

_Sometimes I'd listen outside her door_  
_And I'd hear how mama would cry for him_  
_I'd pray for her even more than me_  
_I'd pray for her even more than me_

My voice cracks as I belt out the words my tears rushing down my face.

_I know I'm praying for much to much_  
_But could you send her _  
_The only man she loved_  
_I know you don't do it usually_  
_But Dear Lord_  
_She's dying to dance with my father again_

_Every night I fall asleep_  
_And this is all I ever dream_

I finish the song and the room erupts with clapping. I was a little scared to sing this song at first but as I look up and see not even a single dry eye in the room and when I look towards Brittany and see the small smile on her face I know I did the right thing.

The rest of the service went by faster than before and once we said our final goodbyes to Michael and watched him get lowered into the ground we all left for the bar in town to have a few drinks in his memory.

* * *

"Come one B, I think you've drank a little too much."

"I'm f-fine Saan. I can waalk stwaight mysellf." She says with a slur and tires to prove her point by walking ahead of me into the house but fails. I catch her before she hits the floor and carry her inside.

"Yeah sure your fine, now come on I'll get you to bed. It's been a hard day, sleep will do you good." I walk and half carry Brittany up into her bedroom where I place her on the bed and start to take her clothes off.

"Fanks for singing today Sanny. You sounded bea-utiful."

"Thanks B I'm happy you liked it. I know how much you miss your Dad so I just wanted to do something for him and you."

I place her dirty clothes in the washing basket before heading to her draws and getting out some shorts and tank top and dressing her again. "You get into bed while I go get you a glass of water for in the morning."

I walk out hearing the covers shuffling around from her getting into bed. Once I filled the glass I make my way back up stairs but stop mid step and come back down and into the living room to find Susan sitting in the arm chair.

"Everything alright Mrs P?" I watch her jump and I send her an apologetic smile.

"I'm OK Santana, just tired from everything today. Thank you for singing that song. It was a nice surprise. And your speech it was beautiful too. I honestly wouldn't have been able to but anything it words so thank you for that."

"No problem Susan. That's what I'm here for. I know it'll be hard but try and get some rest OK?"

"OK San and thanks again." I leave smiling at her one last time before heading up to Brittany's room to find her sitting up in bed still fully awake.

"I thought you would be a bed by now." I place the glass on the table beside the bed and sit down next to her. SHe doesn't answer me just continues to stare at me.

"Everything alright B?"

She comes forward and wraps her arms around my neck engulfing me in a big hug. "Thank you for to-day," She say with a hiccup. "Honestly."

"I told you B, I'm going to help you through all of this." I say rubbing her back.

She pulls back and leans her forehead against mine. My breath hitching as I look into her ocean blue eyes. "I don't know wh..what I would have done with..without you these past couple of days."

I feel her breath hit my lips more than hear her words and I just stare back at her. My heart beating loudly in my chest. I watch her eyes flicker down to mine and suddenly everything seems wrong. She leans in but I pull back just before her lips touch mine and get up off the bed and stand near the window.

"What are you doing B this isn't right." I say with a confused tone as I watch her brow crease.

"I need you right now San. I just need to feel something!" She says and before I can even stop her she is getting out of bed and pinning me against the wall her head tucking into my neck where she begins to kiss desperately.

"Stop it Brittany. Brittany!" I shout pushing her away from me and I watch as she stumbles back onto the bed."This isn't right Britt and you know it. For starters you're drunk and also B," I say moving back towards the bed to cup her cheek. "You're grieving B and I don't want you to do something you will regret later just because you're hurting right now. I love you too much to watch you do something you don't really want to. I know it is hard right now but I will help you through it the proper way."

I wipe her tears away and place a light kiss to her forehead. "Get back into bed and get some sleep OK? I'll be here in the morning."

I turn around and pick up my shoes before heading to the door only to stop when I hear her voice call out.

"San.. could you sleep with me tonight?"

I turn around to tell her again why I can't but the words die on my lips as I watch her wrap her arms around herself looking so broken.

"Could you just hold me tonight S... Please?" Her voice breaks and I drop my shoes instantly making my way over to the bed and getting under the covers, not even bothering to change.

"Of course I will be. I love you so much." I whisper as she wraps her arms around my waist and I slip my hand underneath her while my other hand comes to warp around her back pulling her close to me. She tucks her head beneath my chin as I kiss the top of her head lightly.

"Good night B."

"Night San." She says sleepily.

Within minutes I feel her breath even out and a couple of minutes later I start to feel myself drift off as well.

* * *

**A/N: sorry it's late. I had written this chapter 4 times until I was happy with it. Hope you liked this chapter. Please leave a review. Thanks**

**I've changed my tumblr too, - heathersflawless - if you want to ask me anything on there.**

**Song: Dance with my father again- Celine Dion.**

**I don't know when the next update will be. I will probably say this weekend but I don't know because I have a lot of course work and exams coming up but I will be finishing this story don't worry :) **

**Thanks for all the review/favourites/follows I really appreciate it!**


	19. Chapter 19

We left Susan early the next day as life had to carry on as usual. The car ride home was quite but not uncomfortable. I can tell that Brittany is a little embarrassed from last night but if I'm being honest I have never slept so good in ages. Having her in my arms again and waking up to her lying on my chest, her hand resting above my hand. I had never felt so at ease.

For a second I felt like old times. When I would wake up just before the sun would rise and kiss her head softly before getting out of bed to go for run and get back just as the sun was rising to make her some breakfast and wake her up. But as the sun peaked through the horizon today nothing like that happened only the sad reality that this was probably only a one time thing. Because like I said it's the old times.

"Hey B," I say breaking the silence, taking my hand off the steering wheel to place it on her knee.

She jumps at the contact of my hand on her bare knee and my heart sinks at her reaction.

"Sorry, I just spaced out."

"It's fine B, I was just going to ask if you need anything?"

She looks at me with a raised eyebrow in confusion before she sees me pointing behind me and she pieces together that we have stopped at a service station.

"I'll come in with you I need to stretch my legs anyway."

"Come on then," I say with a small smile, opening the door and heading to the small shop.

I push the door open and immediately see the creepy guy behind the counter eyeing us up. I shudder inside from his stare but I shake it off as we continue to walk towards the fridges at the back. I pick up two bottles of water while Brittany picks up some sweets before we head back tot he counter and place them on top.

"Hey, pretty ladies." His voice is just how I imagined it would be, slimy.

I keep and blank face as he continues to stare but as every second goes by my tolerance starts to weaken.

"What's two pretty thing like you doing round here?"

"How about you shut your mouth and do your job instead of asking questions." I say loudly my patients finally gone.

"Oo, I like them feisty. I also like that fine piece of white ass behind you, I bet we could have some fun eh?" I nearly blanch at his words I look back towards Brittany and see her head bowed to the floor and my anger flips.

"Listen here you little pimpled fucker," I reach forward and grab onto this shirt pulling him around from the counter. My eyes are cold as venom snakes into my voice. "You ever say anything about my girl like that again and you wont have a tongue to speak with. You hear me?"

"You look hot when you angry. I bet that blonde chick can't walk straight for days when you're angry." He says back his hand touching my cheek. Seems like this kids needs to be taught a lesson.

I kick him in the knee cap making him cry out in pain before hitting the floor. "What the fuck did I just say about talking about her like that.," I place my foot between his legs and press down hard and he releases a high pitch scream, his hands circling around my ankle. "You know it's men like you who put women off men. You think that you are God's gift when really you're just some low life, working in a service station because you probably failed high school and no girl would even give you their time of day so you thought it would be a good idea to hit on women you'll only know while you serve them." I press down even harder and tear start to fall down his cheeks. "But let me make one thing very clear. No girl will ever fall for a creepy looking guy sprouting off crude things about them. So the next time you decide to hit on someone with your creepy lines make sure you remember this moment right here before you do, because I can guarantee there are women out there who will make this little interact look like a fucking picnic. Do you understand?"

He whimpers a yes and I release my foot from his groin and his hand immediately cup from injured man hood.

"Have a nice day now," I say sweetly grabbing my items off the counter, grabbing Brittany's hand and making my way out of the shop and to the car.

"Thank you again, you didn't have to do that in there. Seems like all I've been doing lately is saying thank you too you."

"No problem B, I'm always going to protect you. Now one deserves to be spoke about like that, you especially."

"He said things about you too though."

"Yeah," I say looking into her eyes, "But I'm not the important one."

/

The rest of the car ride how was done in silence just like before we stopped a the service station. We get back at around 2 pm and I go straight to Quinn's.

"Thanks again."

"No problem Britt, you know I'll always be there for you and your family." I say with a genuine smile.

"Not just that though." She turns in her seat to look at me and there is a sense of unease in her voice, as if she is nervous of something and my brown creases in confusion.

"What else B?"

"For today in the service station and holdingmelastnight." She says the last part quickly and under breath that I don't quite catch it.

"As I said B, I'm always going to be there for you and sorry what was the last part?"

I watch as her cheeks burn red slightly and my stomach feels like there are a thousand butterflies fluttering around as I watch her hide her face and nose crinkle.

"I said.. for holding me last night." She doesn't take her head out of her hands and I can't fight the smile that stretches over my lips.

I don't say anything back I just open the car door and step out walking around to the passenger side. She must have heard the car door shut because her head snaps up and watches me make my way towards her. I open the door and hold out my hand for her to grab. Once she's out of the car I bring her into a strong and comforting hug. My skin is vibrating like crazy as I feel her body mold into mine, shuddering has I feel her breath hit my neck.

I move my head so that my lips graze her ear and whisper gently. "I should be the one saying thank you for letting me hold you last night, you don't know how much that meant for me as well."

I step back but keep my arms planted on her shoulders. Her blue eyes shinning brightly as the afternoon shine reflects off them. My breath is caught in my throat at how beautiful she is.

"I better go in and see Quinn and tell her everything." Her voice breaks me out of my thoughts and I drop my hands from her shoulder giving her hand once last squeeze before stepping to the side and letting her past so she can retrieve her bag.

"Call me sometime eh?" I say with a sudden found confidence and Brittany turns her head and nods softly leaving you with butterflies flying around in your belly once again.

/

After I left Quin's apartment I made my way to the studio to see how things have been since my unexpected leave.

"Hey Mrs Pierce how was your trip?"

"Fine," I say shortly not wanting to talk about the events that happened while I was away.

I walk to my office and the first thing I am greeted to is a young woman fast asleep at the new desk which was placed in here while I was away.

I can have some fun with this, I think moving towards the desk

"HEY!" I shout slamming my bag down on the desk.

It's almost comical how she jumps out of her seat eyes wide with shock and it takes everything for me not to laugh. I keep my façade up and give her a stern look.

"I've been away for what? A week and a bit and you're already slacking?"

"Wh-what? Santana?"

"Yes genius it's me, what are you doing sleeping when you should be working?"

"I.. I'm sorry Santana, I just I was working really late last night and I actually haven't been home yet because I kind of fell asleep last night before I got a chance to leave." She rambles on and I can't hold my laugh back anymore so I burst out laugh leaving her even more confused than before.

"Oh my god!" I say between laughing, "You're face was priceless. I was just kidding Amelia chill." I hit her arm playfully before heading towards my desk to sit down and catch my breath. Once I calm down I turn towards her again to see her still blushing from having been caught asleep.

"Why don't you head off home and come back in at four? Nothing is happening today and I won't be doing anything on my album until later today so you don't really need to be here right now."

"Really? Thank's. Guess I can head home and catch a few hours of sleep." She says getting up from her desk and putting on her pea coat. "I guess I'll see you at four then."

"See ya later." I say picking up the file next to me.

Once Amelia left I pick up my phone and ring a familiar number. It rings 3 times before a hit pitched voice greets me on the other end.

"San, Hey how are you?"

"I'm good Rach, things have been pretty intense this past week but nothing I can't handle. Hopefully things will be OK soon." I don't really have a personal relationship with any of my clients but Rachel has always been different. Don't get me wrong we're not best friends but she is a good friend and not as annoying as I first thought she was when I signed her on.

"I'm really sorry about what happened, but anyway what have you called me about?"

"Yeah, well first I just wanted to congratulate you on getting the cover of billboard magazine. I know how long you have been waiting for some recognition in the music business."

"I know, I am so excited!" I smile at her enthusiasm.

"However that is not all." I say quite excitedly myself to her.

"What? What is it?"

"I received the other day while I was away an email that has invited one Miss Rachel Berry to go to the Billboard Award's in three weeks time."

"OH MY GOD!" Rachel screams into the phone and I have to hold it away from my ear as she continues to shout down the phone. I laugh before putting the phone next to my ear.

"This is honestly the best day of my life."

"Well it's only going to get better because not only do you get to attend the billboard awards but you are also nominated for Top New Artist of the Year."

"What? How?"

"Looks like you have been hitting it up in the chart lately and people are starting to noticed your incredible voice."

"This.. I can't believe this is actually happening."

"Well believe it Rach, you deserve it."

"Thank you Santana! I am so grateful for you to give me a chance and sign me. Thank you so much. I've got to go now and call my Dad's, I can't wait."

"I'll speak to you later Rachel, and we'll set a date for a celebration for all of this soon OK?"

"Sure, thanks again San, bye."

I don't bother saying bye I just end the call and put it on my desk.

I'm happy for Rachel, I truly am. She has been waiting so long for the opportunity to be noticed and finally the hard work has paid off. If I'm being completely honest I don't understand how she wasn't picked up by someone else before me, her voice is out of this world and I can only thank her past failures of not getting signed for her to end up at my barely started record label looking for a chance in the business.

I quickly set and reminder on my phone to organise a party before starting to read through some flies of some scouted talents round the area.

/

It's a little after 4 when Amelia steps back into the office looking a lot more fresh and ready to work than this morning.

"Hey Santana, I'm sorry about this morning, I promise it won't happen again." She says quickly and blush covering her face from embarrassment.

"Like I said before it's fine Amelia, don't worry about it. I couldn't count on both my hands how many times I've fell asleep at my desk at 3 o'clock in the morning," I say with a chuckle making her let out a sigh of relief and also a chuckle from herself.

"So have you decided on a name for your album yet?" Amelia asks after sitting down at her desk which was opposite mine. "The art work for it is all finalised we're just waiting for a name to put on before we start to make the full album cover, CD's and merchandise."

"I've got a few ideas but nothing has stuck with me yet. I know it might sound silly but I need it to be all perfect."

"No I get what you mean, this is your first ever album, got to make a good impression. What names have you come up with so far?"

We spend the rest of the days work looking through some possible album names and also things to add to the album.

"So, anyone special in your life?" The question catches me off guard as we look through the lists colour schemes for my album.

"Sorry, I don't mean to be pushy." She once she saw my reaction. "I just saw you're married and wondered what they were like."

I go to answer but my heart sinks suddenly. I'm not married anymore. I mean yes legally I am still married but we are getting divorced, we have split up.

"Actually I won't be anymore. Soon you'll be calling me Santana Lopez instead of Pierce." I say with a sad tone m eyes casting downwards towards the desk. can't look at what I assume to be pity on the girls face.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope I'm not being pushy again but can I ask why?"

"Yes, you are being pushy again but it's fine." I say with sad tone still evident. "I made the dreadful mistake of cheating. It was the worst thing I have ever done in my entire life and I have done many terrible things but this one goes right to the top of the list."

"I know how you feel. I did the same thing to my fiancée a few years back."

I look up shocked to hear her confession.

"Re-really?"

"Yeah, I was young and stupid. I got really drunk one night at a party and one thing led to another and next thing I knew I was waking up naked in one of my friends bed though it wasn't Ben who was next to me only his best friend Jack. I swear I had never felt so shitty in my entire life. Even Jack felt shitty when I spoke to him about it."

"How did Ben find out about you both?"

"We decided it was best to tell him. I was slowly getting eaten up with the guilt and so was Jack so we thought it was for the best just to tell him the truth."

"A-and what happened?"

"He was pissed. But more than anything he felt betrayed and I can't blame him for it. I smashed down the trust we built between us and it's true when they say trust is everything in a relationship."

"So.. You guys never made things right again?"

"Sadly no, we didn't. But thinking about it now I think it was the best decision to not get back together because we are friends now. Great friends actually. I meet up with him and his wife twice a week and I've never seen him so in love before. I'm happy he has found someone to love and them to love him back."

My heart breaks at hearing her speak. Are my chances really over with Brittany? Will I ever only just be friends with her again?

"But I'm not saying that may experience is going to be the same as yours. Your relationship is different than ours because we were young and just starting a life together. You and your partner have already experienced a life together and that matters a lot when deciding whether or not to carry it on. The past can dig up horrible memories but also keeps the best ones engraved forever."

"Yeah. I hope that's true. I can't imagine a life without her by my side to be honest," I say playing with the ring on my left hand.

"I can see that. Not just from the way you are saying it now but the look in your eyes. You really do love her eh?"

"Yeah.. She's everything to me."

I don't really know where this confidence has came from to talk about my personal life with someone I have just met but it feels oddly comfortable and it feel good to talk to someone who has been in my position and knows how I feel even if her relationship didn't last. But it's like Amelia said, we have history together and I know we have a rare love that can outlast anything life throws at us.

* * *

**A/N: The next chapter things will be getting back to the main storyline and the divorce. **

**Hope you liked this chapter. Please leave a review, thanks :)**

**tumblr- heathersflawless**


	20. Chapter 20

Work was hell today. I had six meetings and also I still haven't came up with a name for my album yet and the deadline is coming up.

I let out a long sigh of relief as I near the apartment door and quickly shuffle inside closing it shut with the heel of my foot. I make my way to the kitchen to get a drink before falling back onto the couch and closing my eyes lazily reaching around for the remote to switch the TV on only for some background noise.

Ever since Brittany left I have hated the silence throughout the apartment. Whenever I would come home there would be music playing or some sort of kid programme on the TV drowning out the silence. I miss the nights when I would come home to the smell of food cooking and Brittany dancing around the kitchen in a world of her own.

The sound of my phone ringing breaks me out of my daze and I reach for my bag that got tossed to the other side of the sofa when I came into the apartment.

"Hello," I say with my eyes still shut.

"Hello Santana it's Samantha, you're lawyer." The chirpy voice rings through the phone making my eyes snap open.

"Oh hey, what's up?"

"I was just calling to tell you that the final meeting has been set up where you will both sign a final document officially separating you both legally before sitting down and deciding what you will both share equally..."

Her voice fades off ad I feel a sharp pain in my heart as I listen to my lawyer talk about the final step before we are legally divorced. I'm not going to lie I kind of forgot that we were getting divorced with what happened over the past few weeks and us talking and meeting up for coffee dates after we got back from her parents house. I mean I knew things still weren't the same but actually getting divorced legally somehow slipped my mind whenever I was around her.

"Santana, are you listening to me?"

"What? Yeah I am, when will this meeting be?"

"It's set for tomorrow so be at the court house at 12pm."

"Right. OK. Thanks, bye." I say shortly wanting to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

I fall back against the sofa and let the tear I've been holding back go. I curl up in a ball as if to try and minimise the pain in my heart.

/

I must of fell asleep because the next thing I know someone is knocking on the front door loudly. I groan as I sit up and crack the kink in my neck from the awkward position I had been lying curled up in the far corner of the sofa before standing up and slowly making my way to the door letting the obviously impatient person wait a little bit longer because that's just who I am.

"What the hell do you want and why the hell is it so important for you to be banging my door down?" I snap as soon as I open the door.

"Shut up Santana and let me in I have been waiting for almost half an hour for you to let me in. What the hell have you been doing anyway?" A voice snaps right back at me and I look up to see Puck leaning against the door frame with his annoying smirk in tacked and holding bottles of beer.

"What do you want Puck?" I sigh not in the mood for his shit right now.

"Well isn't obvious I came to drink some beers with my bro. Plus I feel kind of shitty about the whole thing that happened when we went to LA."

"Firstly, I am and never will be your bro no matter how many times you say it and secondly, get the hell in here and open a bottle before I change my mind and slam this door on you." I open the door wider for him to step in and he immediately opens a bottle before handing it to me. I take a long swig of the bitter liquid while falling down into my original place on the sofa while Puck sits opposite me in the arm chair.

"So how's it going with the label?" Puck asks after taking his own gulp from his beer.

"Nothing much however I did find a new artist to sign."

"Really that's great, so what's this up and coming singer called?"

"Santana." I say with a smile.

"No shit really? What changed your mind?" He asks excitedly jumping up off the arm chair to rush over and hug me tightly causing me to spill some of my beer on the floor.

"Brittany mainly but you helped a lot to Puck so I have to thank you for it as well."

"I can't wait for the world to hear you awesome voice, there gonna be blown away San, I know it."

"Thank Puck, really I mean it."

"No worries bro, but I do expect a shout out at the grammy's when you win best album."

I slap him on the back of his head and push him away glaring at him playfully, "I don't thank you that much jeez and what have I told you about calling me bro!"

"Chill babe, and you know that you'll be thanking me sooner or later at the grammy's. I can picture it now," He stand up and holds his beer as if it is a grammy and what I think is his impression of my voice. "Thank, thank. I am so honoured for this award. I want to thank my amazing team and also Brittany. But most importantly I would like to thank my best lesbro Noah Puckerman who without him I wouldn't have known I had a incredible voice therefore never getting the chance to stand on this stage before you all. So thank you Puck and I will forever be in debt to you."

By the end of his speech I am crying with laughter trying not to fall off the sofa.

"Oh, my God!" I say through tears, "Since when did you know the word therefore? And also I do not sound like that."

"Fuck off, I know good grammar woman."

"And don't ever call me your lesbro again." I say throwing a cushion at him hitting him square in the face.

/

Puck stayed for another hour before heading back saying he had some business in LA this weekend and wanted to go there a few days earlier to do some sight seeing. And me and you both know he isn't talking about the land marks. He really is a pervert sometimes.

I smile at the imagine of him walking up and down the beach with his aviator on and his smirk in place while discretely checking out all the potential goods he might find.

I shake the disturbing thoughts of Puck and some unlucky girl and head to bed for some much needed rest since tomorrow is going to be a very, very long day.

* * *

"I feel really weird," I say clasping my hands together in front of me as we step outside of the room. Metaphorically closing the door on our past.

"Yeah, me too. Things are going to be different once we have left here."

"But that's the thing Britt," I say turning to face her. "I don't want things to be different. I never have, can't we just stop all of this and fix things?"

"I know it's hard to understand San, and I have thought about it too but I think this will be good for us. Moving on and finding new things. I will always love you San but sometimes you just have to let things go."

"But Brittany I can't let go of us. You have to know that we might not be legally together anymore but this isn't the end. You mean everything to me and you just expect me to just drop it and not fight?"

"You love me right?"

"More than the world," I say without missing a beat.

"Then let me go. Let me go and move on because it's just like they say," She comes closer to me and places her hand on my cheek gently. "If you love something, let it go and if it's meant to be it'll find it's way back. Always."

Tears cloud my vision and I let out a shaky breath as her words wash over me before saying.

"You always were a genius Britt."

* * *

I woke up at eleven and quickly showered and got dressed before heading straight to the court house.

I have been dreading this day ever since Brittany wanted a divorce. Never in my life would I expect to be driving towards this place. Ending something I never knew had an ending. I will myself not to cry while getting out of my car and making my way into the court house. I need to be strong today, no matter what. I don't know how Brittany is feeling about all of this but all I know is that every step I take closer to that room my insides die a little more.

"Hello Mrs Pierce. If you would just like to take a seat here we will be with you in a moment." A young dark haired woman says while showing me to a small wooden chair outside a dark wood door.

I hear the tell-tale of heels click along the floor before stopping right in front of me.

"Hey San," Brittany's voice is hushed as if she doesn't want anyone else to hear her.

"Hey B." I say back almost monotone. I shift awkwardly on the wooden chair not daring myself to look up into her blue eyes and have my soul searched. I can't not now. It would just be too much to handle.

I feel more than see her sit down next to me, her arm brushing mine making me shudder slightly at the warm radiating off her arm.

"How are you?" She ask almost tentatively.

I keep my eyes strained on the floor as I feel the sting of tears form in the back of my eyes. I feel a rush of anger flood through me before answering her. "Just dandy Brittany. I'm feeling great on the day of my divorce, how about you?" I snap but feel guilt seep in as soon as I close my mouth. But I was mad. How can she ask me something like that. Today of all days as well.

"Sorry, that was a stupid question."

I sigh leaning back into the chair before glancing up towards Brittany. Her form slumped down in the chair as she plays with her fingers in her lap.

"No, I'm sorry, I know you're nervous about all of this. I just.. I was never prepared for this day ever so it feels kind of weird to be sitting in here."

"I'm sorry too and I know what you mean. I never pictured us ending like this."

The sting in my eyes burn even more as she speaks and I can't help but let a single tear roll down my face collecting in the corner of my mouth, I quickly poke my tongue out and lick it away feeling the salty tear against my taste buds.

For the first time in forever an uncomfortable silence surrounds us and we sit quietly waiting to be called in.

As we wait for the call I sit and wonder how many people actually go through this everyday. How many appointments to these people go through in a day. How many marriages are ended in that room alone. The thought of us going into that room and knowing the outcome is going to be bad makes me cringe a little. Knowing there is barely any hope left of saving our marriage once we enter that room.

"Mrs and Mrs Pierce if you'd like to come in now." The dark haired woman comes out of the room and holds the door open for us to walk in as she follows after us.

I sit at the end of the long table nearest to the door while Brittany rounds the table to sit opposite me next to the window.

"Good Afternoon. So today we are going to be splitting your shared belongings such as your personal things you both share and also your apartment and then after all that is done we will get you to sign this document and then you will both be legally divorced."

_Wow, straight to the point there. _I think as I watch a plump woman at the end of the table talk to us before opening a file which I assume is all out shared belongings.

"So first we'll start with the apartment. Have you decided which one of you will keep the apartment or are you selling it?"

"Santana can keep the apartment, I have already moved my things out so it's just be a hassle for us both too." Brittany say before I open my mouth and I look towards her and we have a silent conversation which involves me asking if she is sure and her telling me yes.

"Right that's great, now how about some of your valuable possessions?"

"We don't really have any, whatever Brittany wants she can have, I've already lost my most valuable possession." I say through a strained voice but I try to keep my face straight to not reflect the damage that is happening inside.

I can see Brittany stare at my with sympathy from the corner of my eye but I keep my eyes trained on the judge in front of me.

"All right then, that's everything settled if you both would just sign here you are free to go."

The only feeling I can describe when I signed the pages was surreal. It felt like it was a dream and that I was standing beside myself shouting and trying to stop myself from putting pen to paper.

"Right, thank you. You are both now legally split so you may leave if you have no further questions.

I basically bolted out of the room as soon as we were dismissed. I couldn't take being in there any longer. The pain in my chest is aching, my heart feels hollow as my mind begins to catch up with what just happened inside that room a few minutes ago.

It's over.

I'm a 24 year old divorcée.

I've lost my wife.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I haven't read back through this because I am kind of nervous about this chapter but I hope you guys like it.**

* * *

"San, wait up!" I hear Brittany call after me but I don't stop. I can't turn back. It's done, everything's different now.

"Santan-a!" Her voice breaks and it shoots straight through my heart making me stumble slightly, my tears flowing down my face faster than before. "I said stop Santana." Her voice is suddenly very close and I feel her soft warm hand wrap around my wrist making my hairs stand up and goose bumps to break out. "Why did you run out like that?" She says breathlessly her free hand resting on her chest to calm her heart race.

"Just let me go Brittany." I say desperately trying to escape from her tight grasp.

"No! You're not running away when things start to get hard again Santana. Haven't you learnt anything?" Her tone is definite and it makes me cower slightly from her blue eyes boring into mine.

"I'm sorry Brittany. I.. I just didn't expect it to be this hard. I thought I was ready to let you go but I'm not! I am never going to be OK with us not being together and it kills me to stand so close to you and not being able to touch you like before. It kills me even more to know that someday it will be someone else that is touching you like I used too.

"Santana." She says tentatively, coming to stand closer to me. "It kills me too not being able to call you mine but this is for the best and we both know it. And I also know that I don't need any legal agreement for the feelings I have inside for you. We may have split up but you'll always have a special place in here." She says pointing to her heart making mine beat faster against my rib cage.

I let out a choked sob and lift my hand to cover my face in shame. I did this. I put us in all of this mess and I have nothing left to blame but a stupid drunken mistake I made that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

She guides me outside and opens the door dropping my wrist.

"I feel really weird," I say clasping my hands together in front of me as we step outside of the room. Metaphorically closing the door on our past.

"Yeah, me too. Things are going to be different once we have left here."

"But that's the thing Britt," I say turning to face her. "I don't want things to be different. I never have, can't we just stop all of this and fix things?"

"I know it's hard to understand San, and I have thought about it too but I think this will be good for us. Moving on and finding new things. I will always love you San but sometimes you just have to let things go."

"But Brittany I can't let go of us. You have to know that we might not be legally together anymore but this isn't the end. You mean everything to me and you just expect me to just drop it and not fight?"

"You love me right?"

"More than the world," I say without missing a beat.

"Then let me go. Let me go and move on because it's just like they say," She comes closer to me and places her hand on my cheek gently. "If you love something, let it go and if it's meant to be it'll find it's way back. Always."

Tears cloud my vision and I let out a shaky breath as her words wash over me before saying.

"You always were a genius Britt."

I see her blush slightly from my words and I wipe away the tears that have fallen.

"I guess this is goodbye."

"Yeah... I guess" I lean forward and kiss her cheek, I keep my lips pressed against her soft skin for longer than usual before pulling her into a tight hug.

The words we shared felt like a goodbye but the look in her eyes made me believe that maybe we do have a happy ending somewhere in the distant or even near future.

All I know is that I am definitely sticking around to find out.

* * *

It's been a two months since the day at the court house and things are going great with the record label and my album. Unfortunately I can't say the same for my love life. It's safe to say that my heart has been chained up and isn't breaking out any time soon.

Brittany hasn't called me once or even texted and a part of me understand this and knows I shouldn't get pissy for her not calling, because she doesn't have any reason to, but there is another part of me that is hurt that she has ignored me for two months and not answered my texts. I thought that we would at least have some sort of relationship to build on but I guess that was just my naive side showing a little too strongly.

However back on to positive things my album has finally been finished and was released at the beginning of last month and it was been overwhelming the support I have grained from it. I've had more and more fan letters being sent from all over America and every single one that I get makes me much more confident for putting and writing the kind of songs I did for my album and not get lost in all the mainstream business and stick to my passion and most importantly my heart.

There has been one song on the album that has got more attention than others in not just my fans but the media. It was the only song on the album that I had written completely by myself and it was also the hardest one to decided whether or not the put it on the album. It is quite a personal song and if I'm being honest I'm not surprised it has caught a lot of people's attention. Of course I knew the pros and cons of putting the song on my album and I knew that the media would highlight it straight away but I know in my heart that it was the right decision and it speaks the truths I never knew how to say. But the reason why it has got so much attention is because it hasn't actually been released yet, it is on the album but it's a bonus song and it's named as 'Untitled'.

I have arranged for a little private show tonight- for family and friends and a few lucky fans- to perform the songs on my album but too also premier the bonus song. I wanted to perform this song in front of my friends and family because I knew that I had to sing this song for them instead of them hearing it from the studio version through a speaker. I wanted them to see me and hear me for real when I sing it. Because this will be the first time ever that I will let my guard down and show my true feelings and my own thoughts about what has been happening in my life so far. And to say I'm nervous is a huge fucking understatement.

This is also another reason why I am kind of pissed off that Brittany hasn't returned to any of my calls or text because I invited her to the private show and she hasn't confirmed whether or not she is attending and I'm starting to get really anxious because she is mainly the reason why I am doing this show tonight and without her there it will be pretty pointless.

A young man had come in 5 times already telling me that I am nearly ready for the stage but I have made no move to get up so far. I have been sitting here staring at my phone for the off chance that she might just text or call. Pathetic right, I know.

"Last call Ms Lopez."

I'll never get used to hearing that surname. I can't even remember the last time I got called that and also ever since I have got my maiden name back it's as if everyone has forgotten my first name and have got to calling me Ms Lopez every chance they get. Almost mockingly.

"Alright, alright. I'm coming. Guess she's not coming." I mumble out the last part as I stand and make my way to the small stage. The lights are dimmed so the people sitting in the audience can't see me sitting down on the stool in the centre of the stage. My belly fills with tiny butterflies when I realise just how close the audience is. I know I wanted a private show but I never knew hoe intimate this all could be.

"Good evening everyone," My voice booms though the speakers as the music starts to play in the background. _Showtime._

There is a big cheer and I can't help the smile that takes over my face. The lights have know light up the entire room and my breath catches in my throat when I notice bright blue eyes staring back at me. There is only one person I have ever met with those eyes and suddenly I am getting nervous for a whole different reason.

"Thank you for coming out here tonight. Especially my family and friends who have come by from there hectic lives to watch me sing a few songs." I could hear them chuckle lightly and the smile on my face gets bigger if it were possible. "So I'm going to be singing the 9 songs off my new album and I'm gonna shut up now and do just that. This ones called New York Lights."

The heavy beat fills the small room as my voice blends in and I feel myself get lost in the music.

After playing 9 of the tens songs off the album the room is buzzing. I can feeling the energy off everyone in the room and it is exhilarating. And more importantly I can see the smile on her face and it makes me feel like I'm on cloud nine. I can see the proud look in her eyes making me forget I ever doubted doing this show.

"I'm so happy that you guys have come out here tonight. I couldn't have picked a better audience to sing my album live for the first time. It is truly an honour. So I've sang nearly all of my songs off the album," I walk over towards the piano that has been placed in the centre of the stage. I sit down and place the mic on the stand. "But now it's time for the special part of tonight. My bonus song." The crowd erupt with a loud cheer and it helps calm the butterflies in my belly a little bit. "This is probably the most intimate and personal song I will ever write and speaks truths in a situation I regret very dearly. I hope that you all can connect in this next song in whatever why you can. This is called Damaged Hearts."

My fingers glide along the black and white keys. A soft melody filling the silent room. Violins next to me start to play quietly before I take a deep breath and start to sing.

_I watched as you pack your bags,_  
_there were no goodbyes._  
_You just walk right out my life,_  
_and there wasn't a single thing I could do _  
_to stop you from walking out the door._

I keep my eyes shut tight and concentrate on my breathing. I have to make it to the end of the song.

_I watched all our friends save you _  
_and left me here alone._  
_I know I did it too myself,_  
_but when do I get redeemed?_  
_Or am I chained to my mistakes forever?_

At the I open my eyes and look towards all my friends and it is then that I realise the unshed tears in their eyes and they refuse to let them fall.

_My aching hearts no lie,_  
_I have loved you from the start._  
_But my mind got clouded,_  
_and my actions caused pain_  
_and now all that's left_  
_Is two damaged hearts. [x2]_

_I wanna say goodbye,_  
_but it's easier just to cry,_  
_I wanna say I'm sorry,_  
_but I've left my heart to die._  
_I really should move on from you,_  
_but you're all I want, your all I ever needed._

_My aching hearts no lie,_  
_I have loved you from the start._  
_But my mind got clouded,_  
_and my actions caused pain_  
_and now all that's left_  
_Is two damaged hearts. [x2]_

My voice cracks as I belt out the lyrics. My tears by now are flooding down my face. The keys are now wet as my fingers continue to play.

_I didn't mean to hurt you baby,_  
_I just got lost in confusion._  
_Caught up in the pain,_  
_I wish I could go back in time._  
_And have you by my side again._

My attention turns to Brittany and she is not even trying to stop her tears. They are just as bad as mine as the roll down her cheeks one after another.

_It's gonna take a life time to get over the love we shared._  
_But baby it's hard to see you falling,_  
_Knowing that I can't be the one to catch you._  
_But i'mma do the right thing now baby._

_So I'll watch you leave with teary eyes,_  
_While you move on and mend your broken heart,  
__And I'll find my path of __forgiveness.  
__But as I turn away and the tears fall down my face.  
__I'll pray in my heart that you'll know,  
__You'll always, always,  
__Be my girl.__  
_

My voice fades out though the speaks at the same time my fingers stop playing the piano. A dead silence takes over the room. I look back over towards where Brittany is sitting and my heart clenches as I see the seat is now empty.

_She left._

I don't bother look back over to the audience. "Thank you. Have a good night everyone," I manage to get out before quickly making my way off stage and into my dressing room. I fall down onto the small couch in my dressing room and finally let out the sob I have been holding back in my chest.

_I knew it wasn't a good idea. I fucking knew it._

The heel of my hands press tightly to my eyes making me see tiny shapes. My head pounds and body shakes as I try to calm myself down. A hand tugs lightly on my wrist and I jump back with shock and look wide eyed at the person kneeling beside me.

"Brittany?.." I say in a hushed whisper as for the second time this night, blue eyes connect with mine.

* * *

**A/N2: Please leave a review on what you thought, thanks.**

**Follow me on tumblr - heathersflawless**


	22. Chapter 22

"Brittany?..."

She doesn't say anything at first, you both just kind of stare into each others eyes. Plus I'm still a little shocked to see her here in the first place. I was sure she had left and never wanted to see me.

I notice that her hands are still holding my wrists tightly and she stroking her thumb a long the skin there sending tingles up my arm.

"What are you doing here?" I say again in a whisper still looking at her, but again she continues to stare. "Britt," I nudge her a little this time and she seems to break out of her trance because she loosens her grip on my wrist and her eyes divert to the floor.

"You make it so difficult." She finally says, her eyes still looking at the floor but her hands are not tangled together as she rubs them.

"Difficult?" I ask in confusion

"I don't understand how you do it." She says again and I'm starting to think that she is talking to herself rather then me.

"Hey Britt, what are you talking about?" I place my hand on hers to stop her rubbing them because they're starting to turn red. "Come on you can tell me."

"Your just so frustrating!" She yells while moving across the room before I could blink again.

"What, Brittany just calm down!" I'm so confused. What the hell is she going on about. I never expected her to react like this.

"Don't you get it? I have tried so hard to move on and forget about you these past two months.!"

My head starts to spin and my heart is banging off my rib cage as all I can hear is: _Forget about you, move one, forget about you, move on._

"But I can't. I can't do it. I can't stay locked up in Quinn's apartment and pretend that I don't love you! And that song, Jesus that song..."

"Wait what?" I interrupt her getting off the sofa and making my way towards her. "You still love me?"

"Of course I still love you! That's the point in why I'm so mad. I thought that I could spend some time away from you and I could forget about my feelings for you and then start as friends but I can't! You're everything to me San, whether I like it or not."

I don't say anything back, I'm so overwhelmed all I can think about doing is grabbing a hold of her face and kissing her senseless and that's exactly what I do.

My hands reach forwards quickly and pull her close so that our noses bump together before leaning up slightly and capturing her lips. Our lips move in sync as if we had never stopped and I feel her body mold against mine as we continues to kiss. I pull away from her but keep my hands on her cheeks when I fee the burning sensation in my lungs to breathe.

"I'm so, so sorry Britt." My voice cracks as I stare deep into her eyes almost pleading.

"Oh Santana," She whispers. "You don't need to apologise anymore. I forgive you."

I crash our lips back together once I hear those words leave her mouth. It feels like this heavy weight has been lifted off my chest and I can finally breath again. I feel her love fill my heart again and I feel the corners of her mouth lift up into a smile as we kiss and I suddenly can't remember a time more perfect than this.

Because I never thought I would feel like this again. The feeling off falling in love with Brittany all over again.

Finally we pull back again and I let go of her face and put a bit of distance between us so we can talk.

"That song was really sad San." Brittany say after she gets her breathing under control.

"Yeah, I know. But I just... I had to find a why to get my feelings out. I meant every word Britt. I would have let you move on if you wanted too."

"I get that now San but I don't want to move on, but I don't want to be reminded of the past either. It still hurts."

"What so... you want to be with me but not be reminded of our past?"

"Yeah.. Sorta like a clean slate." Brittany says and a smile takes over my face before I can stop it and I'm moving away from her dropping my hands to my side. "San, what are yo-"

"Hey it's nice to meet you, I'm Santana Lopez," I say sticking my hand out for her to shake. She looks at me with a smile before saying.

"You too, I'm Brittany S Pierce."

* * *

**A/N: I know this is super short but I think this is all that was needed to finish off this fic. I probably should of told you that this was the last chapter but I wasn't even sure myself if it was but this story has finally come to an end. I might write an epilogue but I kind of like how I have ended this with it left open for you guys to decide what happens next.**

**Please leave a review for this fic one more time :)**

** I want to thank everyone that reviewed, followed and favourited this fic I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it and please check out my other fic Too the Moon and Back which I will be carrying on over the summer. Thank you. :)**

**Tumblr - heathersflawless**


	23. Chapter 23 - Epilogue

It's been 3 years since my first concert and I have been on 2 sold out tours. One around America and the other around Europe. I can see now why Brittany used to love flying out everywhere. It opens your eyes up to a lot of stuff that happens around the world.

Right now we are in England and I have just finished my last set and I'm making my way back to the tour bus to head back to my hotel. I honestly couldn't ask for a better two years. Especially having Brittany by my side.

After my first concert and she forgive me we headed back to our apartment and talked some stuff out. We decided on a clean slate when in the dressing room and that is exactly what happened.

We started everything from the beginning. While we were both in New York I took her out on dates and it felt like we were sixteen all over again, just talking about things in our lives and knowing that we are there for one another. It felt safe again and I couldn't picture my life heading in a better direction that what it is right now.

It was only a year ago that I asked Brittany to come on tour with me. I was going to ask her to move in with me but I am on tour and I didn't want to spend anymore time away from her. So late one night when I was in San Francisco after just finishing my concert I skyped her and asked if she wanted to dance on stage with me on tour and to say I had to cover my ears from her scream was an understatement.

So that's how she ended up coming on tour. It was a coincidence that one of my female dancers had hurt themselves but that just gave me extra courage to ask her to come on tour with me. I was already planning on it but hey who cares about the details, she's here with me now.

After a 20 minutes drive I arrive at the hotel and I rush to get off the bus. With everything that happens after my final set on stage I always make sure that Brittany leaves before me so that she doesn't get caught up in all of the crazy when I leave the arena.

"Hey baby," She says when I open the hotel room door. The smile that comes to my face nearly splits it in half but I couldn't care how silly I looked with a huge ass grin on my face.

"Hey, did you have fun?" I say wrapping my arms around her waist.

"Yeah, I love the rush of dancing in front of a live audience. But you know what's even better now?"

"Mmm, no what?" I mumble as I lay my head on her shoulder and kiss her neck.

"Being on stage with you."

I lift up and kiss her softly on the lips, "Same with me B, I love it when I'm singing and I see you dance in front of me, I have to look away though because I would forget I had to sing."

I feel her let out a breathy laugh as it hits my lips and I can't help but laugh too.

"I feel the same why about you though. Hearing your voice through them speakers it's just so mesmerizing and I knew one day I would be dancing to your songs." She nudges her nose against mine and I close my eyes at the soft touch.

"I honestly don't know how I would have done any of this if it wasn't for you. You made me have to courage to sing and make my album. I love you so much B."

"You don't have to thank me S, it was bound to happen sometime. You're too bright to be left in the dark you deserve this. And as for me, I just..." She trails off wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me closer. "Gave you a little push." She captures my lips and I moan as she flicks her tongue against my bottom lip. I tighten my hold on her waist and place my hand under her shirt on the small of her back tracing the skin there.

When the kiss starts to get a little heated I start to slow down until I can pull back.

"What's up?" Brittany asks her eye brow arched.

"I.. I just. I'm really happy right now." I say with a blush and Brittany laugh before placing a kiss on my cheek.

"Me too San, I love you so much." She kisses me again but I have to pull back because I still need to ask her something important.

"Wait B, I need to ask you something first."

"Mm, what?"

"Tomorrow.. Instead of going back to the hotel before my last set I want you to stay and come on stage with me."

"What? Really but you don't need any dancers then. You're playing the piano in the final set of your concert."

"I know B, It's a surprise."

"Ohh, you know how much I love surprises. Can you give me a teeny tiny hint?" She asks excitedly and my heart flutters in my chest when I see her eyes light up.

I laugh and lead us to the bed and lie her down. "I know B. But less talking more kissing, you'll know about it soon enough." I capture her lips once again while straddling her.

* * *

"Hey how's everyone doing tonight, you guys had fun?" I say to the scream crowd making me smile. "So tonight I'm going to be doing something a little more special to end tonight's show. I hope that's alright with you guys?" The cheer I get gives me my answer. "Alright then, please welcome to the stage my lovely girlfriend Brittany S Pierce also knowns as one of my best dancers." The crowd screams again and I see the blush form over Brittany's face as she makes her way over to me on stage.

"I'm so gonna kill you for this." Brittany whispers in my ear as she hugs me and I laugh while pulling back.

"So this is the first time I've ever done this and I'm kinda nervous but I'm hoping you guys in the crowd will help me out eh?" I say looking out towards the arena filled with people as they all yell a 'yeah'. "OK great, so you B sit here and I'll go over here and do my thing." She laughs a little at that and it helps calm my nerves a little. "So I'm going to be singing two new songs that I have wrote for this occasion. They are both about my beautiful girlfriend Brittany here." The crowd cheer again at that and Brittany's blush appears again. "So I don't know if you guys know but the last 3 years haven't been smooth sailing for me and Brittany here but we have finally come back together again stronger than ever and I want to dedicate these song to her because this is what and how she make me feel when I'm around her over even just thinking about her. So here we go." I finish saying as my band around me starts to play.

The intro to the song starts out slow and the crowd starts to sway to the music finally I start to play the piano, taking a breath before singing.

_It's a four letter word_  
_a place you go to heal your hurt_  
_It's an alter, it's a shelter_  
_One place you're always welcome_  
_a pink flamingo, double wide_  
_One bedroom in a high rise_  
_a mansion on a hill_  
_Where the memories always will_  
_keep you company_  
_whenever you're alone_  
_after all of my running_  
_I'm finally coming_

_Home  
The world tried to break me_  
_I found a road to take me_  
_Home_  
_There aint nothing but a blue sky now_  
_After all of my running_  
_I'm finally coming_  
_Home_

I look towards Brittany as I start to sing the chorus.

Well they say its where the heart is  
and I guess the hardest part is  
when your heart is broken  
and you're lost out in the great wide open  
looking for a map  
finding your way back  
to where you belong  
well that's where I belong

I belt out the chorus as tears start to form in my eyes as I hear the crowd sing along with the chorus as they pick it up.

_Home_  
_The world tried to break me_  
_I found a road to take me_  
_Home_  
_There aint nothing but a blue sky now_  
_After all of my running_  
_I'm finally coming_  
_Home_

_Home…_  
_Home…_

_Home_  
_The world tried to break me_  
_I found a road to take me_  
_Home_  
_There 'aint nothing but a blue sky now_  
_After all of my running_  
_I'm finally coming_  
_After all of my running_  
_I'm finally coming_  
_Home_

I finish off playing the piano and wipe my eyes as the start of the next song starts to play. "So that was a song I wrote before I started my first leg of this tour and I have been waiting for the perfect moment to sing it to you Brittany. You are and always have been my home. No matter where you are or what you are doing I will always be at home when I'm in your heart and your in mine." I send a small smile towards Brittany who has tears of her own pooling in her eyes. "This next song I wrote when I first got back together with Brittany, it's called 'Wanted'

_You know I'd fall apart without you_  
_I don't know how you do what you do_  
_'Cause everything that don't make sense about me_  
_Makes sense when I'm with you_

_Like everything that's green, girl, I need you_  
_But it's more than one and one makes two_  
_Put aside the math and the logic of it_  
_You gotta know you're wanted too_

I stand up from the piano and make my way to Brittany reaching out my hand for her to hold

_'Cause I wanna wrap you up_  
_Wanna kiss your lips_  
_I wanna make you feel wanted_  
_And I wanna call you mine_  
_Wanna hold your hand forever_  
_And never let you forget it_  
_Yeah, I, I wanna make you feel wanted_

_Anyone can tell you you're pretty, yeah_  
_And you get that all the time, I know you do_  
_But your beauty's deeper than the make-up_  
_And I wanna show you what I see tonight..._

I let go of her hand and place it on her cheek softly stroking it with my thumb as I continue to sing to her.

_When I wrap you up_  
_When I kiss your lips._  
_I I wanna make you feel wanted_  
_And I wanna call you mine_  
_Wanna hold your hand forever_  
_And never let you forget it_  
_'Cause, baby, I, I wanna make you feel wanted_

_As good as you make me feel_  
_I wanna make you feel better_  
_Better than your fairy tales_  
_Better than your best dreams_  
_You're more than everything I need_  
_You're all I ever wanted_  
_All I ever wanted_

_And I just wanna wrap you up_  
_Wanna kiss your lips_  
_I wanna make you feel wanted_  
_And I wanna call you mine_  
_Wanna hold your hand forever_  
_And never let you forget it_  
_Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted_  
_Baby, I wanna make you feel wanted_

_You'll always be wanted_

The crowd erupt in a loud cheer but all I can feel is the body that suddenly crashes into mine and I try to stay standing on my feet.

"That was so beautiful San." Brittany whispers in my ear and suddenly the noise of the crowd gets dulled out by the sound of her voice hitting my ears.

I smile through the tears in my eyes before letting her go and bringing her to the front of the stage. "I'm not finished yet." I say to her as someone from my crew attaches a wireless mic to me.

"Done?" I asked Sam and he nods before leaving the stage. "OK, so I have thought for a few months now on how I was going to do this and I know that this is the right moment and place to do it." I turn towards Brittany and hold her hands in mine. "I love you so much Brittany. I made terrible mistakes in the past but I have learned from them, _you_ have helped me grow so much as a person and for that I am forever grateful." I let go of one of her hands and reach into the pocket of my dress and getting down on one knee before opening the small black box revealing a silver ring with 3 small diamonds across the top. "So if you would please do me the honour of becoming my wife again so that I can continue to learn from you and love you with all my heart?"

The room is dead silent while me and another 60, 000 people wait for her answer. My heart beating unbelievable fast as I watch the tears flow from Brittany's face before she is launching herself at me and picking me high up off the ground all while shouting 'YES'. As soon as she shouts the whole room explodes but it doesn't matter because all I can hear is the Yes she shouted a few seconds ago. She puts me down and I slip her new ring on her finger before capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.

I couldn't have pictured a better moment than this right now, as we kiss on the big screen and the crowd shouting our names sending the sound in this place to beyond imaginable while our heart's reach even higher.

* * *

**A/N: So this epilogue turned into a full blown chapter but who cares :)**

**Thank you all for reading, reviewing, following and favourting this story. I have had a great time writing it and can't wait to start writing 'To the Moon and Back' my other fic which I promise if you read will not be as angst as this story has been. Thank you again for reading this fic. Bye :)**

**tumblr - heathersflawless **


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